


Send a Prayer Up Above

by Writerall



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015), Star Wars Episode VIII: The Last Jedi - Fandom, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Bad Timing Rey, Ben Solo Not Found, Enemies to Lovers, F/M, I just really love villains, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Italian Mafia, Jealousy, Kylo Ren is Not Nice, Kylo Ren is a Made Man, Light BDSM, Light Bondage, Mafia AU, Mutual Pining, Not Going To Hell Because Reylo is Canon Y'all, Original Characters - Freeform, Pining, Posessive!Kylo, Resolved Sexual Tension, Reylo - Freeform, Romance, Slow Burn, Slow Burn Rey/Kylo Ren, Unresolved Sexual Tension, it's a problem, jealous!kylo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-01
Updated: 2019-01-05
Packaged: 2019-05-31 22:05:24
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, No Archive Warnings Apply, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 13
Words: 62,074
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15128768
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Writerall/pseuds/Writerall
Summary: I mistook the danger in his eyes for safety._____________________________________________________________________________Rey is back in New York from college and while out celebrating her degree, she unwittingly sees the man who once was her world, killing someone outside a nightclub. A shriek escapes before she can kill it on her tongue, and Ben kidnaps Rey, demanding her to pay the money he lost because of her bad timing.Since she has no money, she's forced to accept Ben's job offer to join the mafia. Rey quickly learns Ben is not the man she once loved; he was now called Kylo Ren and the monster reigned. No shred of humanity left and thoroughly lost in the darkness. But the habit of the body was nonetheless present, and she swore she would fight it to the heavens.Also on Wattpad: https://www.wattpad.com/story/153935413-send-a-prayer-up-above





	1. Chapter 1

_It’s like I never left._

If anything, even this part of Bushwick seemed to have couple graffiti’s less than four years ago but other than that, it was still the same. My favorite bodega, fittingly called _Bushwick Food Centre Inc_., was still there, right across from _Professional Hair Care Salon_ and the J-train still gave out it’s old and screeching roar two blocks back, above us on green steel pillars. The cold autumn breeze picked up trash from the ground and I wrapped my hoodie tighter around my torso, as I fished out a cell phone from my backpack and pressed call next to a name who I hadn’t seen in ages.

“Indeed, I am Finn,” I replied with a smile. “Right outside.”

Soon I heard a creaking sound above and when I craned my neck to see, Finn’s grinning head had popped out the window of the rundown brownstone and was motioning for me to _come in already_. He disappeared back inside, and the door buzzed open two seconds later. The air was damp inside and smelled of grandma with chipped yellow paint on the walls, and cracked floor tiles underneath my boots. I dragged my suitcase behind me, it scarcely fitting in the narrow and crooked staircase. Soon though, I heard a heavy set of shoes thumping down the wooden stairs and Finn emerged waving again at me, this time to step aside.

He grabbed my suitcase with ease and with much less effort from my part, we continue to the fifth floor, end of the hallway, to the right. He talked excitedly the whole time about how much I had missed, how much he had missed me and the lots of plans he had already made for us. Once we walked into his apartment, I thought it was cramped but homey. Plants and pots on the wind sills, some more on the fire escape that was outside his bedroom window. His bed was unmade but a futon was laid out at the end of his bed, with sheets folded neatly and a pillow on top of them.

“I can’t thank you enough, Finn. I promise I’ll find my own place soon. I already have a couple of apartments I’m going to see today.” I hated vague people who ended up couch surfing for months and did nothing about it. I knew Finn knew I was independent and responsible but . . . still.

“Rey, _relax_.” Finn gave me an arched brow and an amused mouth. “I offered, I wanted you here.”

I flashed him a smile back. “Thank you. I’ll owe you one.”

“Great, I’ll cash it in tonight!” He said with a look that almost made me expect to see devil’s horns coming out of his forehead.

“Oh, no. I know that look. What, Finn?” I asked worriedly as I flung my suitcase onto the futon.

“Well,” he started and paced into to kitchen to get a glass of water, “you completed your bachelor’s last week, now you’re here- “

I see, I know where this is going. “Finn, I’m not going out clubbing.”

His face dropped, and he threw his hands up, “Why, Rey!? Come ON, this is huge! This is your graduation party! You _have to_ make it to your own graduation party.”

Eyeing his excited form suspiciously I asked with a slight hint of defeat in my tone, “Even if the party consists of just the two of us?”

“Three. Poe’s in too.” His face winked at me clumsily, telling me there was perhaps something in it for him too. I gave a deep sigh of my accepted fate. Cleary, he was going to drag me out of the apartment in any case. He could be persistent when he wanted. I appreciated it but at moments like these, I didn’t exactly cherish it.

“Atta girl. We’ll have fun, you deserve it. Drinks are on me!”  Finn declared and smirked proudly.

After Finn was convinced of my consent to go out, I unpacked and got ready to go see the two apartments I had spotted on Craigslist. Unfortunately, both ended up being disappointments. One of them was just a futon in the middle of a kitchen, and the other one’s occupant had pizza boxes and half-finished Chinese take-out boxes crowding every single surface, and some of the floor. It smelled disgusting and I bet it was cockroach heaven. On the train back to Finn’s I rested my head against the window as Brooklyn passed by and sighted _. I was bone tired._ A seven-hour flight from San Francisco and being back home was both overwhelming and underwhelming at the same time, if that’s even possible.

Due to unseen circumstances – if you could call it that –  I applied for some colleges on the west coast and got accepted to a pretty good one in San Francisco to study finance. The whole thing was ridiculous really, it wasn’t even my idea to go to college, to even apply in the first place. I shuddered, tried not to think about it. The fact of the matter was that I was back, and memories hit me like a cold hard slap in the face. It’s like the four years had been a distant dream, like someone else lived through it and now I had all these memories that I can’t believe I actually partook in. And now New York was plunging my head deep under nostalgia and old feelings. Particularly, someone specific. Memories that have haunted me every day of the four years. In the darkness of my dorm room, with an uneven breath and a constricting feeling in my chest, I had to try and convince my mind. _He was nothing._

But being back here, _he was everything._ Fuck it all to hell he was everything. His energy seemed to surround the whole city, seemed to tighten around my core and crush it just to agonize me, just to remind me how my heart wasn’t completely my own, just to show how miserable I could feel without him. I kept searching his face from the crowds to the point where I wished I could walk with my eyes closed, I was tiring even myself. It was easier in California, where his energy, his presence was thousands of miles away. Diluted by steep cliffs, raging seas, scorching sun and new people. I squeezed my eyes a little tighter and took in a breath of stale train air a little deeper. _He was nothing._

Once I got back to Finn’s I started up my laptop to go through more listings. I sent out emails to all potential apartments and roommates, wanting to pull my hair out at the end of it. The fact was, I was broke. Completely and utterly and profoundly _broke_. Out of all the affordable places on earth, I happened to be born in the top ten most expensive cities on Earth. Every listing I went through, got me feeling more desperate. It felt like the rent went up just a bit more, every day. It had certainly gone from unreasonable to insane in the span of just four years. By the time I had chewed off all my fingernails, Finn had to slap the laptop shut and beg me to go take a shower and get ready.

He, however, saw the deep crease between my eyes and looked at me with care in his dark brown eyes. “You’ll figure it out, Rey. You always have and in the meantime, you can stay here as long as you need. I mean that. Now get your skinny ass up and go get ready.”

I looked at him with skepticism, I had started to get the profound feeling that maybe for the first time, I would in fact _not_ figure this one out. Finn noticed my ever-deepening worry.

“Okay, tomorrow I’ll let you drown in your anxiety but tonight you’ll shove it down and celebrate your degree. Now,” he professed and grabbed my arm to drag me out of his futon, “up!”

I gave in and let him push me in the bathroom, throwing a soft towel at me and closing the door.

“You can use whatever you find!” He yelled through the door. I huffed and took a moment to look around me. His bathroom was, even by New York standards, small. He had a little mirrored medicine cabinet over a yellowed sink, and there was maybe an arm and a half between the toilet and the tub/shower. I searched out his shampoo and conditioner, both general brands but ‘ _FOR MEN’_ all over them. I always thought it was a bit funny there had to be separate bottles of the same products for men and women. They just smelled different.

I took my hair out of its usual bun and massaged my scalp. It was sore after a day that seemed to never end, perhaps because of all the thoughts jumping to the walls of my conciseness all day long, restless, demanding attention they don’t deserve. After fifteen minutes of rough scrubbing, I got out and wiped the steam off the mirror to look at myself. Skin slightly red, still damp. My dark green eyes were a bit more aglow than before and I felt a motivational speech was appropriate at this time.

_You can do this. You can go out, you will have a drink, you WILL have fun and you most certainly won’t give that devil the time of day. You are strong, you have a degree and you are smart and this is only the beginning of it all. You’re in chapter one._

I gave myself an approving nod and stepped out.

 

 

* * *

 

 

The L-train lights flickered under the Hudson River, between Manhattan and Brooklyn. The car jerked from side to side and I smoothed the simple red wrap-around dress, which accentuated my otherwise a bit lacking curves.

“Don’t worry,” Finn gently pumped my shoulder with his, “you look good.”

I shoved him back, a little harder. I did for once decide to wear makeup and actually brush my hair. It fell as loose curls barely above my shoulders and my make up was subtle, for that was all I could do. I couldn’t even put on brown eyeshadow without making myself look like a raccoon.

“Thanks.” I couldn’t help the slight heat gathering on my cheeks. Hopefully my foundation would cover it a little, even though it was very sheer. I secretly liked my little freckles and didn’t want to hide them. Maybe someday someone would recognize the spots on my nose and cheeks for they had the same spots, and maybe if I hid them, I could walk past my parents and I would never know, and they would never know.

 Another shove.

“You’re sulking, Rey. Snap out of it we’re almost there.” Finn said in a firmly but with warmth. He clearly still recognized when I was starting to spiral down the rabbit hole of my mind.

“Where is ‘there’ by the way? A Manhattan club?” I asked suspiciously. The night was seeming more and more not my scene. One might at this point ask, what then was my scene. Truthfully, I couldn’t answer. I hadn’t really figured it out, but by the cold sweat in my palms and past experiences I would make a wild guess and say it was _not_ clubbing. Some small, dirty bar with a couple friends and warm beer, that sounded better. But I think I owed Finn at least this.

“Rey, it’s your graduation. Yes, we are going to a Manhattan club. It opened only a couple of months ago so they still have some pretty good promotions. So yes, we can afford it but no, it won’t be a dive bar like the way you want ‘em. You’ll just have to suck it up and enjoy the sleekness.”

“So, wait. So, this is _my_ night?  Not . . . in fact, _your_ night? Oh, shoot see, I had it all mixed up by the way how you decided where to go and when to go, sorry my bad.” I tsk’d

Finn gave me a deadpan expression while I was grinning because I knew he knew I was right.

“Okay Rey, fine.” He looked at me with a change of his tone for the more serious, “I just want you to have fun, seriously. If you absolutely hate it, we can go to your dive bar of choice. ‘Kay?”

I was already feeling much better. Ten minutes in and then we’d go. “You’ve got a deal.”

“But! You have to promise me to give it an honest chance. I know you’re probably thinking about him, being back here after such a long time, don’t look at me like that I know you better than you think, so promise me you’ll try and forget everything and just celebrate you.”

My heart was stammering, and his name wasn’t even mentioned. Playing with the hem of my dress I muttered: “Yes, yes I promise.”

Fifteen minutes later we were standing in a line in the Meatpacking District and fourteen minutes after shivering in the cold we were in. Loud bass thrummed in my core and the flickering lights made me feel drunk, even though I was soberer than I realized I wanted to be. It was my night, right? I did work hard for my degree, I deserved one night of poor judgment.  Finn read my mind and grabbed my hand to push through the crowd of withering bodies and to the drinking desk. The bartenders looked busy and unbothered, almost like they were too cool to be there. Surrounded by supermodels and dresses that left no imagination necessary, I felt almost overdressed. Even if my neckline plunged deeper than what I’d care usually.

“Two gin tonic’s please!” Finn showed a peace sign to the bartender.

“With your cheapest gin, please,” I added. Finn gave me a look and I grinned at the bartender. The Thor-looking bartender gave me a once-over, and seemingly approved as he grinned back at me and started working on our drinks. Finn gave me another look, this time a you-should-jump-him-look.

“Stop it.” I hissed and turned around to look at the dance floor. The club was packed. I bet if the cops showed up now, they’d find the place a hundred people over the capacity. At least. The strobe lights made the people look like robots dancing and now I sort of wanted to become one of them. A gin tonic appeared in front of me on top of a white napkin with a number written on it.

I took the glass and looked up to see Thor winking at me. I couldn’t help the stupid grin and hotness creeping up on my face. He thinks I’m pretty despite all the Adriana Lima’s gathered here? I nodded at him and put the napkin in my purse. I don’t know if I was going to call him, I hadn’t really dated in four years. And the longer it was, the harder it became. I hated first dates, they were always so damn awkward. I always wished I could just jump ahead and straight to the good part. But I never got to the good part except with one— _Who is nothing. Nothing, Rey._

“You should call him,” Finn stated, not looking at me and sipping his drink looking all sly.

“Dancing. Now.” I yelled to Finn over the music. I forced all of my drink down and started fast walking into the robot crowd. Dancing and alcohol, what usually wasn’t my thing, was going to be my thing tonight. Once we were in the middle of the crowd, right in the sweat of it with people pushing me from all sides and the bass the loudest and the lights the brightest, I let go and gave into the shitty techno music. Finn jumped around me and tried to wave at someone, I closed my eyes and tried to drown the devil inside me. The alcohol was already burning nicely in my veins; the last time I drank was four years ago, so the tingle came quicker than I thought. It wasn’t enough though. I drank from the straw of Finn’s glass when he wasn’t looking and welcomed the burning in my throat as the poison made its way down. Finn quickly exclaimed, and a familiar figure emerged from in between the robots.

My eyes widened, and I spat out the straw “Poe!” I lunged to him and he encased me in a warm bear hug.

“Rey! It’s so good to see you!” Poe shouted over the music, then pushing me away with his hands on my shoulders to get a better look at me. “You look great, college did good to you!”

I beamed and pushed his chest a little. “Stop it, it’s so good to see you, Poe. Really,” I turned to look at Finn, “I missed you both so much!”

Finn broke into a million-dollar grin, all white teeth, and proclaimed “Don’t you go soft on me Rey, not now! You’re back, we’re here and this is your party!” He started jumping up and down and Poe joined in. I closed my eyes and got back into the music, feeling lighter. Better. Maybe it was the alcohol, maybe it was Poe and Finn. I couldn’t say and I couldn’t care, I just felt good. I swayed, I jumped, I smiled at the lights, feeling the alcohol numbing everything in its wake. Pushing the darkness way down, letting me have a moment to myself, to enjoy this moment. Poe handed me a sip of this drink and turned to talk to Finn, I drowned almost half of it before Poe realized what I was doing. He reclaimed the drink and looked at me with a surprised accusation in his brown eyes, yet his lips were pulled into a charming little smirk.

“I’m gonna go get another drink,” I yelled at them, my throat straining to get my voice heard, “I’ll be back in a sec!” They waved at me dismissively, seeming to enjoy each other’s company. Was there something there, or was I imagining things? I stared at them for a moment, studying. Oh, well. I archived what I saw for later and started pushing my way through the crowds, towards Thor and his gin’s. I got to the bar and got serviced immediately with a smile. I devoured the drink and I wondered why I haven’t done this more. This stuff works great. I barely remember my own name, it’s amazing. But man, was it hot in here or is it just me? I could suddenly feel the sweat dripping down the side of my temples. My rational mind said it’s the alcohol and dancing. It also told me to go stand outside to cool off.  
  
I glanced over to the dance floor, seeing Poe and Finn almost like in their own little bubble. They’d be fine for another moment or two. I was about to head to the door when I saw the number of people I would’ve had to go through. _No way, José._ Not happening, I needed air, stat. Not more sweaty bodies to weave through. There had to be a backdoor of some kind. And if someone knew it, it was Thor.

I looked at him under my lashes and he walked into the trap, all smug and muscle in his white t-shirt. He leaned over to the counter and looked at me, hunger in his eyes. “Hey, beautiful.”

I grinned and tried not to be too awkward. “Hi. Um, you wouldn’t happen to know of a secret back exit? I need some air.”

He knocked on the bar table and said, “For the pretty lady in red, of course.”

I walked around the bar trailing the Holy Thor who was about to grant me a breath of fresh air. We strode, or at least I felt like I was striding, toward the bathrooms and lord behold – Thor behold –, at the end of the hallway a bright green EXIT sign was staring at me, whispering seductive things and promises of fresh air. Thor pressed a button, looked around and cracked the door open.

“Call me, gorgeous.” He said, holding the door open.

My drunken self had the confidence to wink at him, and determinately I ducked under his arm and into the tidal wave of fresh air. Well, as fresh as you can get in New York City. The door slammed shut behind me and the air caressed my face and I sighted from relief. I took a deep lungful of the fumes of the city and rested my back against the cool, moist brick wall behind me.  
  
Then, _him_.

The devil showed up, from behind a corner into the alley where I was enjoying the nasty dumpster air. No, no he couldn’t actually be here. This was just another dream, taunting me, reminding of what had been and what shall never be again. But the nightmare was walking, brisk steps, black suit on. His shoes glimmering in the yellow city lights, the same lights that cast hard shadows on his face. But what is he –? What, is he _dragging_ a guy? He pushed the man into the ground with such power I could almost swear I heard a crack when the man’s knee landed first into the harsh ground. What the hell is he doing? Then, four more shadows emerging. His hand raising, holding something in it and pointing the man on the ground. A phone? No. _A gun._ He was pointing at him with the gun, every intention to kill him it seemed. I heard the safety click and this couldn’t be happening. Then,

 

 ** _BANG_**.

  
  
The man fell limp onto the ground and as his lifeless body lied down. Eyes wild, a shriek got out of my raspy throat because this wasn’t real. It just was not. Even though my eyes followed the pool of dark liquid pulping out of the round hole in the man’s forehead.

_Ben?_

He turned his head to me like a hawk, black eyes suddenly scrutinizing me. His face twisted into something that sent chills down my spine. _Did I say that aloud?_ My heart started thumping its way out of my chest but my foggy mind couldn’t really comprehend what was happening. Was this real? Not another dream that came to haunt me with the devil in front of me? Was he real? Or was I really so drunk I’d started imagining things? I dug my nails into my palms. I didn’t wake up. But it can’t be— This can’t be. It just can’t. No, no no, no.

“What are _you_ doing here?”  
  
I squinted my eyes at him because _did I really hear him talk?_ Everything was spinning, and I felt sick. I was on the verge of throwing up and I had to lean back onto the wall to support myself. I was shivering yet I wasn’t cold, my palms hurt from my nails and I couldn’t focus my gaze on him. Not even when he was walking toward me with bad intention, with the kind of look that should’ve made me scream and run for my life. But, alas, I was nailed to the ground. Panic swirling in my chest. I stumbled a pathetic step back as he closed in on me. His eyes were cast in the shadows which made him look demonic. Evil, not Ben. Not my Ben, not the man who I was in love with. I wouldn’t say he was a good man, but he wasn’t evil. Not like this. Not pointing a gun at me, which is what I found him doing. He cocked the gun and I was staring down a smoking barrel. And as he stepped into the light of the EXIT sign, I saw the drops of someone else’s blood on his pale face. His black eyes burning, yet hair in neatly controlled waves.  
  
A van screeched into the alley then, Ben and the goons turning their attention to it.  The van door slid to the side, they fired shots at us and I dropped down wanting to scream but finding I had no voice. I shouted voicelessly for my life, pleading to god as the men from the van grabbed the lifeless body from the ground and hurried away, accompanied by shots from Ben and his minions. Ben barked something to the men and they ran after the van, still firing shots which made my ears ring louder than the terrible music inside. I was still frozen, breathless and voiceless with my mind a fuzzy mess. I couldn’t form one comprehensive thought, like maybe this was my chance to get away. Everything was blurry, and I was convinced I was in one of my multiple nightmares again. But when Ben seized my arm to pull me up it felt staggeringly real. I had to blink my eyes as I raised them to look at his; voids in a handsome face. I reached up to touch his hair, to remind myself of its softness, to tell me this was a fragment of my own imagination. He let me, watched me with now slightly confused eyes and a quick tick in his right eye. I found his hair to be rougher than I remembered. Sticky. I looked at my fingers and saw they were red.    
  
I felt his arm wrap around my torso then, pulling me tightly against him. His scent surrounded me and lord. If I wasn’t drunk off my mind before, I was now. I felt a sharp sting in my neck and winced, swatting the what must’ve been a mosquito away. I mumbled something, wanting to curse out the never-ending nightmare, to beg for my conscious mind to wake me up. Instead, I found myself falling into complete darkness. As my limbs turned to led I craned my neck up to look at Ben. Beautiful under the orange hue, even more so than I remembered. All sharp bones with a manly nose and a few moles spotting his pale face. The blood was the only thing really ruining the image . . . _Oh, so sleepy_. I felt my head fall back, it was too heavy, like a bowling ball on top of sticks.

The last thing I remember was his black eyes locked in mine.  
  


 

* * *

 

  
  
Damn it. I don’t think I’ve ever had a headache like this. I tried to reach my head with my arm but . . . It felt heavy. Like it had a weight on it. I winced and could only feel my fingers moving. I tried to curl my legs to my side, but they barely moved an inch. I realized I hadn’t even opened my eyes yet. I tried to pry them open, but it was so bright it ached. I turned my head away from the light, that much I seemed to be able to do. I felt like I should feel more frightened. My instincts were trying to tell me something, but my mind was incoherent, and I couldn’t really focus on anything except for the light. _The light._ It hurt, why did it hurt so much? As I tried to blink my eyes open, a sharp pain stabbed me in the left temple. I’d shriek but my mouth seemed to be sandpaper and all I managed to get out was a miserable cough. _Water_. I’m so thirsty, I’m so thirsty all of a sudden, I felt like I’ll turn to dust any second now. My hand tried to reach into the whiteness, into something, but it’s as if I had worked out too hard and now my muscles were so tired they were against me.

Another cough. Another wince. My eyes were slowly adjusting, my arms and feet started to get pins and needles. I think that was good. I hoped it was good. I turned my palms down to fist the soft fabric underneath me. Sheets. Expensive sheets. I pushed my palm down. A mattress. I was on a bed, but I don’t think it was mine. I wrinkled my brow as a smell registered through my nose, got processed into my brain and a faint memory wanted to come through but it was too distant. It swirled it turned it changed shape it changed time and I couldn’t quite get a hold of it.  I tried to push through but a sharp pain in my head, tightening around my skull, coming from the base of it made me stop with a groan. This time I managed to turn to my side a little bit, feeling how heavily my limbs protested against it, detesting me for even trying it. Pins and needles were moving up now, knees feeling stiff as if I’d need to oil the gears to make them move right, smoothly.

I closed my eyes again, the headache easing then a little. What the hell happened to me? Everything was still hidden behind a foggy veil, but a little by little, a picture of sorts came into mind. _Out_. I went out. Red dress. Finn. We were going somewhere. He was happy. Manhattan, a club. I drank . . . Not that much. Not _this_ much, that I was certain of. I was more responsible than this, I knew my limit. Oh, goodness. Embarrassment all of a sudden took over, I danced didn’t I. Oh dear lord I danced. And I then, I thought I saw a familiar set of eyes . . . But a feeling, a ghost of an emotion lightly grazed the edges of my consciousness, a feeling long lost. Forgotten, abandoned.  
  
My eyes flew open. The smell, it’s _him_. It’s him, it’s him, it’s him. A headache took over and this time I cried out loud and fisted the sheets.

“About time.” A low voice said from somewhere. It was the devil. “It’s a side effect, it’ll wear off. You’ll be able to move soon.”

Hell. It . . . it hasn’t all come back yet. The fog, the haze, it was slowly burning away. I could stitch together bit more coherent thoughts. It took effort, but I pushed through. A gun. Orders being barked by that voice. My hand wanted to fly to my mouth, yet it stayed still. He killed someone, he _murdered_ someone. Dark red liquid flowing on the pavement, his black eyes on me. Intent.

I, what did I do? I saw something . . . that I shouldn’t have. Racing heart, legs unstable I ran. Right? I can’t remember. Like a brick wall, like a dream, I’m trying to remember but it’s gone and it’s not coming back. It was lost. I tried to hold on at the end of it, tried to pull at the red string but it kept fighting against me. I tried to focus on the last thing, the sound of my high heels echoing on the pavement, barely hearing the click-clack over my racing heart. But it stopped there, unable to go forward, I couldn’t see more than that. Something wasn’t lost though, something was growing stronger, more determent, cold like a harsh reality.

 _I had to get out._  

As I tried to push all my energy out to my limbs, a blinding pain seared through my head as the result of the effort, but I pushed through. I managed to turn to my stomach, focus sharp as a razor to get my hands to my sides, to push myself up. I dragged them, inch by inch closer to my ribs. They were so heavy. I was sweating, panting. I could do it. I had to, I had to do it. They slid across the silky sheets, little by little. Almost there.

“I wouldn’t do that if I were you.” That same voice. Warning. No, _no_. “The drug hasn’t left your system yet.”

I wanted to lift my head. _What drug?_ I didn’t take any drugs. What the hell was he talking about? What was I doing here? What was going on? I got my hands to my sides. This was it. _Push_. Push, Rey goddamnit. My hands shook, my muscles screamed at me, they were starting to burn but I pushed, up up up, inch by inch and as I thought I had managed to lift my chest off the mattress, my barely awake mind got shoved back into the restless black and I faintly felt my cheek thumping against the mattress.

 

 

* * *

  
  
  
It was dark. I opened my eyes and it was dark. I blinked to try and get my eyes to focus. Bedroom, big. Glossy floors, not much furniture. I looked down to see I’m in a bed with ivory silk sheets. It was in the middle of the room. I turned my head to the side and took note of the protest, the muscles in the back of my neck felt stiff but a good stretch would make it better. My eyes focused on black curtains, heavy looking. From the hem I saw a crack of light. Blackout curtains. Based on the wideness of the crack, the whole wall was a window.  
  
_Ben_. His scent surrounded me, and I felt a familiar tug in my chest. I wish it wouldn’t be such a reflex. I took a profound breath and rubbed my eyes as it became clear I was alone in the room, and I should most definitely get the _hell out_. I don’t know what he’s into these days, but it evidently involved murder and even though I can’t say I’ve lived an extraordinary life, I still didn’t want it to end. Especially, not by _his_ hand. So, I swung the soft sheets to the side and got out of the bed, quietly. I treaded across the bedroom, carefully. I noted that my high heels were placed neatly by the foot of the bed. My dress was still on so at least . . . At least the murdering didn’t include something entirely else.

I placed my hand on the cool door handle and pressed down, relieved that it didn’t creak at all. I peeked inside and saw a living room that was gilded by the sun, flooding in from the floor-to-ceiling windows, yet his black furniture swallowed most of it. Everything was streamlined and made of shiny blackness, but most importantly; _vacant_. No one was in sight, the coast seemed to be clear. The living room was facing an open kitchen and I was tempted to get a glass of water, but quickly banished the thought. I had to get out. I seized my heels and dangling them from my hand, I treaded across the huge space. _Quiet now._ I can make it, step by step I was closer to getting out of whatever the hell this was. My hand was reaching the vast piece of wood that served as a front door, placed my hand on the smooth metal of its handle and pressed down. Slowly now, quietly . . . Inch by inch I opened it—only to have it slammed shut. I shrieked and turned around to find Ben staring down at me with a menacing look in his abyss of an eyes. He slid his left hand down on the door behind me, and with a click he locked it, and with it, locked me in.

“What am I doing here, Ben?” I asked, trying to sound firm but failing at it miserably.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What did you guys think? I hope you enjoyed the first chapter!! Hux will be making a lovely appearance in the next chapter...
> 
> I'll be updating every Sunday from now on. :) Come say hi to me on Tumblr at https://kylothevillain.tumblr.com/ ! & if you're interested, here's a link to the moodboard I made for this fic: https://kylothevillain.tumblr.com/post/175446745559/send-a-prayer-up-above-chapter-1-a-reylo-mafia


	2. Chapter 2

 

He looked at me and scoffed. _Scoffed_. Ben turned his back to me then and stalked over to the kitchen, opening one of the cupboards and taking a water glass out. I remained by the door, wary of moving, of doing anything really. But most of all, it was weird. Just weird, seeing him after . . . Everything. After four years, after he left, after I thought and had vowed never to see him again. But now, here he was a few feet away from me and I couldn’t help myself as I let my gaze wander on his pale skin, rippled over the muscles he had clearly taken good care of. He was _big_. The only reason I could think of why, was so that he could kill more efficiently. It required strength no doubt. Did he bring me here to kill me because I’ve seen too much? In the privacy of his home, there would be no witnesses. Maybe he had a process, a method for killing and this was a part of it. Maybe he liked his victims alive and well, so he could see the terror in their eyes as he took their lives. A shiver ran down my spine and I desperately wanted to hide somewhere. My eyes darted around, halting at the kitchen island on top of which there was a knife set. My heart picked up its pace as a plan formed in my head.  
  
Grasping the heels against my chest like a lifeline, I casually advanced the kitchen island, trying not to look at my target on it. Ben got a water bottle out of the fridge and emptied its continents into the glass. He turned to face me, and I froze on my tracks. He looked at me with empty eyes and raised the glass to me, then placed it on the island. As he turned around to get another one, I knew it was now or never, so I dove over the counter, reached for one of the knives and pulled it out. Ben turned around to face me. His gaze switched from the blade I was gripping for dear life, to my eyes. Calculating, assessing.  
  
“Let. Me. Out.” I gritted through my teeth. I jagged the knife toward him, to show I meant business.

He had abandoned me. He had left me all alone, even though he knew I had no other family. He was my only family, my everything, my world. And when he left it all came down. When I was nineteen he left without telling anyone, and I was left confused with an aching heart. I got into a college that was away from everything I couldn’t stand, it was perfect. A fresh start, a clean slate. No one knew me or my messed up past but now, here he was jerking me around again, and I wasn’t about to let him do this to me. I was older now, I could better resist his charms and his devilish pull that I was never able to explain. It felt like we were meant to be, but the stars never aligned to allow us to fulfill our potential, and when he left I accepted that the stars would never align. And Ben kidnapping me sure as hell didn’t mean they had finally done so.  
  
“I can’t do that, Rey.” Ben spoke, shaking his head. His raven hair moved ever so slightly out of its place and my god my heart ached. I was eighteen again and looking up in his eyes as crumbs of gold danced around his irises. I gripped the knife tighter, turning my knuckles white.

“Why not?” I asked with an unsteady voice, taking a step forward. Frustration making the silver blade tremble.

“That man who I shot last night,” I flinched involuntarily as he talked about shooting a person so indifferently, “and the body and the briefcase he was carrying got taken into a van because of _you_.”  
  
Now Ben took a step forward, seemingly thinking I wouldn’t have the guts to go at him. Maybe he was right. Maybe I didn’t. But I wouldn’t go down without a fight, I’ll fight his devil ways to the end. Never again will I let him in, never again will I depend on him. He showed me that he did not care, but like the little girl I was, I was too busy crushing on him to see the truth that was blatantly staring me in the eyes. So now, I pointed the silver knife to his dark ones, sharp and painful like the truth once it broke through.

“Do you know what was in that briefcase? No, of course not. It’s gone, and it’s because of you. So,” He launched at me, skillfully disarming me and chucking the knife to the floor. It clattered against it and he seized my cheeks in a painful grip. “I’d suggest you send a prayer to the ones up above, because _I owe you now, Rey_.”

Terror draped around my heart, making it difficult to breathe. What had happened to Ben? Why was he doing this? I gripped his arm, hoping to ease his hold on my face. He did not. His cruel eyes kept staring into mine, as unreadable voids.

“You can’t _own_ people, Ben.”

That tick visited his right eye again. His hand tightened, and a small squeak fled my throat. “Ben is dead. It’s Kylo Ren now.”

He released me then, and I faltered backward clutching one of the barstools in front of the marble island. I rubbed my cheeks as I asked, “What was in that suitcase?”

Ben, or maybe I should call him Kylo Ren as he undoubtedly was not the man I once knew, leaned over the counter and bore his eyes on me. “Something I’ve worked very hard to get.”

“And how much is it worth?”

“Two hundred and fifty thousand dollars.”

My jaw dropped. “I can’t possibly pay that off! And you can’t possibly think that I _actually_ have to! All I did was go get air and there you were on a murdering spree!”

“Bad timing.”

“But that does not—“  
  
“Fine, then I’ll just kill you.” Kylo’s eyes darkened as he picked up the knife from the floor, then circling around the kitchen island toward me, looking every bit the murderer he had proven to be. I stumbled away from him with shaking limbs. This couldn’t be him, this couldn’t be who he truly was. But the tense shoulders and the set jaw told me something else. I should just accept the foul reality, _Ben was gone._

“Okay! Okay, just, put the knife down I’ll pay. Please don’t Be—” I corrected myself before he could have time to react, “Kylo. Just, _please_. Don’t.”

Kylo stilled his approach, but the knife he was holding by his side made no convictions of his intentions to preserve my life. The mere fact that my life, right at this moment, was in his hands again made me want to retch. But here we were. It was as if God had a plan to have us in this endless limbo of suffering, never fully getting rid of each other, condemned to repeat history, on an infinite loop.

“But,” I started, feeling like I needed to swallow first before I could continue, “how do I know you won’t just kill me after I’ve paid?”

I thought I saw a ghost of a smile, tugging at the corner of his mouth. “Do you have any money?”

An electric shock hit my chest. “No.”

“Do you have a job?”

I had a bad feeling as to where this line of questioning was heading to. “Well, I—I’m working on it.”

“Don’t.” He stated and turned around to put the knife back into it’s aesthetic – black – holder on the counter. I released my breath. “You work for me now.”

I have seen too many movies to know how offers like that ended. I crossed my arms in front of my chest and asked: “And once I’ve worked off my debt, you’ll just let me walk away?”

“By the time you’ve paid it all off by working for me, you’ll have done things that will incriminate you. So, yes.” He made a gesture with his hand that resembled a bird flying away.

I took a sharp breath, “I won’t kill anyone.”

“You won’t have to.” His eyes traveled shamelessly over my frame and I clutched my heels a little tighter.

“What happened to you?”

Kylo’s jaw tightened but he stayed silent. There was a rainbow-colored elephant in the room and we hadn’t so much as peeked at it, this was the first attempt to at least acknowledge it. _Us_ , what we were. Had he just turned into a complete psychopath during the years I was in college? Was he out here, murdering across the state of New York while I was getting a degree?

He grabbed one of the water glasses on the counter and dragged it over to the edge.

“You should drink.” He murmured and put his cup in the dishwasher. _As neat as I remembered._

“Because you drugged me?” I asked dryly.

 “Yes.”

I needed to ask something and there was no way around it so, I figured a straight approach was the best tactic. Also, he wasn’t near the knives anymore.

“I need to use my phone. Can I have it back?”

He snorted and looked at me like I asked the most ludicrous question he’s ever heard. “No.”

“Fine. Then I’ll be filed as a missing person and cops will be crawling all over looking for me.” _That is if that already wasn’t the case._ The last time Finn and Poe saw me was on the dance floor last night. They must be worried sick, guilt was a heavy swirl in my chest.

Kylo pinched the bridge of his nose but gave in and handed his phone over to me. “Put it on speaker and keep it under a minute.”

I got thrilled by the minor victory and typed in Finn’s number. He picked up after the sixth ring and I was taken aback by how . . . _normal_ he sounded.

“Rey, you sly dog how’re ya.” Finn chimed on the line. I looked up to see Kylo’s irritated face upon realizing the person I was calling was Finn. I was lucky if I got a minute.

“Uh . . . What?”

“Don’t act so coy, C'mon! How was Thor?” Finn sounded like he was in on some scheme I knew nothing of. Kylo lifted his brows at ‘Thor’. I shook my head to him. But this was a good cover I suppose, for Finn to think I was over at some one-night stand’s place rather than abducted by a psychopathic murderer.

“Right. Thor was . . . Thor was very nice. Good, I mean. It was nice and good.”

Kylo had to stifle a laugh and then leaned in to whisper: “Clearly, someone still hasn’t had a one-night stand.”

I waved a hand at him and took his phone into my hand, so I could turn my back to Kylo. “How’d you figure I went with Thor?”

“Well, I mean I saw the way he looked at you. And then you went to the bar to talk with him and, you know. Poe figured you didn’t want me giving shit about it to you, so you went with it discreetly. And, you’re calling from a weird number.”

“Oh. Yeah. I lost my phone.” I gave Kylo an angry look over my shoulder.

 “Talking of Poe, I gotta go I’m meeting up with him. When’re you coming home? I can leave the key above the door.”

I could feel Kylo’s intense glower on my back. And I could see it first hand when he circled over to me and snatched the phone from my hand to signal for me to wrap it up. He was more agitated than he needed to be, and I knew it was only because of my revealed living arrangement.

“Oh, you know what. Actually, I think I’m going to stay here for a couple days. Thor’s got this amazing house upstate and he offered to take me there. I’ll be safe though, I promise. I’ll call you from this number once I’m on my way back.”

“Cool, I’ll save this number so I can reach you.”

Silence landed for a hesitant moment. I’m not sure how I felt about Finn, nor Kylo for that matter, having each other’s numbers. But I suppose there was no way around it. _Damn it_. This was already getting more complicated, I really didn’t want to involve Finn in this in any capacity.

“Uh, yeah. Sure. Say hi to Poe from me!”

“Will do, Rey. What’s Thor’s real name though? Just in case y’know.”  
  
“Uh . . . ” I gave a look to Kylo, “John— “

“Do _not_ say Smith.” Kylo whispered.

I looked around for surname ideas, but everything was black so . . .

“Black.”

“Cool, alright I gotta go. Call me!” Luckily Finn was apparently in too much of a hurry to notice my uncertain answer, or the obviously fake name.

Kylo hung up for me. He put his phone back in his pocket and crossed his hands. “You’re living at Finn’s?”

I was about to retort when a bell rang. A display by the door light up and Kylo walked past me to it. He pressed a button and asked what the person was doing here. A man’s voice filtered through saying it was urgent. Kylo glimpsed at me over his shoulder and then pushed a button to buzz him in. Then, almost all in one swift motion, he took off his shirt, tossed it to the floor and ran to the kitchen island in four big leaps to get the same knife I had threatened him with. Before I had time to scream, he swiped my feet off the floor, making me lose my balance and sprawling onto it. The air got knocked out of my lungs and I tried to take a deep breath without really succeeding in it, so he took advantage of it and seized my hands, effectively restraining them above my head in his left hand. He pointed the knife to my chest with his right hand, and I thought about how many times I’d imagined how I could die just watching his eyes, jade and golden and brown and yet at times, endlessly back. But this time, his eyes unreadable, I thought maybe this really was it. This is how it will all end.

 _Pathetic_. _Fight, Rey_. Heart sprinting, I cried and tried to reach the hand that was holding me down to bite it, anything really, even just to graze the skin, anything to make him feel at least a fraction of the pain I had felt. I had ran away from New York as it seemed like he was embedded in every wall and corner, as if my heart had been taught to pick up its pace like Pavlov’s dogs at the sight of black hair. And now the devil had dragged me back to hell and I was staring straight at him, but I did not recognize the man above me, and I didn’t want to. Yet, it was him. The same mole above his left eyebrow, the same disproportionate nose, which at the same time somehow made his proportions come together, the unchanged black hair and the same dark eyes. And the pain was fresh and throbbing and oozing and I detested it and I was so sick of feeling it. So I reached out to bite as hard as I could but as I turned my head to the side to reach his skin, teeth ready to have pale skin between them, he positioned the blade beneath the neckline of my dress and the cool metal grazed my chest as he violently ripped the fabric in half with it. I stared at him with eyes wide, not wanting to believe the certainty which was as real and sharp as the blade in his fist. He had become something possibly even more despicable than a murderer and a startling thought crossed mind; _he was right_ – he was no Ben. This was all Kylo, no shred of humanity left and completely lost in the darkness.

“Kylo,” I said from between chattering teeth, “if I didn’t beg you before, I am now. _Please_.”

Face an unchanging mask, he lowered the knife next to my head and used his hand to . . . _Pet me?_ His hand roughly tussled my hair and shivers ran down my spine. Then he moved his fingers to my lips. They were hardened and cold as he scrubbed them against the dried skin on my lips, and messed up the little lipstick I still had left. He observed me, like evaluating whether his work here was done or not. Apparently, it needed one final touch and he moved his fingers to my shoulder, gripping my grey bra strap.

“Kylo, I’ll do anything but—“ I had to swallow the abrupt knob in my throat, I did not like begging, “not _this_.”

He just regarded me with eyes black, as if he didn’t recall all the times before, as if they didn’t flash like a film behind those now soulless eyes, like they did behind mine. And his fingers on my skin felt so pleasant it was revolting. He proceeded in lowering my bra band and I cursed as I could see my heart beating in my chest, every sense aflame. His touch on my skin felt like a thousand needles, leaving a trail of energy at its wake. Then the front door opened, and the haze and the stream of unpleasantly pleasant memories stopped for one, sweet second.

A man with fiery red hair walked in and stopped dead once he processed what he was seeing. He clasped his hands behind his back and corrected his posture into a rigid straightness. He looked directly into my eyes, then taking the liberty of letting his eyes to travel on my bared skin freely. Kylo was atop of me but he didn’t conceal much, and as the man’s eyes returned on me I could swear I saw a smirk. Instead of helping, he stood there _smirking_. I tried to wriggle free once more, vigorously pulling my hands from his hold and tugging my hips from underneath his weight. I didn’t move an inch, but apparently, Kylo had no tolerance for such behavior since he picked up the knife again, and let its blade rest on my neck. It worked; I stopped. His eyes were aflame, and my breathing trapped in my throat.

“So, this is the girl.” The man pronounced the last word like it was venom on his tongue.

“I’m handling it.” Kylo grunted, with an edge of warning on his tone.

“I can see that.” There it was, the smirk again. _Bastard_.

“You said you had something urgent, Hux?” His voice was irritated and his hold on the knife visibly tensed. I was afraid he might unintentionally slit my throat. A shiver wanted to come but I tensed my muscles in an attempt to prevent it, the cold blade felt sharp against my skin. I just kept staring at Kylo’s unaffected face, silently pleading.

“Yes, perhaps we should discuss it alone?” Hux said, giving me a look.

Kylo turned his attention back on me. He lifted the knife, getting up and pulling me over his shoulder in the process. My dress scarcely stayed on as he swung me over, walking toward his bedroom. I punched his back, but I think it hurt more my fists than it did him. I got one good kick in before he caged my feet with his arms. Hux seemed entertained by all of it.

“She’s a spicy one.”

I bared my teeth at Hux. His eyes dimmed.

Kylo flung me to the bed and turned away, shutting the door after him. I ran to it, but I heard a _click_ before my hand could reach the handle and I realized he had locked me in. I pounded the door until my thoughts organized themselves into more intelligible ones. _Something sharp_. I needed something sharp, so I could try to pick the lock. My hands flew to my head, I had a bobby pin in it the night before. But as I ran my fingers through my messed-up hair, I stopped to find none. My eyes rushed around his room, stopping at a nightstand. I ran to it, gliding on the glossy floor and kneeling in front of it to open its first drawer. I was hoping to see a metallic nail file, bobby pins left from one-night stands, plastic cards, anything sharp or strong really. But as I looked inside the drawer, I halted.

An ugly black gun was staring back at me from the bottom of the drawer. It was the only thing in the whole drawer and with a shaking hand, I reached to curl my fingers around it. It was cold and heavy as I lifted it. I had never held a gun before. Unwanted, an image of Kylo Ren crept up and I could see him ending people’s lives with the piece of iron in his hand. How the eyes I once adored were another’s last sight. My fingers squeezed around the gun’s handle as I came to terms of how far gone he really was. I have to save myself from him. _Once again._

I studied the deadly thing between my fingers and figured I would maybe know how to use it, from the countless movies that I had seen. But even if the man behind this door was an animal, _I was not_. I wanted to shoot him, sure. But when I thought about it with all the seriousness, aiming the gun at him, watching him in the eyes as the bullet pierced his skull and seeing his life bleed out of him (I wouldn’t be too surprised if his blood would run black), I knew I couldn’t do it. I wasn’t a murderer and I had a conscience. Clean one at that too, I might’ve done borderline things and I had given much of myself to him, but nothing kept me awake at night and I wanted to keep it that way.

It was redundant to think about that anyway. As I managed to figure out how to get the magazine out, I saw it was empty. I shot a burning look at the door, hoping it would scorch through it and sear into his stone of a heart. I suppose he wasn’t a completely stupid animal. I threw the gun back into the otherwise empty drawer and slammed it shut, proceeding to rummage through the other one but no luck there either. After a good half an hour – his shiny artsy clock on the wall told me so – I found absolutely jack shit. Frustrated, I sat back by the door and pressed my ear to it.

I heard muffled talking but was unable to make anything out. It was clear he had turned into a different person, and the longer I stayed the less of a chance of living I had. I didn’t think for a second he was actually going to let me free after paying him. I scrubbed my face, feeling my elevated stress levels. I let out a profound sigh and a looked down at my exposed underwear. I suppose I should find something to cover myself with.

I walked to his closed, sliding one of the dark grey panels to the side, only to reveal more shades of black and grey. With an eye roll, I took one of his black long-sleeved shirts and let my ruined dress pool at my feet. I pulled his shirt over my head and wrinkled my nose as his scent was agonizingly strong. Feelings like comfort and home came up when feelings like that toward him were as hollow by now as a deceased tree. Buried, lost, gone forever. Shrouded in the darkness and twisted into something ugly with deceiving eyes.

I rolled his impossibly long sleeves to wrist length and even though I didn’t really need pants, as his shirt was well over my butt, I didn’t want to hang out in just a shirt and panties. Not that he hadn’t seen them a second ago. A shiver took over for a moment. Then I found black – no surprise there – sweatpants that were absurdly large but would have to do.

His scent was so strong now that I wished I could rip it out of his clothes. Images came to me and I creased my brow in an attempt to shun them away. Like a bad nightmare, I tried to push them out, but they kept bleeding back in, and after the day I had, I just gave up. I let them come to me. His gentle moss green eyes when I looked into them for the first time when I was eighteen and lost. How his embrace was the first one I truly trusted, whose words were as solid as the ground beneath me. I had finally gotten out of the hell of a foster system, but I didn’t know how to be an adult. I didn’t know how to get an apartment or to pay bills, I knew nothing. So I did some odd jobs, opportunities to do even odder presented themselves but I vehemently declined them. I might’ve been lost but I still had a strong sense of self, and _that_ was not something I was willing to do. Even if it meant more food. But Ben – _Kylo Ren_ – saved me. At first though, which now ironically seems to be correct, I thought he would be the end of me. I had broken into the mayor’s office, I was still small at eighteen due to malnourishment and could fit into tiny places. I was also motivated and quick. I didn’t care for the reasons why I had to steal a clock on the bookshelf behind the mayor’s assistant’s desk, I just wanted cash to pay for the crappy studio too deep in Brooklyn and for the ramen noodles.

But as my hands were wrapped around the clock and in the midst of putting it in my backpack, a tall man with an immaculate suit appeared from the mayor’s office. I knew he wasn’t the mayor, but the resemblance was striking, he looked exactly like his mother who I had seen on the news. He stopped typing on his expensive phone and stared at me still as a sculpture. And I knew I couldn’t talk my way out of this one, I was in an implicating position and there was no way around it. So, I ran. But for once, someone was faster than I was, and he trapped me by my backpack, wrenching me back to him.

“Who are you?” He questioned, voice low, face cast in the shadows.

“I’m—I’m no one.” He had no idea how true that was.

“Why are you stealing a worthless piece of a clock?”

I sighed. “Look, someone told me to take it and offered good money for it. I don’t ask questions and that’s why I got the job, okay?” Obviously, I was going to jail, so I saw no sense in trying to crawl at his feet and kiss his flawlessly polished dress shoes.

He hmph’d. Then looked around, and released my backpack with the clock. I looked at him with question marks and he waved his hand dismissively. “I’ll let you go, just tell me one thing.”

“I—Why?”

He grinned, and I thought it looked rather frightening in the darkness. “Does it matter?”

Later on, I would find out, it did. But my stomach gurgled, and I needed to get paid. So, I swung the backpack on my back and let him ask his ‘one thing’. He asked for my name, which I lied about of course, which he then caught and threatened to call the cops if I didn’t tell the truth. So, through gritted teeth, I mumbled my real name. He was satisfied and opened the window through which I had sneaked in the first place. I looked back at the strange man, and his eyes on me felt like a drug. He had grim half-moons below his eyes and his hair was bordering his face like a black fire. I leaped out onto the pavement then and sprinted, fearing all of it to be too good to be true. The whole way home I flew into the shadows and abandoned alleys whenever I heard a siren, or a flash of blue light ignited the streets. But I never found cops on my doorstep, what I found instead was much worse; Kylo Ren was knocking on it a week later.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, hey, thank you so much for reading. <3 Please let me know if you liked this or if there was something that you didn't like! I do this also to improve my writing. (+ English is not my native tongue so please excuse me if I have grammar mistakes, and feel free to point them out :) ) 
> 
> Updating next Sunday (aka exactly a week from now) again! 
> 
> Moodboard for this chapter on my Tumblr: https://kylothevillain.tumblr.com/post/175670641894/chapter-ii-send-a-prayer-up-above-read-here-on


	3. Chapter 3

A loud thump rang across the room, then elevated talking. Then silence. I backed away from his bedroom door and it unlocked shortly, revealing Kylo. He stopped abruptly as he saw his clothes on me, then turned his eyes to discover his rummaged bedroom. I hadn’t felt the need to put everything back in its place.

“Are you a child still, Rey?” Kylo asked flatly as his eyes landed back on me.

“Only for your nuisance.” I countered. _Bastard_. “I found your gun. Smart to take the ammo.” I motioned toward the nightstand behind me.

“And I see you also found my clothes—”                                                      

“Who was that asshole?”

He bit his jaw. “Hux.”

“You would’ve hated him before.”

He blinked. _Before_. When he was still human, and we were in love. He looked away.

“I’m standing him.”

“Just standing?”

“Yes.”

“You had to make it look like you were in the middle of raping me to Hux. How’s that _standing_ with you?” I crossed my arms in front of me, the word feeling heavy on my tongue.

He grew increasingly agitated at my interrogation. Frankly, I was surprised I made it this far. Kylo ran a hand through his hair, taking in an inflated breath.

“It was so he’d know you’re mine.”

I sneered. “So that I’m _yours?_ You sound ridiculous, Be—“, his eyes snapped back at me, “Kylo.”

He chose to let it go. I didn’t finish after all.

“You don’t know him. And nonetheless,” He advanced on me, looking like the demon he was with the living room backlighting him and the dark of the bedroom making him look sinister, “I do owe you, for now.”

 

 

* * *

 

 

Kylo had hauled the sofa from the living room and positioned it straight across from the bed. I think he was trying to feign chivalry as he grunted that he’d take the couch. I was having none of it and went straight to the couch myself, lying on it without saying a word. I was no guest, I was his prisoner and I’d rather be treated as such. He huffed, threw a blanket and a pillow to me and went to lock the door, putting the key in his back pocket. I lifted my brows at that, to which I got a smirk and an explanation, “So that you won’t steal it, scavenger.”I cringed at the old nickname and I wish I didn’t. He saw it but fortunately chose not to remark on it. He went to bed, turned off the lights and I lied in the darkness waiting for him to fall asleep, so I could steal the damn key. I really was predictable when it came to certain things, I won’t deny that.

It took a while for him to drift off, but finally his breathing got heavy and even, so I threw the blanket off and pushed the sleeves of his shirt past my elbows. I treaded closer to his bed, and looked at his unconscious face. He looked young like this, like before. I shook my head and reprimanded myself. _Focus up, Rey._

Gradually, I dragged the sheets off him, uncovering a pale back dotted with moles and I flinched as I made out scars that hadn’t been there before. I drew my mouth into a hard line as I tried to think about the life he has been leading while I was gone. After he left me. Another shook of my head; he’s obscuring my willpower much worse than what I thought. Maybe it’s just because it’s been so long, everything is coming back at once, smothering all else. But hopefully it would calm down and before long, settle.

I clenched my fingers around the ivory linen and drew them back more, to reveal his back pockets on his black jeans. I brushed my face as I realized if I get caught he’ll probably lock me in the broom closet or something. I have to try nevertheless, I _have_ to. My life rests on this, it’s worth the risk. And so, I slipped my small, tan finger into his pocket. It grazed the brass surface of the key, but I had to slide in another finger in order to tug it out. It’s not like I haven’t stolen things from pockets before, but beads of sweat still appeared on my temple.

A hand clasped around my wrist, and I shrieked as my heart soared to my throat. _Shit_. He fixed his eyes on me and gritted his teeth. I tried to twist my hand free but instead, he pulled it to him, so my knees thumped against the mattress and I lost my balance, falling over him. He swapped the position in one rapid move, so now he was over me again, holding me down. I couldn’t help the flood of memories of previous times I was under him. I closed my eyes.

“I should’ve done this the first time you tried to escape.” He said in a cautioning voice and as an answer I tried to go for the bite again, but he snatched my face before I had the chance.

“Stop. Trying. To bite me.” He sneered and let go of my face to reach into the nightstand, pulling something shiny out of it. He took both of my wrists, and encircled them with cold metal, then securing them to the bedpost on my left. I pulled at my hands, looking at him like he was crazy. _This was . . . new._

“Did you just cuff me into your bed, Ben!?” I screamed his name without thinking.

Eyes aflame, his hand shot up to my throat, constricting my breathing but if I really strained, I could wheeze in a little bit of air.

“ _Don’t_ call me that.” He spat from between his teeth and if never before then now, he looked like the monster he was. I tried to swallow but his hand on my throat didn’t let me.

He leaned down and for a flicker of a moment I thought he was about to kiss me, but instead his lips brushed my ear as he whispered with a cold breath, “If you want to get out of this alive, I’d strongly suggest doing as told.” He released his hold then, and I drew in a sharp breath like a newborn baby. After coughing profoundly to clear up my throat, I summoned up the strength to ask a question, which I really didn’t want to be answered but came out before I could kill it on my tongue.

“Will I really get out of this alive, _Kylo Ren_?”

“That’s up to you, _scavenger_.”

I let out a sigh and turned my head to the side, as that was all I could do. He got off me and went to the couch, his legs not fitting on it and after a few minutes of uncomfortable shifting he grunted, took the pillow and came back to bed but staying on the far edge, as if I was poison. I tried to turn as much as I could, cuffed as I was, but my arms already ached and by the morning light I hadn’t slept one second and felt like my arms would die off.

Kylo was now on his back, sprawled out next to me and the golden morning spilled from the hem of the blackout curtains. His black hair looked like flames around his face but what got my attention was the tattoo on his chest, on the left side. It was a sixteen-rayed symbol inscribed within a hexagon. That, also, was new. It didn’t look like any symbol I recognized, or had seen before. I saw a flash of it during the display he put up for Hux, but I was too busy freaking out to pay attention to it then. Kylo’s eyes opened and they shot to me, so I directed my stare away.

I yanked at the cuffs. “I can’t feel my arms.”

 

 

* * *

 

  
  
Kylo made breakfast. It was . . . an odd juxtaposition to say the least. We ate in silence and when Kylo was done he took his car keys from the little hook next to the door. I looked at him with raised brows, a spoon filled with yogurt in my mouth.

“Let’s go.”

I swallowed and looked theatrically down on my clothes. “I’m not leaving dressed in your gigantic clothes.”

Kylo exhaled profoundly and ran his fingers through his hair. “We’ll go by your place.”

My eyes went wide. “Uh… “

“Right. _Finn_.” As he said Finn’s name his face warped into that of a someone who had ingested sour milk. “We’ll go buy some then. Come on, let’s go.”

I felt like I was out on probation from jail with my probation officer next to me, as we walked down to the garage. We got into his black SUV and he felt it was necessary to cuff me into the handle of the door. I protested, and he retorted by saying it was my own fault. We drove to the closest mall and I told him I was not going to get out of the car, I looked absolutely ridiculous. To which he said I’d then have to use his clothes until the debt was paid off, so, I got out. _Pronto_. I at least got to choose the store, so I headed for the cheapest one and while getting plenty of weird looks, got jeans and shirts to last for a bit. Also, a decent pajama that was in no way provoking. I saw the smirk Kylo didn’t try to hide as I glimpsed at some of the prettier ones, (I could never afford cute impractical things but that didn’t mean they didn’t catch my eye), so I flipped him off and went for the most boring ones I could find. I also had to get underwear, so I barked at him to turn away while I picked some, but he said he couldn’t take that chance – I could, after all, escape again. So, he settled to stand a few feet away while I picked the most boring sets.

I didn’t need to try anything on, I didn’t get anything elaborate and I knew my sizes. I got plenty to last me a while in rotation. He was paying, and I was . . . _apparently_ staying a while. And this should do as my wardrobe for . . . the mentioned _while_. While he paid, the cashier was giving us a perplexed look; Kylo was wearing a black t-shirt with black jeans and I was clearly wearing his black shirt and black pants. After the transaction was done I started walking toward the changing rooms, but Kylo stopped me by my arm and shook his head.

“We don’t have time, change in the car.”

“I am _not_ changing in the car.” Not that he hadn’t already seen me in my underwear or . . . Way back then, without it, but this was poles apart and I didn’t want to display that part of myself to him again, at least not willingly.

“Yes, you are. We have an appointment from which we’re already running late.” He took the enormous plastic bag from my hand and started walking out of the store. I ran after Kylo and punched him in the arm. I felt like a Chihuahua trying to size up a lion.

“ _Asshole_.” I murmured under my breath to the lion. He gave me a sharp look and I think he heard me, but chose to ignore it.

“What appointment?” I asked.

“You’ll see.” He replied flatly. I puffed.

We got back to the car and he tossed the shopping bag to the back seat. I climbed in as well and asked him to adjust the rearview mirror, so he couldn’t see me. He did as requested – frankly I was a bit surprised he didn’t comment on it at all – and changed as swiftly as I could. I wiggled into the pair of dark blue jeans I chose and then put on a white fuzzy sweater. He handed me the handcuffs as soon as I was done and instructed me to cuff myself into the car door again. I suppose I can’t fault him for not trusting me. I will try to escape again if the opportunity arises. He and I both know it.

After ten minutes or so we were in Queens and parked in front of a barber shop, with a tattoo parlor and a bodega on both sides of it. Kylo opened the back door and uncuffed me, slipping the restraints into his back pocket. Did he think he was going to need them later? I crawled out of the car, questioning yet again where we were going.

Kylo pushed me toward the tattoo show and replied: “Here.”

“What? Why!?”

He just shoved me through the door as a way of answering, and I tried to push past him back outside. But he overpowered me and twisted my hand painfully behind my back, while hissing in my ear for me to stop. A man at the back stood up from behind a desk and stretched his arms into a cheerful hello. He was jacked and shaved bald, littered with tattoos.

“Sir, good to see you.”

I turned to gawk up at Kylo. _Sir?_

“You too, Alex.” Kylo said and nodded to the man, disregarding my baffled stare.

The shop had blood red walls which were filled with photographs and illustrations of tattoos. It had two leather chairs on a black and white tiled floor, and unflattering fluorescent overhead lights. Alex seemed to be the sole operator and owner of the place and he looked like I’d cross to the other side of the street. Kylo pushed me onward and I grimaced back at him.

 “The girl needs to be marked.”

“What!?” I hissed but Alex acted like I wasn’t even there, mirroring Kylo.

“You got it, boss. Where to?”

Kylo turned his attention to me now and lifted his brows, pending an answer.

“I am not getting a _tattoo_.”

He leaned in to speak with a precarious voice. “You can’t work for the mafia if you’re not marked. I saw you examining mine this morning, the tattoo means you’re in. And if you’re going to work off your debt, this is what you need to do.”

I choked back the anxious knot in my throat. It was the first time he had said it, and even though I had known, now there was no room for uncertainty. He was a part of a mafia and clearly had been a while now. He had made his wealth by spilling blood and he had marked his skin with their symbol. Kylo didn’t wait for an answer, he proceeded in thrusting me into one of the chairs and cuffed my wrist into its armrest. Alex looked unfazed. Perhaps he saw this often. I tried to squirm away and roared demands at Kylo to let me free. I was not about to get a gang mark that I’d have to bear for the rest of my life!

“Now, Rey, pick a place.” Kylo crossed his arms in front of him and waited. I still tried to trash in the chair, so Kylo took off his belt and secured my free hand to the other hand rest. I was immobile and furious. _Fine_. I tried to think of a place that would see the light of day the least.

“Under my armpit,” I said and tipped my chin to him smugly.

Kylo rolled his eyes but didn’t protest. He signaled for Alex to get to it.

“Rey,” Alex spoke, and I got startled hearing my name from his mouth, “you’ll need to take your shirt off.”

I sighted and rattled the cuff to Kylo. He uncuffed my other wrist to help me pull off the shirt so that it dangled from my other hand. Fortunately, my bra was in no way sexy. It was old and withered with lint in it. I grinned inwardly at my determined unsexiness. The secret smile froze though, as Alex told me to lie on my other side and place my free hand above my head. I refused, so Kylo turned me by force and detained my hand to hold it above my head. I shouted profanities at him and I thought he looked amused. Alex smoothed a blue sketch on my skin and I observed down to see. It was the same size as Kylo’s, about the same diameter as my fist.

Then his machine started buzzing to life between his fingers and he approached my skin. I squeezed my eyes shut and squirmed so much Kylo pressed his entire upper body on top of my head and chest. “Stop moving Rey, or I swear to god I’ll drug you again.”

Alex did not react to that as he should’ve. I, instead, did. “I don’t give a fuck what you do Kylo! As clearly you don’t give a shit that I’ll have a gang mark for the rest of my life!”

To that, Alex did react. He looked at Kylo, then me, his expression turning to that of a palpable worry. Worry for me? I looked up to see what he saw, and realized Alex was indeed worried for _me_. For my life that was. Kylo was enraged and as I saw the tick in his right eye, I stilled. All of a sudden, he was a haze around me as he uncuffed me, yanked me off the chair, pulling me next to him like a ragdoll and toward the back. He barked at Alex to wait one minute, as he forced me into the back alley through an emergency exit. I was sweaty, and the air felt even chillier because of it. I was standing in the dirty alley in just my bra and jeans with a furious man in front of me.

“Do you have a death wish? Is that it?” Kylo asked so calmly I don’t think I’ve ever been that scared of him. By the clenching of his fists by his sides, I determined that it took him everything not to yell at me from the top of his lungs. His knuckles were as white as the sky above us.

“I just, is that reall—“

“You’re lucky I didn’t just hand you over to Hux who’d be glad to have you whoring for him,“ Kylo wrapped his fingers around my throat, “you’re lucky I didn’t just torture you and then shoot you between your eyes.“

He pushed me against the dirty wall and tightened his hold and I was gasping for air like I was underwater. He traced my jawline gently with his other hand’s forefinger, leaving a burning trail at its wake. Down my neck along my vein, dripping into my collarbone, continuing down . . . down . . . between the valley of my breasts where I had a mole, stopping over it, feeling the pangs of my heart. He looked me square in the eye as he proceeded, until his finger hit my bra in the middle, then slowly pulling it down, forcing my breasts to swell under the pressure. He leaned in for a whisper, his soft black hair tickling my cheek. A contrast between his other hand, still wrapped around my throat like a snake.

“You’re lucky I didn’t force you to fuck me to pay it off.” Kylo then released me all at once and I collapsed down on the ground, gulping fresh air like a newborn baby. “You’re very _lucky_ you’re getting a tattoo, instead of a gravestone. But that’s what you will get if you call the most powerful mafia on the East Coast, one more time, a fucking puny _gang_.”

After a moment of mutual judging, he offered his hand to me but I slapped it away. Getting support from the wall behind me instead, I stood up and made a show of rubbing my neck. It really was sore though, I could feel the purple marks already forming like a ring around it. Kylo grabbed my arm but I twisted it away.

 “You made your point, I won’t struggle.” I pushed past him, and he allowed me to walk in by myself. Silently, I sat back in the chair and motioned Alex to ‘get to it’ like Kylo had. Kylo looked at me with a warning glance and sat on the other chair next to mine. Alex started the tattoo machine/thing again, I placed my arm above my head and clenched it around the edge of the chair, preparing for the pain. And oh, _it came._ The skin was thin and sensitive above the ribs and it felt like he was needling the tattoo into my bone. I clenched tighter, feeling the blood escape my hand. I bit my lip and held in my whimpers, I didn’t want to give Kylo the satisfaction. He watched me intently, crossing his legs. Fortunately, Alex was fast, clearly having done a few of these, but the pain seemed just to get worse over time. I hoped the skin would turn numb, but the opposite seemed to happen. I drew blood from my lip and a sweat had appeared on my brow. I bore my look into Kylo’s, but didn’t say anything.

I still thought it was beyond ridiculous to demand me to pay for the briefcase, but he was mafia and he could demand whatever he wanted. I suppose he was right about that; I was lucky. Maybe I had sentimental value to him, like an old pencil case, and that’s why I wasn’t already at the bottom of the Hudson. He did mention though that this symbol tattooed on me meant that I was in. In as in the mafia, or in as in the inner circle? I knew from movies that with the Russians two stars on your chest meant that you were a Vor, one of the leaders. So this couldn’t mean being a leader, but I also didn’t see this symbol on Alex and I didn’t imagine him being the kind of guy who’d want to hide it. Quite the opposite actually. I observed Alex’s bared arms (he was wearing a grey wife beater, of course), but only saw words that meant nothing and art that swirled and circled all over his skin. I wondered what his position in the hierarchy was, and then wondered where Kylo ranked. An intuition that said _high_ reared its ugly head. It wasn’t because of the fancy apartment or the expensive car, he came from money I knew that. His mother had been a mayor and his father was an antique collector. He grew up in apartments with high ceilings and learned in private schools. And that’s exactly why I knew he must be ranking high, and not only because the man who was tattooing me had called him Sir, but because someone who had gone to the most elite schools on Manhattan, would not rank low _anywhere_.

Rich, taste for blood and power with an intimidating physique. I suppose mafia was made for the man he had come to be, but I wanted to know what had pushed him into it. He didn’t seem miserable, didn’t seem to hate . . . whatever this was. I know he hated working for his mother, I know he despised his father. But something must’ve happened for him to become _this_. It hadn’t happened when he knocked on my door five years ago. After pretending like I wasn’t home, then him pointing out that he could see me through the blinds, I opened the door and he wasn’t there to blackmail me, but to help me. He gave me a job, a legitimate one. His mother-the-mayor, Leia, was exceedingly busy and Kylo seemed equally as occupied. He needed an assistant who was discreet, knew how to blend in and think fast. I stood there, looking at the man who was hovering a head above me and questioned his motives. I was a thief; how could he trust me?

“Because I’ll turn you in if you steal from me.” He said and flashed a grin.

So, Kylo became my boss and I worked for him dutifully. It was a lot of running errands and a lot of detailed assignments and I was good at them. He paid me well and he was the one that suggested college to me, helped me figure out how to set up a college fund and everything. The school was supposed to be in New York City though, I had found a perfect one too. He was also the one that suggested I’d major in finance, as then I could come work for him as more than an assistant. I could help him run their family business and make a name for myself. But then Kylo and I became . . . _more_ , undefined but more. And then he left, dropped everything and left the country. No note, explanation, or phone call. He just _left_. All his mother said was that they had been fighting more and more, but in the end, it was family business, not mine. And I had no part in it, even if according to Kylo I could someday. So, I had to accept that he was gone as fast as he came into my life. But New York had his stank all over it, so I couldn’t stay either. Later, after a new state, city and friends, I realized love made the danger in his eyes look like safety.

I couldn’t help but think about the times when I stayed over at his apartment, when we were tangled in the softest white sheets and I thought I had somehow made it to heaven, I thought he was my home. I’d never had one and I had found it in him. The warmth in his eyes looked like chaste love and his touch on my skin felt like the sweetest sin, and when his lips touched mine for the first time I felt it all the way in my soul. He had seared his mark on it since the first night we met, and then at that moment, in his mother’s office late at night, I felt safer than I ever had. Nothing could hurt me, nothing could get to me. He had placed his hand on my cheek and with his voice a low rumble in his chest, he had vowed so to me. _No one can ever hurt you again, scavenger._

Alex slapped my tattoo and I shrieked as a sharp pain shot through my torso. I returned to Kylo’s icy stare, instead of the warmth I had become to know. I wanted to tear through the castle he had built inside him, I wanted to light the fire again to melt the ice in his veins, but as a gun flashed on his hip when he straightened himself, I thought maybe there was nothing I could do to save him anymore.

Alex topped the skin with plastic and nodded his head. “All done.”

 

 

* * *

  
  
  
I was eating takeout on the floor of his living room while watching TV when Kylo dropped a manila envelope next to me and said: “Your first job.”

He sat on the couch behind me, his knee grazing my upper back. I scooted an inch forward and asked while mouth full of Chinese food, “what is it?”

It was three days later, and my tattoo had formed a crust to which I had to apply lotion to. I wanted to pick it and skip the lotion – I knew that would fade the tattoo – but so knew Kylo. So he said if I wasn’t going to take care of it, _he would._ Kylo had always liked barking orders but these days it seemed he did it avidly, to everything and anything he possibly could. So, I had to show him every morning how I applied the lotion. Secretly though, in the bathroom I tried to wipe everything off that hadn’t already absorbed. It didn’t seem to help truth be told, the tattoo was healing nicely, and I’d be stuck with it.

I also had asked Kylo’s phone again to call Finn and tell him I’ll come by the apartment. That one took a lot of convincing, but ultimately, he saw that having cops looking for me was not the best idea for what he wanted me to do. He drove me, told me I had ten minutes and then he was going to come up and get me, no matter that Finn knew who he was and how it would look. He also made some lurid comments about Finn in the car on our way there, which I found more amusing than serious really. Finn had been my best friend since the second day of high school, and even when Kylo Ren was Ben Solo and I saw no one else in this world other than him, Kylo was jealous of Finn.

I rolled my eyes at the remarks, got out of the car, took the key from the panel above the entrance and ran upstairs. Finn was there, watching Netflix with Poe. They screamed from the positive surprise and I told them so many lies I feel like I got my ticket to hell just for that. I packed things I had been missing, forced some more lies down their throats, and promised them we’d have lunch next week. I doubted I could do it, but it seemed like a thing a person would say to their friends after not seeing them for almost a week. Definitely not something a kidnapped-person-whose-captor-was-counting-the-seconds-in-the-car would say.

“What did you tell them?” Kylo asked, eyeing me distrustfully behind his sunglasses once I got back into the car.

I shrugged, replying with a casual tone like I was reciting what I had eaten today: “That a murderous mafia boss snake has kidnapped me.”

“I see.” He grunted but I saw the little start of a smile he was trying to hide. “So now you’ve determined I’m a mafia _boss_?”

“Well,” I started, looking at him like he was stupid, “Alex did call you ‘Sir’ and ‘boss’, so.”

He thought about it for a moment, then nodded. “Fair enough.”

We had settled into a sort of a rhythm during the past three days, if you could call it that. Any steering of the conversation into the past that I tried to do though, was swiftly shut down. I tried my luck at bedtime, seeing the gazes he thought I didn’t notice. I sometimes caught him, and he turned his head away like a dog begging for food. But he never addressed us, not what we were in the past or what we were now. Not that we were anything now, but of course, there was _something_. You don’t go from lovers to friends just like that, or if you do then you never really were lovers in the first place, not really in love at least. And oh. _We were so in love._ So as a punishment there was still the electric crackling in the air between us, the empty yearning, the habit of the body. The instinctive shivers and burning in the veins whenever our skins touched. The craving I felt when I watched his resting face in the dark of his room, amongst white sheets, raven mane bordering his face as in a painting. I could feel the edges of love, lingering, waking up from suppression and me trying to shove them back down where they belonged, but them bleeding back into my bloodstream, drop by drop. It made everything harder.

I couldn’t kill him. If he was anyone else maybe I would’ve at least tried. Considering the hard fact that my chances of living, or at the very least leading a regular life after this, were _extremely_ slim, perhaps I would’ve tried harder to harm if he was someone else. He hadn’t hidden the knives like one would think would be smart, seeing as I did wield one toward him, so I think he knew that too. I couldn’t bring myself to hurt him, not even if I wanted to. Which, I tried to tell myself that I really did want to, but then why hadn’t I already grabbed one of the knives and stabbed him in his sleep? The thought sent shivers, and that already said enough.

“Still eating on the floor.” He stated amused from behind me, and I turned to look at him. He had bed hair and my heart tightened, just a little bit.

“Still,” I replied, turning my gaze away and trying to summon the image of him murdering someone to banish all the inappropriate thoughts.

I looked at the manila envelope he had dropped next to me. It couldn't mean anything good.

“Open it.”

“Do I have to?”

“Yes, Rey.”

I groaned but opened it, just to close it as hurriedly. It was pictures of a well-known senator in a . . .   compromising position with who was clearly a prostitute. She appeared to be peeing on him. I wasn’t very up to date on politics, but I knew this one had a wife and two young kids. Everyone knew this sort of thing would excellently ruin a senator’s career, including the senator involved. Whatever they wanted out of him, was without a doubt going to be achieved.

“Blackmail?”

“You’ll meet him in Central Park tonight to hand over this envelope.”

“I know I can’t say no,” instead of a bullet in the brain I got a manila envelope; his remainder rang loud and clear in my head, “but I just want you to know that I’m not supporting this.”

He scoffed. “I think you’ll support this more than the other things I could have you doing.” Kylo was still sitting behind me, so all I saw was the camel envelope that was burning in my hands, but then something else burned on my neck. His fingers brushed my hair behind my ear, lingering on the skin, lightly stroking it with his cold fingers. He then slowly wrapped his fingers, like a slow dance at a high school prom, around my neck, over the now fading violet marks he had given me three days ago, and then stayed lingering above my pulse. “Unless you’d rather be doing _other . . ._ things.”

My resolve found me then, and I swatted his hand away, shooting up straight. I looked at the man sitting in front of me, in his black jeans and black shirt. “You’re a monster.”

He grinned, but it looked more like a wolf exposing his teeth now that I saw him for who he was.

Kylo leaned forward then and replied, boring his eyes up at me: “Yes, I am.”

I turned my back to him and avoided being in the same room with Kylo for the rest of the day. I took a nap, then a prolonged shower, and did my hair even longer. I figured I wanted to try and look a little bit different, so maybe the senator won’t recognize me in the possible future I might still have outside of this criminal organization. I wiped the massive mirror from the humidity of his bathroom, which was dipped in gloomy marble. I had dark imprints under my eyes and almost faded out lilac marks haunting on my neck.

 _Asshole_.

I rubbed some of his lotion from the sink on my face, regretting it as soon as his smell intruded my nose. Not that I hadn’t already used his shampoo and conditioner and soap, which more than did their part but this one was even more pungent. And not pungent in a bad way, which I detested even more. I decided to part my hair from the side instead of the usual middle parting, taking the effort to curl it with the iron I had brought back from Finn’s. I also tried to do my face paint stronger than usual, and that one took the longest. I wasn’t skilled with the makeup, and I did end up looking like a raccoon at first, but after wiping some excess eyeshadow off I thought it looked rather decent. I also did my best to cover up the marks on my neck, and I did manage to do it, if you looked at my neck from a certain light and angle.

I robed in all black, figuring it worked for Kylo. And I never dressed in all black so there was that too. I emerged from his bedroom to see Kylo slicing vegetables, but he turned when he heard me and rested the knife on the cutting board. He looked at me from head to toe, and this time I didn’t think it was on purpose. His lips fell slightly open and his eyes darkened as he took me in. He lingered on my eyes until finally turning back to his vegetables.

“I see you tried to make yourself look different.” He said, voice hollow of feeling. Almost too much so, like he had something to hide.

“Do you care?” I asked.

“I prefer you with less makeup.” He said, and I gawked. How _dare_ he. The audacity! The nerve to— “but you did well, scavenger.”

“Wha—Well? Don’t call me that.”

“Less puppy, more wolf.”

“You think I look like a _puppy_ usually?” I asked, voice rising with every word.

Kylo disregarded my butt-hurt comment and set a plate with a steak and asparagus on the marble island, in front of the seat in which I had taken up on sitting. He finished his work with a stab of a fork. He pointed the barstool and I was too hungry not to sit down, so I did. He sat next to me with a plate of his own, and I tried to get him to explain to me exactly why he thought I looked like a _puppy_. And how _dare_ he say such things to me. And how he should just focus on his own, villainous appearance and think about how that reflected out to the world. He cut my imaginary rant off by leaning in and smelling the air around me.

“You smell like me.” He noted.

I leaned away from him. “I had to use your shower stuff.”

He smelled again. “I like it.”

“Note to self; buy shower stuff.” I muttered while chewing on my stake.

Kylo was in one of his moods again, it was dark outside now and I thought so was in his mind. He took a strand of my short hair between his fingers and studied it with his dark gaze. “I rather like you this, at my mercy.” He spoke in a low voice.

A pang in my chest appeared, kicking my heart rate up. At his mercy? Yes, I suppose it was true. But the look in his eyes and the posture of his body told me he wanted to have me _completely_ at his mercy, and I didn’t trust that Kylo was human enough to restrain himself if he really wanted something. All my muscles tensed as I slowly encircled the fork on my plate, weapon ready if need be. He moved his fingers into my scalp, on the back of my head and clasped a fistful of my hair, forcing my head back.

“You look older with makeup.”  He said as his eyes traveled on my skin.

“I know.” _That’s why I had done it, Sherlock._ He released me from his hold, and I tried to take a deep breath in secret. He had an effect, but he didn’t need to know about it.

“You know, Hux suggested you’d be a fine addition to our traps.” I didn’t know what he referred to, but anything coming from Hux’s mouth couldn’t possibly be good.

“Young, pretty girls trapping important people in embarrassing situations.” He explained after I raised my brows.

“Are the girls forced into it?”

He looked at me like I had offended his grandfather (which was a whole another story), “we’re not savages, Rey. No, they do it because there’s good money in it, but no sex involved.”

“Oh.” I said and picked at my stake, “are you going to make me do that?”

He looked at me and there was a flash of something in his eyes, but it was too fast to be recognized. “Hux knows you’re mine because of the show I put up for him. He thinks you’re here as my slave, to do with what I please. Even he knows not to touch another man’s toy.”

I blinked, astounded. “Well, glad to know the mafia is up to date on the twenty-first-century gender equality.”

“We are, just not when it comes to _thieves_.” He looked at me through narrowed eyes.

“I stole nothing! You got distracted, _you_ lost the briefcase!” I pointed my fork at him, furious. I might’ve been a thief once, he knew that better than anyone, so he also knew I did not actually steal the damned briefcase!

“You are the reason it’s gone, and now you pay. You have no rights within our ranks, had you joined out of free will as my girlfriend, you would be treated very differently I assure you.”

 _Girlfriend?_ Had he become delusional? I would’ve tried to bring the stars from the skies for him four years ago, I would’ve jumped in front of a car, I would’ve died for him. I thought he was my soulmate, my salvation and answer to my prayers. My heart was his and I thought his was mine, he made it convincingly seem so. And now he’s talking of it nonchalantly, like he didn’t destroy my world in a day. He taught me trust and love, and he broke both.

“Well that’s as likely to happen as hell freezing over.” I needed to get space between us, suddenly his presence felt suffocating, sucking all the air out. I picked up my plate and said, “You left, remember?”

Instead of fists hitting a surface, or a shout or a grunt or a bark of a command, I heard a quiet voice replying to my back; “I left because I had no other choice.”

I lowered my plate onto the sink. “Tell me.”

The doorbell rang, and the coldness returned. I didn’t need to look at him to know the expressionless mask had returned to his face.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading!! Chapter 4 coming up next Sunday again! If you liked this chapter, please consider giving it kudos, it would mean the world to me <3
> 
> So, do you think Kylo is an irredeemable asshole? And will our Rey try to escape, no matter the cost? Maybe we'll get some answers in the next chapter... ;)


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, guys!! So glad to still have you with me <3 WARNING: some smut coming up... a bit non-con so if you're not into that, maybe don't read after the halfway line/mark thingy. ;)
> 
> Thank you so much again for reading!! Come say hi in the comments below or chat with me on tumblr & stroke my fragile trash writer's ego <3 https://kylothevillain.tumblr.com/

 

I focused staring daggers into the redhead’s hair.

Hux was sitting on the passenger’s seat of Kylo’s car, me in the back. He had told Kylo on the display that someone named ‘Snoke’ had agreed with him, that it might be a good idea for Hux to go along. Kylo’s jaw clenched and he snarled at Hux that we’d be down in five. Now we were driving on the Brooklyn Bridge, in the orange hue toward Central Park. Kylo was quiet, shutting down all attempts by Hux to get him to talk about me as if I wasn’t present. Hux had asked if Kylo ‘enjoyed the past three nights, or even, perhaps days as well?’. Kylo had scoffed back that what he did with me, was no one’s concern, except mine. At that Hux had scanned my neck, and I was certain the lighting and angle were all wrong and the purple marks were shining through. His mouth twisted into a sinister grin and he looked at Kylo, almost impressed. Impressed that he didn’t think Kylo had it in him to rape a girl? And as a bonus, abuse her while at it. I wanted to punch that grin off his face, but I knew better than to start a fight in the car with two bloodthirsty mobsters. So I focused my stare out the window. Tourists with selfie sticks, lovers out on a romantic night with a movie setting surrounding them.

If I was in a movie, it was an R rated thriller where everyone dies and no one has morals.

We parked on the street next to Central Park, and Kylo turned around to describe where the politician was going to be waiting. I picked up the envelope from next to me, hand on the door ready to step outside when Kylo added: “Tell him Kylo Ren is _personally_ seeing this through.”

I nodded, hearing Hux say to my back “Kylo hates failures, for your pretty neck’s sake I hope you’ll do good.”

But something told me, he hoped the _exact opposite_. I walked over to the eleventh streetlamp and indeed, there was a man waiting in a beige trench coat and a baseball cap. An attempt to hide his identity no doubt. I got a little nervous as the reality of the situation started to set it. Here I was, a nobody delivering blackmail to a senator in Central Park. What if this was a setup and something goes wrong and . . . and . . . I didn’t know exactly what. Something, bad. But nothing bad happened. I nodded my head to him, he nodded his back. A silent agreement of exactly what we were doing. I handed the envelope to him, he opened it to glimpse inside but put it down as if it burned his eyes. As they had burned mine.

I figured now was the best moment. I repeated Kylo’s vague threat and my voice sounded startlingly loud in the loud silence we were in. But even more disturbing was his reaction at the sound of Kylo’s name. His eyes shot wide and he instantly observed around him madly.

“Is he here?” He stuttered, voice pitched from sheer terror. He looked like an animal trapped with no way out, so instincts took over in the form of blind terror. I don’t think I wanted to know what Kylo had done to the man to make him shiver at the sound of his name. And I didn’t know what to answer, I didn’t want him dying of a heart attack, which, I think was going to happen if I said Kylo was just outside the park.

“Kylo Ren is everywhere,” I answered, opting for a vague melting of both.

He seemed to accept the answer, placing the manila envelope inside his coat and asked if we were done. I nodded, turned my back to him and started walking back to the car. The senator walked off to another direction and I felt guilty, but not as guilty had I not googled him. Because that I did, and he was as crooked as they come. Deep in the deep pockets of the NRA, in bed with oligarchs, affairs as long as his marriage and a bank account in the Bahamas. Maybe this was just karma coming to him, in the form of me.

When I was about to step into the street from the dark of the trees, a thought arose and I froze on the sandy path. _Couldn’t I just . . . run off? Right now?_ No handcuffs, no leash, no watchdog. Just the dusk of the park and my black clothes. I looked around, weighing my options. If I ran and Kylo caught me in the presence of Hux, he would be obligated to reprimand me in a much crueler fashion that what I’m sure he would, if we were inside four walls. At least I hoped that would be the case, I shouldn’t place any expectations of mercy or goodness on Kylo. But how could he even know I’ve run off? Hope flickered inside me as I realized, _he wouldn’t._

I sprinted into the grass, the damp ground feeling slippery but I ran as fast as I could, even at the danger of slipping down hard. _My freedom_ , I could taste it, almost touch it. It was so close, I could run to the other side of the park, hail a cab, go to the police, knock on the first door that came into view. I hadn’t done anything willingly, nor taken anyone’s life, I was still fairly clean. The tattoo on my side might tell a different story, but that was a bridge to be crossed then. Legs burning, I had made it to the other side of Central Park, appeared from the trees and now crossing the street still busy with cabs and people. I ran to the first brownstone apartment door, and knocked on it feverishly, howling help for my life. I scanned behind me and saw no sight of Kylo or Hux. I raced to the other door, thumping frantically at the cobalt, wooden door with a golden handle and slowly, it unlocked. It revealed a worried looking lady, perhaps in her seventies, with narrowed blue eyes.

“Please, please, help me ma’am, someone is after me please let me in!” I begged, out of breath and lungs aflame. It was a miracle I got any words out at all.

The lady considered me with concerned cerulean eyes but let me in. “I’ll call the police”

“Yes, yes, please.” I puffed while moving in.

“What happened to you, sweetie?” She asked while closing the door, but turned to look at it when it banged to a stop just before locking. We both looked down and saw a black boot peeking from the crack. Then, long fingers curled around the door like spider’s legs and forced it open. Kylo’s head came into view after and I could feel my newly reclaimed freedom slipping away from between my fingers like sand and I was ready to scream, but my throat dry nothing came out.

Kylo flashed the most disturbing grin and exclaimed: “There you are, honey! It’s all good, the mugger ran off, you’re safe now.”

I gaped at him, panic crippling me and just when I regained the movement in my legs and took the first step to run off, he grabbed my arm and yanked me into an embrace that felt like a cage.

“How stupid do you think of me, Rey?” Kylo spat in my ear and I was certain I was going to die. He then turned me around, and I felt the cold hard barrel of a gun jabbed against my lower back. “Thank you so much for helping my girlfriend, she really just went into a shock.” He explained to the older woman observing us. Kylo saw her unsureness I’m sure, as I felt his hand caressing my head and bowing down to give my temple a tender kiss. “You’re alright now honey, I’m here you’re safe.”

He pressed the gun harder on my back and I faltered, “y-yes, I’m okay now. S-so sorry to bother you, ma’am.”

Her expression relaxed and a gentle relief flooded her blue eyes. “Oh, I’m glad you have each other. I wish I still had my Earl, actually, your boyfriend reminds me of him quite a bit. When I met him in 1942, no, no, 1946 I—, or was it 1941? You know what, it was 1943 and—,”

“I’m so sorry ma’am but we really do have to get going.” Kylo interrupted with a polite voice, but I could make out the undercurrent of aggravation in it.

“Oh!” She threw her hands up apologetically, “of course, I apologize look at me rambling! I’m sure you two lovebirds have better to do on a fine night such as this, but might I just say, you two would make the loveliest darlings in the world! But I must say, marriage . . .”

Kylo leaned down leisurely, veiling a threat hissed in my ear as a lover’s gentle kiss, “if you don’t make her shut up, this won’t end well for _either_ of you.”

He nudged me with his gun again.

“. . . As in the Bible, a woman is made from a man’s rib—“

“I’m so sorry to interrupt but we’re actually taking care of my sick mom at home, so we should get back to her.”

“Oh good lord, go on then!” She said and rushed us out the door. I knew that would work on her since she clearly appreciated traditional family values and was a zealous Christian. Yet, she wouldn't have needed to quote the Bible to tell me that, the giant cross across her overtly decorated the hallway spoke for itself. Also, I didn't have a mom so, no bad conscience there about lying her being sick.

We walked the steps down as she wished us and my non-existent sick mother good health and blessings. Kylo hauled me down the rest of the steps and hid his gun while shifting his grip from my arm into a possessive interlacing of our fingers, which sent shivers down my spine. He held my hand so tight I started getting pins and needles, and I desperately tried to yank my hand out of it, but his hand didn't budge.

“So sorry again, ma’am. Have a good night!” Kylo said, waving his goodbye. As soon as the door closed, he turned his eyes on me, all goodwill gone and all fury loose. He yanked me down the stairs, forcibly pulling me after him back into Central Park, with his gun digging into my side discreetly through his jacket. Once we were in the shade of the trees he said to me with a calmness that reminded me of the stale air right before a storm: “You will be punished for this.”

I wanted to sprint again and he sensed it, because he swiped me off my legs, which sent me tumbling hard against the wet grass and allowing him to pin me down. He took something out of his coat pocket and I felt a prick on my neck. As I thought about damn mosquitoes, I realized he had drugged me, _again_. My mind quickly slipped from me, even as I tried to fight the darkness with everything I had. As the world was going dim and hazy and heavy, I felt my body being yanked off the ground and then . . .

I was out.

   
  


* * *

   
  
  
“Would you like to be drunk for this?” Kylo Ren asked, offering me a glass of whiskey.

I took the offering from his hand and gulped it down with a hiss. It burned all the way down, I hated whiskey. He refilled the glasses, handing the other one for me again. It was twelve or so hours later and I was awake, three hours later and the terrible headache had subsided a little, only to come back when Kylo told me what the consequences would be for my little escapade. When I protested them, Kylo huffed I was lucky he had the needle with him, since if I would’ve been conscious Hux would’ve expected him to reprimand me right there and then. Like he would, and has, to all who tried to escape their debt for the First Order or simply disobeyed direct orders. I didn’t want to know, and he didn’t tell me more, except that we were to go meet Hux and a few others tomorrow and that the marks of those said repercussions had to show on me.

I had known the risks, considered them, and ran. This was to be expected, but still. It infuriated me that he had willingly chosen this life. He had chosen a path where people had to be punished and killed for their wrongdoings, and he must be enjoying some part of it since he wasn’t forced into this. So here I was, sitting in his living room and chugging down expensive whiskey to be drunk enough so he could give me a black eye.

“It doesn’t matter that I’m a woman?” I asked, taking a big swig then. I couldn’t help but make a face after every nip, this stuff was horrendous, I really couldn’t understand how this could be so many people’s drink of choice. 

He gave a quick smirk, partly to my whiskey-induced-grimace I’m sure. “Where’s the equality in that? You did wrong, now you’ll be punished. Man or woman.”

I groaned, his logic was irritatingly undebatable. He drank but did not grimace. His long limbs were stretched out on the sofa opposite of me, crossed.

“Why are you drinking for this?”

He looked at me, clearly deliberating on what to say. His mouth twitched and he looked into his crystal glass as he answered, “contrary to what you believe, I don’t want to abuse you.”

I gave a hollow laugh and took a sip. “You’re right, I don’t believe that. It was your choice to bring me in.”

“There were others, it was either take you or kill you. Those were your options, Rey. If you’d like, I can give you the latter one.”

“You couldn’t.” _Why? Because I couldn’t?_ That proved nothing. I’ve never killed, he has. He knows what it feels like to take another’s life.

“If that’s the option you choose; I will grant you that.” He looked at me and I tried to search for any sign that he was feigning it. To my shock, I found none.

“So, what? Are you going to tell me again how lucky I am? How you saved me?” I finished the glass and stretched my arm out with the glass for him to top it off again. He did and finished his own while at it. I could feel the whiskey starting to warm me up, making the blood run wilder, warmer, heat gathering onto my cheeks.

“Let’s play a game.” I proposed, after a while of silently observing his set jaw, with my unaddressed mockery hanging in the air. Maybe I’ll get him to talk about the past this way.

He raised his eyebrows. “What kind of game?”

“Truth or truth. Every time we answer, we must say the truth and take a shot of the toughest poison you have.” I lowered my drink on the living room table between us, looking at him challengingly in the eyes. “Ask me anything. I won’t lie.”

“I’ve never heard of this game.”

“I just invented it.”

Kylo contemplated, and after a moment of staring at me he finished his drink and got up. He walked over to his little bar in the corner of the room, taking out a bottle of clear liquid and two shot glasses. He set them on the table, pouring both of them to the rim.

“Fine. Did you ever want to fuck Finn?” He sat back down, looking at me with deadly seriousness. The alcohol, however, had started to take the seriousness of everything away on my part, and I busted into a laugh.

“Finn is gay, Kylo.” I managed to say after a few deep breaths.

A surprise visited his face but then he asked again, “it doesn’t matter. Were you ever attracted to him?”

I lifted my finger up in the air. “Ah, ah. My turn now. Drink.”

He grunted but drank and waited.

“How’d you know I was running away in Central Park?”

Now he smirked. “I know you, scavenger. I placed a tracker in your shirt.”

I shouldn’t be surprised. Yet, I was. I drank the shot and lord, it felt like I just swallowed nail polish. It was, of course, an expensive bottle, only the very best for a fancy mafia man but I couldn’t tell the difference.

“Were you ever attracted to Finn?” He repeated his question and I groaned. I had almost forgotten how possessive he could be.

“Yes, I even dreamed of him fucking me.” Kylo’s eye twitched, perhaps I shouldn’t poke the bear. But oh, it was _fun_ poking the grouchy bear, watching his handsome face contort into jealousy.

Kylo leaned in toward me on the couch, and asked with his mouth drawn into a hard line: “Did you dream of him while you were with me?”

 _No_. “Yes.”

He shot up and walked behind me, his shadow engulfing me. I heard his heavy breathing, imagined how his fists were tight on his sides, eye twitching like it was dancing. I took a shot, then turned on the sofa to face him to ask my question. An uncontrolled shiver vibrated through me as I looked into his furious eyes, as he almost appeared to shake from trying to contain himself. And lord was he handsome when he was jealous, more handsome than what I remembered. So massive, and virile and I found myself wanting to trace the bulging sapphire veins running up and down his snowy arms. I had to bite down on my lower lip to remind myself that this was the whiskey and fancy vodka talking, that’s all. Remnants, lingering ghosts haunting empty places. It didn’t mean anything. It didn’t mean anything even if my gaze went to his now parted lips and stayed there, recalling how they felt against my skin, how his hot breath summoned goosebumps and how his voice did dark things to my soul. I wondered if there were other women out there, who were dreaming of him the way I did, whose hearts he had broken like mine, or had he just used them for fun for a night? As his own entertainment? Surely there would be plenty willing, powerful and rich as he was. It was an aphrodisiac to most.

“How many women have you been with since you left?” The question slipped out like an extension of my inner monologue, but he didn’t flinch.

“One.” He replied, voice rough. I carelessly reached for the table behind me to hand him the shot glass, but he walked around the sofa, sunk next to me and got the glass himself. He drowned it while looking at me so intensely I’m not entirely sure it was only the alcohol now heating my cheeks.

“You asked two; I have one left.” I pointed out, crossing my legs. He nodded. “Do you like killing people?”

To that, he did blink. He lowered his head, looking at me under his brows. “No. But I don’t feel bad about it either, every death I deliver is asked for.”

He downed a shot, and I wanted to sink my hands into his hair and then got disgusted at myself.

“How many men have you been with . . . _after_.” He couldn’t even say it.

I gulped but it was my game, I wasn’t about to cheat on it. Even if I did want his face to twist into angry Kylo again.

“No one.”

He froze like he was scared it was a lie and about to break. “I’m still the only one?”

I nodded, poured two shots and drank the other one. There was a tingling sensation everywhere and even though I would qualify as being drunk by now, it was not only the alcohol doing it. My abdomen clenched when he looked at me like he did before, and the air had turned into a crackling energy that surrounded us, making my hair stand. _I wanted him._ It echoed from the deepest corners of my core, after years of forced submission, after years of neglect. It demanded to be recognized, to be fulfilled, and it craved his hands on my body doing sinful things, his lips whispering dark things into my ear. I wanted him and it took everything in me not to give into the spinning of the room, which seemed to want me to spin into his lap. I closed my eyes, trying to find my resolve which had gone into hiding, drowned by the alcohol’s spell. I felt a hand on my cheek and my eyes shot open to see his hooded eyes leaving a burning trail on my lips where they were focused on. “Still only mine.” He murmured and I don’t think he realized he said it out loud. I was always going to be only his, there was never anything else. Everything else felt wrong. I was ever only his, no matter what. Like a red thread, all around us, binding us, our fate. Even if it’ll end up being my death.

“Who was the one you were with?” I asked, unconsciously tilting my head to his hand still lingering on my face. It felt like home, like safety. And most terrifyingly, _it felt like love._

“A mistake.”

“Why?” My eyes were closed, halfway out of this world, deep inside my own. All the years without him weighted heavy, ready to explode.

“It was all wrong. She wasn’t you, it felt like a thousand ants crawling under my skin.”

I stopped in the middle of my breath and I felt like melting and bursting and dying right then and there. All those nights spent yearning after him, then feeling guilty because he had left, he had abandoned me and I was pathetic to waste another second thinking about him. But it seems he was longing for me too, feeling the invisible tug at our very souls for being apart. It ached at nights like a severed limb, never truly allowing peace.

Kylo pushed me down onto the couch, took a shot for answering, and kissed me. Kylo kissed me and it felt like the floodgates were opened and the elephant had vanished, as all it had asked was to be addressed and Kylo’s lips on mine were doing just that. Addressing. My soul was alight and the alcohol made his kiss seem all-consuming, melting all away from around us, leaving just the two of us. It was easy to fall back into it; we did it so well back then. And it was like no time had passed between us at all, like he wasn’t in a mafia, like I hadn’t gone to college, like we were back at his apartment after a long day of working for his mother and I was home in his embrace. He kissed me like the world around us was burning and it certainly did feel like it, _I was burning_. I needed air, I needed water, I needed to stop this madness I realized. The image of him pointing a gun at me seared through the whiskey-vodka haze and I pushed my hands against his chest, turning my head to the side to break off the kiss. He took my hands and pressed them against my own chest.

“Don’t fight it, Rey. You loved me once, you’ll love me again.” He said with a sober look in his eyes. Monster, _monster_ is all he was. Dark, gloomy, sinister criminal, he was all of it. He leaned in to press reddened lips back against mine, and I really wanted to give myself again, the devil was tempting me, whispering promises of old pleasures into my ear and as his lips crashed with force against mine, I unwittingly replied, _hungrily_. His free hand snaked under my shirt, leaving goosebumps in its wake. The hardened skin on his fingers splayed across my stomach and my resolve slipped further from reach, alcohol and loneliness taking the reins. As his hand engulfed almost my entire torso, he moved a little to the side in order to slide it up more, until it reached my bra. Somewhere, deep and far away a weak shriek of ‘stop him’ was heard. I was being stupid but my heart knew exactly what it was doing, eager to be broken again by the only man who could fix it. The only man who could fix everything, and I hated more than anything that he had the power.

“Ben, stop.” I yelped weakly against his kiss, without realizing what had slipped.

His hand cupped my breast roughly and I shrieked from the sudden pain. His palm was big enough to consume all of my chest if he wanted to, and now he was using it to enslave my right breast under his tough hold which made me squirm under him.

“Does this feel like _Ben_ to you?” He derided and gripped even tighter, forcing another shriek of pain (but also a not so small part of pleasure that I will deny to the heavens).

“No, Kylo fuck, please it hurts!” I bellowed, but the heat throbbing between my legs was much more troubling than the pain on my breast. And _much_ more dangerous. I tried to squeeze my legs firmly together to have some sort of control back over my own body, but Kylo wouldn’t let me have even that.

He wedged a knee between my legs and leaned in to croon with a treacherous tone into my ear, “little pain is good, Rey.”

He released my breast, moving onto my neck. He caressed it, kissed the sensitive spot behind my ear, then gripped my throat and a gasp escaped from me. If never before then now I was utterly at his mercy. Alcohol coursing through my veins and a weird heat in my core I didn’t know what to do, it was all behind a hazy cloud, and when he leaned in to kiss my neck I was debating myself over the fact that was this worth the evadable regret that would throb like a fresh wound in the morning? And when he nipped the skin over it, a small moan to my horror came out. He played me like a master violist and all I could do was stand back in awe, forgetting that I should know better. I could feel his lips curving into a conceited smile against my skin, and then he bit down, _hard_. I screamed, tried to free myself from the hold I was still in but his hand was firmly clasped over both of mine, securing them against my own chest. His free hand was on my brow, steading me. He let go of the skin on my neck finally, and I saw a trickle of blood on the corner of his mouth, and I could swear I felt some drop down my neck.

“I — d-did, you just _bite_ me!? Kylo!? What the f—“ I slurred, unable to comprehend how this could be some sort of new kink of his. The—before, he was . . . I mean sure, he had always liked to be the one in command but this, this was . . . _Lord_ , I couldn’t concentrate; the bite throbbed and elicited searing pain all over my body. He ignored my shock, taking another shot and kissing me, but as he forced my mouth open, liquid poured from his mouth into mine and my position required me to swallow it or I’d choke. While I was coughing my throat out he took the belt of his jeans, tugged my hands above my head and slightly to the right, tying them with it and then tying the other end to the leg of the sofa. My head was whirling, and I tried to figure out where Kylo had suddenly gotten these . . . these kinds of desires. He was so . . . overbearing and I just, _I couldn’t think._

“Look at you, scavenger”, he said while tracing my jaw with his index finger, looking down at his handiwork. “So beautiful like this.” He flashed a dangerous smile and before I could question him, he ripped my shirt open and leaned down to kiss my collarbones, nibbling, sucking, like it was his to do so.

“I’m not, I don’t—“ I tried to get some sort of nonconsensual remarks out but I felt very consensual at the moment, I just knew I wished I didn’t, he was my captor and he was the thorn on my side and he was the plague of my dreams. I wasn’t entirely sure this wasn’t just another night terror.

“Shhh.” He hushed, breath fiery against my skin as he lowered himself to the sensitive place between my breasts. I tried to summon up the words to make him stop but none appeared. Even when his hand circled around my throat again, none came to my tongue. He pressed just enough to almost cut off my breathing, almost. He rubbed the skin roughly as if wanting to get the purple choker back. And I realized then what he was doing.

“You . . . ah, I thought – punishment was . . . oh, a black eye?” I somewhat managed to slur between my thoughts, closing my eyes as it was redundant to try and get them to focus anywhere.

A dark chuckle rumbled. “I lied.”

 _Bastard_. I pulled at the restraints, wanting to touch his hair, wanting to get free, I wasn’t really sure which and it didn’t really matter. His belt bit into my skin but I was too drunk to notice. He then grabbed my tied up arms, pressing them hard down onto the couch. My skin hurt but his mouth moved above my breast now, and with my wrists secured, I couldn’t move them from his painful grip. There was only a thin piece of cloth between his lips and my nipples and he breathed into it and suddenly the pain mixed with pleasure and I wasn’t sure whether to plead for him to stop or to do it more. His hands circled around my arms even tighter and pins and needles appeared to my fingers. At the same time, he moved on to caress my nipple through the bra gently with his mouth, pleasurably, increasing the mix of the two. Then his mouth moved back onto my neck and I winced as I felt another sharp pain, but this was a different kind I realized through the fog. It was a . . . _pulling_ kind. It was in the middle of my neck, to the side and it, too, would leave a handsome mark. He drew my skin into his mouth like he could eat me up, like there was a reward at the end of it. He stopped after a few minutes, licking the skin over it, kissing it gently. It was overly sensitive and shot straight into somewhere much more inappropriate. Monster, murderer, mafia don, snake, but _my god._ The things he did with his mouth, lord I was gone.

I felt progressively delirious, and I wanted to speak something, and I tried but only incoherent babbles came out and only the sweltering need between my legs mattered and only the love I had tried to suffocate was on the surface now. He was the most handsome man I had ever known and even though I pretended interest and wanted to feel interest to others in college, none measured, and his dark hair and jade eyes haunted me at night, and this was all I had ever wanted, and I think . . . I think I’m— _I’m going to be sick._

I slurred something along the lines of I was going to pass out, and I felt nothing anymore, I didn’t feel his belt tight around my wrists, I didn’t feel his hands marking my arms, I didn’t feel the throbbing bite bleeding on my neck, I didn’t feel his hand’s aftermath as aching muscles on my neck, I didn’t feel the tingling of the mark he’d made, I just felt the darkness closing in. I shut my eyes and was powerless to open them anymore. The darkness, it was coming, cornering me in. Somewhere, in a distant world, I felt Kylo release my wrists, massaging them gently. His weight vanished off me, and then I was being carried but before I could feel my body being laid down onto the bed,

I was already lost in the dark.

 

 


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ohhhhhhhhh my goodness, it finally happened. The rating of this fic has been changed to EXPLICIT because this is what Reylo has driven me to oh my stars I'm so ashamed and yet not at all. I also added a few new tags, and probably will add more as I write. Oh goodness. Hell I'm coming for ya, voluntarily, no need to send the dogs. I know I'm trash.
> 
> Anyway! Hope you enjoy this chapter, will be updating next Sunday again! What do you think Rey will do with this information she's going to learn in this chapter...?

_Jesus_.

Kylo had done a good job. With a pounding head and a circling stomach, I stared at my mirror image in the bathroom. There was no beating around the bush, it was clear what my skin told, _screamed_ really. The bite mark that looked like it was on its way getting infected, the purple choker around my tan neck, the intense hickey that looked more like a burn mark, the clear imprints of fingers turning blue on my arms, the bruises around my breast beneath my shirt, and the most condemning evidence perhaps; the damage his belt had done to my wrists. Everything was sore, and everything throbbed. But possibly the most painful and sickening feeling stemmed from the fact, that had Kylo wanted to take advantage of my drunken state last night, I was more than willing to grant him it. I didn’t want him simply because I was drunk, and he was there, and I had been lonely for so long, no. That would have been much simpler. The ugly truth of the matter was that I wanted him because I _wanted_ him. Alcohol just lowered the walls, opened the gates and invited all the dark urges out to play.

The end of the night was . . . It was a little bit shrouded in darkness, not going to deny that, I couldn’t really recall all the details. But I know once I was on the verge of blacking out, he had stopped. He didn’t even remove my underwear. He didn’t really . . . _Do much._ He did, but he didn’t. It was all just, just very confusing and I, I felt like I should be thanking him? For not actually taking advantage of me entirely? Or giving me a black eye like I had assumed? But then, on the other hand, the whole reason I was in his bathroom looking like a victim was because of him in the first place. I shouldn’t forget that, not now, not ever. It was too easy to fall back into it, into us. It felt too natural and it kept fooling me. He’s dangerous because he’s tempting and I shouldn’t let it blind me.

I punched the marble counter. The whole thing was just frustrating. That’s all it was. But damn, note to self; do _not_ drink in the presence of Kylo. No matter what. Regret was oozing like a bad wound and I wish I could puke it up like I could the poison from my veins. I couldn’t though, it would stay. Make a home for itself in all the corners of my mind, linger on the edges of my consciousness, reminding me just out of spite every time I’d forget for a second. I grunted and started rummaging his medicine cabinet for antiseptic liquids. I found a bottle of rubbing alcohol and a preemptive shiver ran through me as I thought about how much it was going to sting. I took three short breaths of courage and went for it. I splashed the liquid into the bite and waited for the sting. After three seconds nothing happened and I was about to release a breath of relief when it hit.

“HOLYFUCKINGSHITBALLS!” I screamed out while gripping the counter. It felt like I had just thrown acid on my skin. _God damned it the bastard would pay for this._

I lifted my eyes from the white knuckles of my hands as Kylo walked into the bathroom, evidently surprised to see me. I had woken up before him, snuck in here wanting my own space desperately. To think clearly without his distracting presence, but here he was, letting his eyes travel on the marks he had made onto my skin. I tried to cover myself a bit by crossing my arms, shifting the weight on my feet. I was wearing a white t-shirt and my pajama pants but feeling safe with him was the same as being reckless.

“Pleased with your work?” I asked, voice soaked in venom.

“I am.” He said, brushing past me to turn the shower on. “Want to join? That bite mark looks like it’s getting infected, should clean it up.”

My mouth fell. “Kylo, what happened last night, I was drunk. It was a mistake, it doesn’t mean we’re at the point where we’re showe—“

“Yet, it wasn’t,” Kylo said and looked at me with intensity in his eyes I couldn’t fathom.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Who’s being a child now, scavenger?” He asked, and a sly smirk crept onto his full lips.

I threw my hands up. “Murderous snakes aren’t my thing, _Kylo_.”

He cocked an eyebrow as he retorted: “I, actually, think they’re _exactly_ your thing.”

“Wasn’t the whole point of last night just to do it for a show? So it would tell a different story to your . . .  colleague mobsters?”

“Sure,” Kylo took his shirt off and I turned my gaze away, “but we could’ve also done it without the pleasure part.”

“There was no pleasure.” I spat.

He just tilted his chin to that and started taking off his pants. Deep down The Drunk Rey recalled the heat his ministrations had created last night, the desperate clenching of the knees, but that voice was far away and will be denied until the existence of mankind. So, I stormed out of the bathroom and went to silently box with a pillow.

 

 

* * *

  


  
“Is Hux going to be there?” I asked with disgust.

A ‘yes’ was all I got. I stared out the window of passing streets, tracing the drops of rain connecting into tiny rivers on the outside of his darkened car window. _Brooklyn was pretty even when it cried._ I let out a sigh and cringed at my pounding head. God, I hadn’t been hangover in ages. If you don’t count Kylo drugging me as one. I pressed my hand on my stomach, hoping it would calm the swirling of it a bit, and waited anxiously for the meeting with Kylo’s goons to be over. Kylo had agreed to my demand to see Finn for lunch after, as to wave suspicions. That was an hour-long fight, fight against common sense (which is what I also told him.) But Kylo was clenching the steering wheel even tighter than usual and I couldn’t help but crease my brow in worry. What did he have to be so anxious about? All of this was his choice.

“You’re staring, Rey.” He stated, eyes intently on the road.

“And you’re worried,” I replied.

He clenched his jaw. “ _Capo di tutti capi, Snoke,_ will be there.”

“The what now?”

“Boss of all bosses, kingpin, Don, crime boss. _Capo_.”

“Why? I’m nobody.”

“He happened to be in the area, Hux has a big mouth and he got interested.”

“Because Hux said something?”

“Yes,” he clearly did not want to say the truth, and it came out through gritted teeth. “Because you’re a woman. And . . . I haven’t generally paid attention to them.”

My heart got excited, my mind told it to shut up. “You kidnapped me. Is that your way of showing attention, Kylo?”

“Well it’s the first time I’ve had a girl in the apartment.” He spat it out, meaning it to be a retort but realized as soon as it came out that instead, it was more of a confession. He drew his mouth back into the tight line it was and focused on the road. Silence.

“So, what. Are you like a _made man_? Like in the movies?”

He gave me a sharp look and I swallowed hard. This was the first time I outright asked him about his new mafia life. It was odd, and it was terrifying. I was looking at a face I knew yet the man who wore it seemed to be a stranger.

“I’m capo bastone,” he saw my questioning eyebrow lift and explained, “second in command.”

“Oh”, I had seen a few mafia movies to know what it meant. As I internalized it, another, profound and worried _oh_ slipped out from between my lips. Now he looked at me, questioning. “You’ll be next in line for the throne of the mafia. To become . . . _Don_.”

He didn’t look at me now, just nodded, shoulders tense.

“And Hux is what? Under you?”

“He is a consigliere. A right-hand man.”

“To you or to your boss?”

His eye twitched. Oh, he didn’t like the answer he was about to give.

“Both.”                                                                                                                                                                                                       

Rain tapped against the glass harder and I thought about the fact that I was sitting next to the damn prince of the most feared mafia on the east coast. He must’ve done terrible things to get where he is. Sell out his family, turn his back on them completely, sacrifice everything good left in him, give it all to the mafia, to the First Order. _Why?_ What had drove him into it? The question burned on my mind brighter than ever, and I would get my answers, in due time. I was nothing if not patient, and we both knew it. He was there, Ben had to be somewhere in there, he didn’t hurt me like he had all the power and opportunity to do last night.

I watched his black waves, letting my gaze wander onto his full lips drawn into a tense line, his masculine nose and freckles I once called cute and he had asked me not to. Sharp jaw and vast pale hands holding the steering wheel for life. Oh, it would be easy, too easy to stop fighting. It was distracting and dangerous, and I knew deep down that he most likely would kill me if he had to. The fact that he restrained himself last night proved nothing. If faced with a command, I’m sure he’d do it like the loyal _capo bastone_ he had said he was.

We arrived at some high-end restaurant called _Mustafar_ in Hell’s Kitchen (fitting, really) and Kylo handed his keys to the valet and we were walked in with black umbrellas above our heads.  The place was sleek black, and all the servers straightened their backs and hid their cellphones as soon as Kylo stepped in. They bowed and Sir-ed him to the heavens and I cringed devotedly in Kylo’s wake. He had worn more formal wear today, that already had tipped me off to begin with. Today was going to be no good, he was wearing a suit jacket, black shirt underneath and pleated black pants that clearly were tailor fit as they hugged his long and strong legs from all the right places—

_And I should stop_. I shook my head and Kylo turned to look at me. He quickly seized my arm and tugged me closer to him, whispering, “Do not talk unless talked to in there, understood?” He motioned toward the double doors that we were standing a few feet away from in the back of the restaurant. There were a few people eating, but I was guessing the income came mainly from the people behind the door. I nodded but it wasn’t enough for Kylo.

“Say it.” His hand circled tighter around my upper arm. I’d get a brand-new bruise under the old one, _great_. I tried to yank my hand off, but he just yanked it back, making me stumble too close for comfort. “If you do not do as you’re told, I won’t be as kind as I was last night.”

His eyes were black, and I didn’t doubt him. Kylo grazed the bite mark with his forefinger and I winced, it was hurting more than I’d care to admit. Maybe he was enjoying this, maybe he just enjoyed and craved power, over anything or who. And I never cared to be ruled, not then not now and maybe he reveled in the fact that for once, I had to do as told.

“I value life, unlike you. Of course I’ll behave.” I hissed between my teeth.

He observed me for a moment, his eyes switching from my lips to the bite mark. Then, he whispered and I felt his warm breath on my skin, “good girl.”

I scoffed again, and he took a hold of my face, squeezing my cheeks. “That’s exactly what I mean. No matter what I, or Hux, or anyone else says, you do not retort.” He lowered his lips next to my ear and I tried not to shiver but it came, bringing all the unwanted feelings to the party. “You should be very, _very_ scared of me, Rey. At least act like it.” He whispered.

And he did scare me. He scared me at times to the bone and I hadn’t stopped fearing him, even if other feelings sometimes took over, it was still there. Underlying, hiding in the subtext, in the unconscious. The image of him shooting another man would forever be seared in my mind. But I also knew better than to show my fear to the wolf in front of me. He let go of my face after a moment and I rubbed my cheeks in his wake.

“And most importantly,” he clenched his fists on his sides as he continued, “do not tell anyone that we’ve known each other before.” And then he pushed the doors open.

There was a mahogany round table in the middle of the spacious room and everyone turned around to see who had opened the doors. There was a blonde woman, Hux, and an old man with dead eyes deep in his head with terrible scarring on his right cheek. He had an air of authority around him and I presumed that he was the boss called Snoke. They all watched me now, observing, judging. The room was dimly light by a chandelier and the windows were covered with heavy, moss green drapery. There was a painting of a man above Snoke, dressed in all black and sitting in the same seat which Snoke now occupied. I guessed that must’ve been Kylo’s grandfather. He seemed to stare directly at me and I felt my hair stand up.

Hux’s face lit up by amusement as he clearly took in the marks on my body. I crossed my arms behind my back, to at least hide the wrists a bit. I had red and purple bracelets imprinted around them, and my t-shirt displayed the additional purple fingerprint bracelets above my elbows. But I couldn’t hide for long, Kylo shoved me toward the table, sat down next to Snoke, Hux on his other side and the blonde lady sat next to Hux. I was left standing and I played with the hem of my shirt behind my back. The boss looked at me and I got the sense that those eyes had been the last sight of many people. His eyes traveled on my body, assessing. Then finally back into my eyes and I just wanted to bolt out the door behind me.

“So, you’re the girl.” Snoke croaked. “Rey was it?”

“Yes,” I said, assertively. Better to establish now that I wasn’t some desperate addict looking to make money to get my next fix or whatever. If I had to, I could, and I _would_ defend myself.

Snoke chuckled. “Fiery one. Looks like that doesn’t work well with Kylo.” He motioned toward my neck with his hand.

“She tried to escape. But learned her lesson.” Kylo leaned and he had the darkest little smirk on his lips. “Didn’t you, Rey?”

I shivered. Best to just nod, my voice would reveal my distress. Kylo leaned back into his chair, Hux of course seemed to enjoy all of this. The blonde lady was expressionless.

“Very well”, Snoke said, crossing his fingers on the table.

“Lift your shirt, Rey,” Kylo said, nodding his chin toward me. My eyes widened, his lowered to glower at me under his brows. “Show your mark.”

I swallowed. Then lifted my shirt up from the left side, to reveal the now almost healed symbol of the First Order. Snoke nodded, Hux had a smug look and the blonde leaned on her elbows on the table.

“You may leave.” The don said, and the double doors opened as if magic behind me, and I stumbled out, unsure of what had just transpired.

The doors closed again, by some lower level gangsters with holsters. The last thing I saw was Kylo’s empty stare on me. I didn’t know what to do. I looked at the front doors. Open . . . _Tempting_. Freedom on the other side. Well, _not really_. I wouldn’t be free as long as I was indebted to Kylo, that much had become clear. I settled to sit down on the bar, order a beer – I was truthfully amazed they even had beer – and then rested my head on my hands, propped up on the bar table, waiting. A beer bottle was placed in front of me as I looked outside. The rained tapped the black awnings violently and I took a sip of the cool liquid. It felt calming down my throat, easing away a bit the nausea in my stomach. The bartender’s eyes on me, not so much.

“Aren’t you afraid of someone catching you looking at me?” I asked, leaning my cheek on my hand. The young man cast his gaze down, focusing on cleaning a wine glass with a rag. He was perhaps my age. With chestnut hair and a little bit of a beard with concerned cobalt eyes.

“Are you one of them?” He asked, curiosity flashing within the blue.

“I—“, _Was I?_ “I . . . don’t know.”

He looked up at me again, slightly furrowing his strong brow. _He’s handsome,_ I thought absentmindedly.

“You don’t know?”

“I suppose in a way I am. Reluctantly. Are you?”

He nodded.

“Why?” I asked.

He gave a shrug, looking around. “Safety. Family.”

I nodded. I could understand that I just wouldn’t ever be able to justify the murdering. I took another taste of the frosty beer. “What do you think about Kylo?”

He let out a tense laugh and ran his fingers through his waves. “Aren’t you Mr. Ren’s . . . girl, or something?”

I almost gave him a spit-take. I could positively taste the beer in my nostrils. “No. Definitely not.”

“Oh. I just, I’ve never seen him with anyone, I’m sorry I didn’t know I shouldn’t have made assumptions I—“

“It’s okay, it’s okay.” He probably thought I’d have his head for this. “Honestly, it’s alright. That was an easy assumption to make. But no, we’re not together like that. I just owe him.”

Now his eyes opened wide, more frightened on my behalf I think. “You owe the First Order?”

“Yes. It was a mistake.”

“And Mr. Ren is . . . Is that how you’re paying—I’m sorry, it’s none of my business.” He finished the wine glass and took another one to be cleaned.

I took a big sip. I couldn’t say the truth. I knew that what the bartender thought, was what Kylo wanted everyone to think. It had to be in order to save me from something worse, I was convinced. If they, Snoke and Hux, think I’m being handled, punished for my terrible crime, then they wouldn’t feel the need to meddle. Because in reality, he has given me new clothes, his bed, made sure I eat well and got me drunk when he had to give me the consequences of defying orders.

“Please, don’t tell Kylo.” The man pleaded. He clearly thought I had that kind of influence, or that I was equally as evil as the man he thought I was with. _Or enslaved to._

“Of course I won’t, don’t worry.” I flashed him a reassuring smile.

He looked at my wrists again, marked and wrapped around the beer bottle now. “And you’re— you’re sure you’re okay?”

“Yes. I can handle Kylo.” I chortled.

“I’d say you underestimate what you are to him then.” He looked at me with knowing in his sharp eyes and then cast his look back down, glimpsing to look around us.

I pointed my beer bottle at him. “Why do you think that?”

“Anyone who tries to _handle_ him, he kills.”

A shiver ran down my spine. I pressed my fingers on the bridge of my nose and closed my eyes. Maybe the reputation of being a cold-blooded killer was just that. A reputation. Not real. Because if it was all true, well then, I was fucked and all of it was just . . . just not great. The rain came down harder outside the restaurant and it was quiet enough to hear the wind now manhandling the awnings outside the windows. My nausea was back.

“You don’t approve?” He asked, arching a brow.

I huffed. “Can’t say I do. It might be just me but I think murder is wrong.”

“Do you think what the First Order does is wrong?”

I straightened my spine on the bar stool. I felt like suddenly I was treading on a dangerous ground, perhaps I was talking slightly too liberally with someone who is in the First Order themselves.

Clearly, he noted my discomfort as he threw his hands up to say, “hey, I won’t tell if you don’t. I’m just curious.”

I deliberated for a beat. “Fine,” I lowered my voice and leaned in to whisper, “yes. I do think it’s wrong and if I could make Kylo to stop I would. But alas, I cannot. That much has been proven to me.”

“What if someone could help you?” He looked at me with a conspiratorial look, like he knew something I didn’t, like he had the answers to my questions, like he knew how to that one secret itch.

I furrowed my brows in confusion. He poured some tonic water into a glass and slipped a card under it, placing it in front of me. I gaped down into the swirling text at the bottom of the crystal with my breath caught in my throat.

 

 

UNITED STATES DEPARTMENT OF JUSTICE   
**FEDERAL BUREAU OF INVESTIGATION**  
NEW YORK FIELD OFFICE  
  
**JUDE KLEIN**  
Special Agent

 

 

 

I was frozen. _Had I condemned myself?_ Had I just sentenced Kylo to prison? Was I going to be tortured and killed? I don’t know how or why that last one would happen, but scenes from all of the most violent cop shows started spinning in my head, just like the implicating text at the bottom of my drink.

“I can help you,” Jude whispered, eyes unwavering.

“How old are you?” Slipped from my tongue, straight from my thoughts. He couldn’t have been experienced enough to deal with this, I could see it from his eyes, he hadn’t seen enough life yet. He was tops two years older than me but I could tell, even I had experienced more than the man in front of me. Although, I don’t think anyone should experience what I had.

Jude blinked. “Twenty-seven.”

I was taken aback. He looked so much younger, but twenty-seven still seemed . . . too young to be infiltrating the vilest mafia on the east coast. Not that I knew anything about how the FBI worked, so, I suppose I wasn’t one to judge. He wrote something on a napkin, which he then immersed into the drink. It was a phone number, and the blue ink was leaving it in swirls.

“Memorize it. If you want help, call me.”

“I don’t . . . I—“ I’m not sure what I tried to say, my mind was empty and full at the same time. I didn’t want any part of this. On either side of this messed up underworld. I just wanted to get out alive and continue my life. But as the days went by, the possibility of that seemed to be getting thinner and thinner.

Jude gave me a slight smile. “You don’t have to decide anything, just memorize it and if you need help, call and I’ll come.”

So I memorized it, nodded, and he swirled the drink with a skinny straw so the rest of the lingering ink dissolved. The double doors opened then and Jude took the lifeline in a cup away from me and hid it, but not without letting his gaze linger on my wrists and the purple-blue marks that decorated them. I placed my hands on my lap.

Kylo stalked toward us and must’ve noticed Jude’s lingering look because he towered over me, snaked his hand in my hair and craned my neck so he could drown me in his kiss. The familiar electricity came alive but I felt guilty enough that I didn’t respond to the kiss. He wanted me to look like his reluctant whore, right? _So reluctant whores didn’t respond to kisses._

Kylo finally pulled away to wrap his arm around my waist possessively and drag me off the barstool. “Got something you should be doing, Vinny?”

Jude flinched as Kylo snarled at him, and apologized with a polite _Sir_ at the end. But now that I knew who he was, the scared new mafia runner-boy act he was doing; _I could see through it_. Jude’s eyes were sharp underneath it all, his gestures too thought out, the fear a convenient mask.

Kylo walked me out toward the rain and I felt Jude’s eyes boring into my back, with his number burning in my mind.

 


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, my lovelies!! I'm so sorry I didn't update yesterday, I was incapacitated by a profound hangover and I'm frankly surprised I woke up alive today. Is this what it feels like to be old? I don't like it. 
> 
> Anywho, without further ado, I hope you enjoy chapter 6!! Possessive Kylo making an appearance again... ;)

Lunch with Finn after the whole thing at Mustafar was like a breath of fresh air. Except that getting ready for it was painstakingly slow. I wore a shirt with longer sleeves so I could tug them over my knuckles, and a scarf to hide my neck (but I still needed to do some covering up with makeup, as the hickey was too high. _Bastard_.) And Kylo reminded me again why I shouldn’t try to flee.

“I will find you,“ Kylo had said while glowering at me behind his Ray-Ban’s, “there is no place where you can hide from me.”

I made snarky comments and told him that the bartender (FBI agent) at the restaurant had thought I was his hooker. Kylo laughed, which was weird to hear frankly, and said I’d make the worst prostitute. I huffed and made more snarky comments, until finally, he dropped me off in Midtown in front of Sarge’s Deli, with stern warnings and threats again. And how I had exactly one hour, to the second, and how he would be right here, waiting.

When I was about to open the car door he asked, “you never liked Finn like that, right? You were just trying to get me mad.”

I thought he seemed rather young at that moment, asking a sincere question about a girl liking another boy, eyes wide and expecting. He looked like Ben. So I decided to give him the truth he deserved in that moment.

“No. I was just teasing.”

A baby of a smile played on his lips, and he tried hard to hide it. “Good. Only ever me then.”

Then Finn had appeared around the corner and I hastily shut the door, Kylo driving behind a corner. I lied that it was Thor and that he had an important meeting from which he was running late. Finn accepted the lie, and I felt increasingly terrible about the increasing amount of lies I had forced down his throat. We talked about everything, he tried to ask me questions I couldn’t give answers to, so I deflected and turned the questions on him. After all, everyone loves talking about themselves. I explained to Finn that Thor had a realtor brother and he got me an amazing deal on an apartment and I had moved in there, and I promised him that he could come to see it as soon as it was tidier and I wanted to vomit on my fries at that point.

“So, do you miss Kylo at all?” Finn asked out of the blue. Right then, I almost really did vomit. Finn pushed his fries around his plate, deep in thought.

“What prompted that question?” I asked, genuinely flabbergasted. I shoved the turkey dinner in my mouth, it was excellent here and since Kylo had also stolen my wallet, he had given me thirty dollars in the car. I fully intended to use every cent of it.

 “Oh, nothing. I just figured that if you had, then Thor for sure would’ve helped. S’all.”

“Right. Um,” I didn’t have to lie about this part at least. I swallowed turkey down and continued, “it did feel almost suffocating to be back here at first, to be honest. It was like . . . his presence was everywhere and it was daunting. But yeah, it’s better now, definitely.” _It’s not like I had been sleeping in his bed for a week now._

“I thought that must’ve been hard for you. I heard some rumors he’s in some mafia nowadays.”

I stopped chewing for a moment. “Oh, really? That doesn’t sound like K—Ben.”

“Well, I always thought he had a bit of a dark vibe.”

I blinked. “You did?”

He waved his fork and said, “nothing major, just a little bit. But you guys were so in love I thought maybe your light and his darkness complemented each other.”

_And now all there was left was the dark._

“That’s a beautiful way to put it, Finn.”

A minute left until an hour was up and I made sure I was ready to leave by then. I did not need Kylo barging into the deli, Finn would probably die of a heart attack and all my carefully constructed lies would come apart in a second. We exchanged goodbyes and I had to make promises about a housewarming party that would never come.

 _Except that it did._ Four days later Finn was still texting me about it, and he had gotten Poe in on it too. But Poe had always been a little more observant, and I could tell he started growing suspicious. Yesterday he had called me out of the blue, well technically to Kylo because he still hadn’t given me my phone back, and as Poe’s voice echoed in Kylo’s living room from the speaker he was on, even Kylo could hear the growing doubt in his questions.

“Rey, did something happen? Are you in trouble?” Poe had asked and I could almost see how his brown eyes were wide in worry.

“No! No, nothing’s happened. What makes you think that?” I had tried to feign as much surprise and confusion in my voice as I could under Kylo’s steel of a stare.

“Well, it’s been almost two weeks now since the night at the club and we’ve seen you once.”

“Twice. I saw Finn last week at Sarge’s.”

“Okay, twice. Still, you get my point. I want to meet Thor.”

“Uhh . . . “ I gave a panicked glance to Kylo. He just lifted his brows in annoyance. “Sure. I was thinking about having the housewarming party this weekend.”

Kylo growled out loud and shook his head viciously.

“What was that? Do you have a dog there?” Poe asked.

“Oh, I’m uh, I’m at the gym, it had been a while,” I replied as I tried to motion Kylo so shut it.

“Well the party sounds great! I can’t wait to meet Thor.” Poe chimed.

Right . . . of course it was expected that Thor would be there. I would have to come up with something. “Yes, he will be there. Absolutely.”

“Great! When should I be there?”

“Uhh . . . Eight?”

“Sounds good, see ya on Saturday then!”

And that’s how I ended up having a housewarming party, even though I didn’t have an apartment. But Kylo had heard the phone call as well, and he muttered under his breath that this was why it was just more convenient not to have friends. To which I said, “that’s just sad.”

He gave me a warning look. I ignored it and asked, “so how are we going to do this?”

“Pretend this apartment is yours. I have work on Saturday anyway.” He grunted.

“Sure, just one problem,” I looked around theatrically, “this is a _little_ out of my price range.”

He huffed. “Just say someone was murdered here and they were forced to rent it below market value.”

“Oh, well that might work,” I said and then froze as a thought accorded to me. “Wait, have you ever . . . _you know,_ in here?”

Kylo looked at me with his jaw set.

“Seriously!?” I cried out. “Where?”

“Does it matter?” He asked coolly and walked past me into the kitchen.

I swallowed and wondered how many. But I honestly didn’t want to know so I didn’t ask. Maybe on the couch? Did he do it by choking the life out of his victim? Or maybe he shot them, right where I was standing. I took a step back and studied the pristine tiles. No dark spots within the taupe flooring. Although, now that I looked at it, it did look a little _too clean_.

“You’re not going to find blood stains from the floor, Rey,” Kylo said from the kitchen, startling me from my thoughts.

I turned around to face him. “I know. I was just . . . admiring your tiles.”

He narrowed his eyes.

“I don’t have any money to buy food or alcohol,” I said, wanting to change the subject. “Can I borrow your credit card?”

Kylo crossed his arms and snorted. “You think I’m going to let you go to the store alone? Forget it. I’ll send Vinny.”

 _Vinny the FBI agent._ “Or we can just go,” I suggested. I felt, well, I don’t know how I felt about Jude, to be honest. I just know I felt uncomfortable Kylo using him when I knew Jude was reporting everything back to the feds. And at every mention of him, I couldn’t help the heavy burning of guilt in my chest. I had sort of decided not to tell Kylo about Jude. Mainly because I knew he would kill him and, and maybe it was selfish, but I couldn’t have that on my conscience.

“No, that’s what green-nosed kids like Vinny are for. He’ll go.” He said tilting his chin.

I mumbled a _fine_. The more I pressed on it the more I would draw suspicion on the matter. Even if I didn’t want to help Jude, and even if he was going to be the one to walk Kylo to jail, I still wished him no harm. Kylo was a bad man after all.

“No guys.” Kylo stated and turned his back to me to go to the fridge.

“Huh?”

“At the party.” He grunted while taking inventory of the contents of his fridge and texting.

“Well that’s just not possible.” I scoffed. _Ludicrous_. Of course there was going to be guys! Finn and Poe, and they would bring friends, and Rose and her sister Page would probably bring friends, both guys and girls I’m sure. They were my old high school friends too, I hadn’t seen them since I started working for Kylo all those years ago. Kylo had kept me so busy that I didn’t really see anyone other than him, his mother and Han.

“Then I’ll be here.” He said and slammed the door shut, directing his sharp eyes to me. I spread my arms in frustration.

“You _know_ you can’t be here!”

“I can blend in.”

A laugh escaped. “You are probably the most un-blendable man in New York, Kylo.”

He took a step closer. “And why is that?”

“Well, for starters everyone from my high school knows you’re in the mafia, and also, you are quite tall.” _And handsome_. Some might say. But definitely not me.

A smirk tugged at the corner of his lip. “Perhaps you have a point, scavenger.”

He closed in on me, forcing me to back up until I thumped against the cold surface of the marble island. Kylo caged me in, resting his hands on both sides of me and I had to crane my neck uncomfortably in order to narrow my eyes up at him. I pushed at his arms. He just observed me, eyes jade in the daylight slipping in through the windows. He liked them closed with the blackout curtains but I kept reopening them, and a few days ago he had stopped shutting them. A discreet victory for me.

“What are you doing?” I asked, trying to search a clue of his emotions from his pale face but found none.

His right hand rose to stroke the length of my throat and my stomach clenched in a way I wish it didn’t. He leaned down and let his nose graze the skin of my cheek as he whispered, “There are security cameras everywhere in this apartment. If you try anything,” his hand twitched on my throat, “I’ll know.”

I leaned my face closer, as a challenge, whispering into his ear. “And what exactly do you think I would try?”

“Escape.” He brushed a runaway strand behind my ear and cupped my face in his hardened hands. “Try to tell someone that a murderous snake has you as his prisoner.” His thumb grazed my bottom lip. “And should you try any of the above,” his thumb dipped to stroke the inside of my lip, “after I deliver your penance, Hux might just think I’m worse than him.”

I went to slap his hands away but he caught my wrist and maneuvered it painfully behind my back. I shrieked and he used my arm to turn me around forcefully so that the countertop was now digging into my stomach. I hit my other arm against the cool surface of the marble for support. He had me completely immobile in exactly two seconds, the thought of his power sent shivers. I suppose I should be surprised he hasn’t abused it more.

“Do it, Rey. Disobey.” He dared me, and to my horror, I recognized the expectancy in his voice.

 “This isn’t you!“ I cried out, refusing to believe the words that sliced through the little hope I now realized I had still harbored.

“Yes, it is. And don’t forget, you’re still indebted to me,” I felt his lips pressing into the shirt on my upper back, “so you will do as you’re told, _scavenger_.”

I screamed furious insults at him and then the door opened. I turned my head toward the door and saw Jude carrying plastic bags. He halted once his eyes landed on mine, unsure what to do.

I was panting hard, _unsure what to do._

“S-Sorry, you gave me the key and I—“ Jude stammered, stunned.

“Come in.” Kylo interrupted as if he didn’t have me manhandled under him on the kitchen table. I wriggled and he placed his vast hand in between my shoulder blades, pushing my chest flat against the cold surface. I grimaced. When he had me like this, his hips were digging into my . . . behind at an angle that made me think of inappropriate things. And he pressed himself harder against me as Jude’s eyes traveled on mine. “You can leave the bags there.”

“Leth meh goh!” I barked, cheek smashed against marble. Panicked more about how his hips felt against me than his control over me in front of Jude. I felt him push me forward the counter and I let out a small shriek and it wasn’t entirely because of the hard edges of the counter grinding against my hipbones.

Kylo tightened his grip on my hand behind my back, and I felt his hot breath as he leaned in to ask, “do you understand, Rey?”

Jude’s eyes were locked in mine, drowning in palpable worry. _It’s not what you think_ , I wanted to say. But I knew this just confirmed to Jude exactly how I was paying my debt off.

“Burninhellyoufuck!” I roared, but I had to admit that the fact that he was pressing my cheek against the island, made the insult sound muffled and weak.

“I don’t mind doing this all day, Rey.” He breathed against my back as he pressed his mouth back against it. I felt his teeth nipping the skin through the thin fabric of my shirt as he said, “in fact, please, keep up your futile resistance.”

And I could swear I felt him smile a sinister grin.

“Fineh, yesh!” I shout-mumbled.

“You disappoint me, _scavenger_.” He chuckled darkly.

“We have company, _monster_.”

Kylo released me. I straightened myself swiftly and righted my clothing, avoiding Jude’s eyes. Somehow I felt guilty.

“I’ll help you with those,” I said and took a step to go pick up the groceries, but Kylo stopped me by my arm.

“No, it’s his job.”

“Well I, too, work for you, don’t I?” I sneered. I just wanted Jude out of the apartment. _Stat_.

I could tell he was pleased with that statement. “Fair enough.”

I twisted my arm from his hold and walked over to Jude to pick up a few bags off the floor. I kept looking at my legs, I didn’t dare to face his pity. Kylo sat down on the couch in the living room and started typing away on his laptop.

“It’s not what you think,” I whispered to Jude as we set the bags on the counter.

“What is it then?” Jude asked. His blue eyes were bright and too observant for his own good.

Silence. I don’t know. I suppose . . . I suppose in a way it was exactly how it looked. I gave an angry glare at Kylo’s focused face and absently thought that his good looks were wasted on that demon. I used to think he deserved to look as beautiful as he did, looking up at him in the dim of his bedroom, moon playing with his soft shadows and inviting lips. His touch filled every aching corner with warmth within me and I was addicted.

Now he was all ragged edges and sharp bones and cold eyes.

“I know you’re not just his whore, Rey.” He whispered. My name from his lips startled me.

I placed a salsa jar onto the counter from the bag. “What do you mean?”

He glanced at the side of my upper body and tilted his chin. “He got you marked.” I was about to ask when he continued, “Your shirt lifted when Kylo . . . pushed you down on the counter.”

“Oh.”

“It means you’re in for good. People kill and torture to get that tattoo, and it has to be allowed by either Kylo or the don.” 

My mouth was suddenly dry. “What do you mean? You don’t have one?”

Jude gave a small shook of his head and took the jar, placing it in the fridge. “We only know six other people in the whole organization that have one.”

 _We_. As in the FBI. Guilt woke up from its slumber again. “Who are the six?”

Jude looked over his shoulder to make sure Kylo was still working. I looked too. He had rested his feet up on the sofa table now, still typing.

“This is dangerous.” He whispered and glimpsed at Kylo again.

“All of it is. Tell me.”

After a moment of reluctance, he continued, “well, Snoke of course. Then Kylo, Hux, Phasma and two other enforcers that have been loyal to the cause for years.”

“The cause?”

Jude studied me, a troubled wrinkle appearing between his brows. “You really don’t know much.”

I placed the alcohol bottles on the counter next to the fridge. “Kylo keeps me in the dark.”

“If—,” he started but thought better of it then. “Sorry, nothing.”

“No,” I pleaded as I placed carrots in the bottom drawer of the fridge, “tell me.”

“Well, if he keeps you in the dark, it sounds like he cares about you.”

The carrots in my hand froze. “What do you mean?”

“If you were just a plaything, like one of Hux’s, he wouldn’t bother to keep you out of the loop. But the most damning evidence is the tattoo on your skin.” He said, and pity flooded his eyes. “It’s . . . I think he doesn’t intend to let you go, Rey.”

A weak fugitive of a shriek came out. But a flicker of doubt rose, and I couldn’t help but question Jude’s motives. “How do I know you’re not just telling me this get me to turn on Kylo?”

“Ask him.” He said, challengingly. “He has no reason not to tell you how many others bear the mark of the First Order. Ask him.”

I placed the carrots finally in the drawer, closing it. I will ask Kylo about it, later. It’s not like I hadn’t been thinking about it too I just, I don’t know. I suppose I didn’t want to know. I didn’t like the tattoo in the first place, but now that I had learned it also carried another meaning, that not everyone had it, I could feel the mark’s edges burning on my skin, inducing anxiety to crawl beneath my flesh. I wanted it gone now more than ever.

“Why haven’t you called me?” He asked then, looking at me so intensely I felt like I could shrink before him. I glanced at Kylo who was now giving the stink eye to something on his laptop screen. Because even after everything, _I can’t stop caring about him either._ Whatever Kylo was feeling toward me according to Jude, was wholly reciprocated by me, because of things he could never understand, and it wasn’t so easily killed. And it hasn’t been for a lack of trying.

I jumped to feign focus on the groceries when Kylo closed the lid of his laptop and stood up, walking toward us.

“Alright, Vinny that’s enough. You can go.” Kylo barked. Jude nodded and headed for the front door. He gave me one last look before he disappeared, and I thought he must think I had developed Stockholm syndrome. To him, I’m sure my choices looked groundless.

Kylo crossed his hands in front of his chest, eyeing the door and then turning to me. His were narrowed in scrutiny and I wished I didn’t have such a strong instinct to go hide behind something. Instead, I started gathering the empty plastic bags from the counter. _Did he know?_ Did he hear us somehow and pretended not to? Did I just get Jude _killed?_

I swallowed a sudden lump.

“I wonder what should I do to Vinny?” Kylo finally said, with a wicked look on his face. Terror draped around my heart _. He knows._

But playing it dumb and denying everything has gotten me out of trouble before, so I went with that. “What do you mean?” I leaned down to put the bags in one of the drawers, and when I straightened myself, Kylo was standing directly across from me on the other side of the island. His body language seemed relaxed but I could tell it was a ruse, his mouth was too tight and eyes too severe.

“Don’t play that game with me, Rey. It’s evident.” He leaned in and studied my face intently. Right eye twitching. _Oh no._

“Well, same to you! What are you talking about?”

“Vinny. He likes you. And,” he took my face roughly in his hand, “you seem to like him _back_.”

I leaned in closer, allowing him to have me fully in his control if he wanted. A sign of genuineness I thought. It was the truth in any case, the looks Jude was giving me were not because he was attracted to me, they were looks of pity for a girl who could be saved if she would just take the reached out hand of her savior.

“You’re wrong.”

“Am I?”

“Yes.”

He kept searching my face for something. I kept still, staring at him back without blinking. He let go of my face then. Kylo crumpled his nose. “Vinny is good at sticking his nose to where it doesn’t belong.”

 _Because it’s his job._ I almost asked about the tattoo. But since he was already suspicious of Jude, I didn’t want him to think I was asking about it because Jude said something. Later. I kept my eyes fixed on Kylo as he walked around the island to the same side as I was in, but instead of manhandling me he went for the liquor bottles that I had placed on the counter. He opened one and poured a glass, drowning it all in one big sig.

“Regretting about kidnapping your ex?”

He snorted. “Hardly.”

“You’re stressed about the job you have on Saturday,” I stated and I knew I was right by the sudden tension taking ahold of his shoulders. His back was turned to me but I could sense his mouth being drawn into a tight line.

“Look at you caring about me like I was still your Ben.” He snarled and I felt like I had just been slapped in the face. But I would seize this moment of vulnerability which he tried to hide by hurling insults. I would make him crack as a payback.

“You are still Ben. It is your given Christian name.” I said softly.

Kylo turned around and it took all the power in me not to stumble back, as he revealed his face alight with fury. “Ben was weak and foolish so I killed him. And we both know I’m no _Christian_.”

“Fine, that may be but the fact is I’m still alive and unharmed.”

Kylo reached his hand toward me and I flinched but remained still. His forefinger slid forcefully across the bite he had made and I winced from the pain. It was healing but the skin was still sore underneath the scab.

“You may be alive but I’d hardly say you’re unharmed.”

“Why did you have me tattooed?” It came out and I couldn’t stop it nor did I want to. He didn’t want to whore me out, he didn’t hand me over to Hux, he hadn’t taken advantage of my drunken state, even if I might have been willing in another universe. He couldn’t have been as rotten to the core as he wanted me to think. He just couldn’t.

He bit his jaw, black eyes flicking around my face. Thinking. “I told you, it’s so that you can work for us.”

“No, that’s not it. Alex is working for the mafia too but he doesn’t have one.”

“He’s just commissioned by us.”

“Well even if that’s the case,” I was starting to tread in a dangerous territory but I needed answers and god damn it if I wasn’t going to get them. “Vinny should definitely then have one.”

His knuckles whitened at his sides. “You won’t speak with him again. That’s an order.” I opened my mouth to debate the ridiculous command but he lifted his finger and snarled, “I said that’s an _order_. A relatively painless one compared to other orders I could give.”

 

And I thought _, that’s exactly what makes you Ben._

 


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone, thank you for still being on board <3 I'm traveling in Europe at the moment and due to my laptop's charger deciding not to work all of a sudden, this update is a day late. I had to go buy a new charger, UGH. 
> 
> Thank you for waiting and I hope you like this chapter!! Our Kylo is being... well, very Kylo again in this chapter.

“Sorry, Thor is working a bit late. He’ll be here in just a couple of hours though!” I yelled to Finn over the music as I hugged him hi.

Finn looked up and around Kylo’s apartment and whistled. “How much is the rent? Like four thousand a month?”

I gritted my teeth in advance of all the lies I’d had to tell tonight. “Well, between me and you someone was violently murdered here and apparently people are still superstitious so . . . I’m actually paying less than half of market value.” _Starting now._

Finn’s eyes flew open. “What! Rey, you can’t live here!”

I laughed, and for once it was genuine and I cherished it. “It’s not haunted, Finn.”

Finn made a face and headed into the living room where the party was in full gear. I didn’t know that many people and yet there were about thirty partiers present. Rose and her sister Page where dancing and sharing one of Kylo’s expensive whiskey bottles – because screw him – and they both had brought friends. Finn had invited people over as well, and they had invited some. Poe was the only one who showed up with only three other people. But I honestly didn’t mind, it was Kylo’s apartment. They could trash for all I cared.

I hadn’t gotten anything formal from the store visit with Kylo, so I wore the same red dress I had worn the night Kylo had decided to be an asshole. But it showed half of my tattoo from the side, so I was forced to pull one of the sweaters I had gotten over it. It kind of worked, to be honest, and it had a turtleneck so it hid the bite mark and the lilac choker Kylo had so graciously given to me around my neck and wrists. The now almost faded out hickey I had managed to cover up with makeup.

Other than that I didn’t bother with makeup or doing my hair. I wanted to be Rey tonight and even if this was just a ruse to keep the police at bay, I was happy to see everyone. My friends were my family and I was glad to have them over. Even if they brought plenty of plus-ones with them, if something got broken I wasn’t going to pay for it. And Kylo wasn’t here, and I don’t think he was going to have his eyes glued to his phone which showed the live security camera footage.

He had left an hour ago to his mysterious job, and I honestly had no interest in knowing what it was. Especially when I saw him take the gun from his nightstand and another one from his closet, and put them into his holsters by the sides of his torso. Draped in all black he looked like the mafia boss he was and I thought maybe I really should feel more scared. But I had seen too much of him, known too much, before he had walked into the darkness and I just couldn’t look at him without projecting who he used to be into the current canvas. It was treacherous, especially when I watched him sleep, looking so peaceful and young because the truth was I was fooling myself. And when he checked the magazines in his guns I forced myself to shut off the projector.

 _He was a murderer and that’s it._ And the murderer had walked out of the door, reminding me of his orders again, and shut the door after him.

“Since when did you get into black furniture?” Rose asked me when I joined the dance party in the living room between the vast black couches.

“Oh,” I waved my hand through the air dismissively, “someone got brutally murdered here so no one wanted to buy the furniture, they just rented them with this apartment.”

“Wow, you got so lucky! And this is a crazy good area too, I _love_ Williamsburg.” _There are two kinds of people._

I danced and I drank, but within my limits since I couldn’t afford to lose control around Kylo, and we ate the food Kylo had ordered Vinny to get and I lied, a lot, but also got to recap my San Francisco years and I realized how much I had missed Rose and Page and Finn and Poe and I was just happy to have them all together. Even if the roof over them was Kylo’s, at this moment, I could almost forget all about the tattoo on my side and the bite on my neck and . . . _just all of it._

And then I thought I heard something through the music in the bedroom. I looked at his art deco clock above the bar, it had only been three hours since Kylo left. We had agreed I would get five hours. I excused myself, grabbed a knife from the kitchen – he really should’ve hidden those – and I opened the bedroom door.

Kylo’s face was backlit by the moon from the open window behind him and his face was bloodied. I dropped the knife and let it clatter to the floor. Kylo put the cigarette in his blood-covered mouth and closed the bedroom door for me. He then stalked over to the drawer, which I now saw was half rummaged through, with black clothes scattered on the floor. Smoke dangling from his mouth, he placed his gun on top of the drawer and his bloodied hand left a dark stain on it.

Somehow, the only question in my head was, “you smoke?”

He didn’t lift his gaze to meet mine. “Sometimes.”

“That’s not your blood is it.”

“No.”

“Who did you murder?”

“Someone who had it coming.”

“So you’re the grim reaper now too?”

Kylo did face me then. He took a long drag of his cigarette, it’s head aglow like a one-eyed monster. “I’m many things, Rey.” And the wicked grin made his teeth glint in the moonlight and the bass outside the door was nothing compared to my heart as I thought he looked so inhumane in the dark of his bedroom at this very moment. “I have to crash your party.”

“What? Absolutely not. Why?”

“I need something from the bar table. I forgot I moved it there.”

“I’ll get it.”

“No. it’s ricin.”

I froze. “You’re going to fake someone’s death?”

“No, ricin is easily detectable in the post-mortem toxicology report,” he said flatly and took the gun from the drawer to place it into his holster. “I just need something deadly that doesn’t make a loud noise.”

 I swallowed down a lump. “I’ll go get it.”

“No. You know I’m going to use it to murder someone. You value that over the opinions of your friends and will flush it down.”

 _Damn it he knew me too well._ “Well, can’t you send someone else to get it?”

He shook his head with growing irritation on his bloodied face. “There’s no time, now get back out there and open the door for me when I ring it.”

I didn’t move.

“That is an _order_ , Rey.” He snarled and I couldn’t help the stammer of my hear. With the blood and the smoking cigarette staring at me with an angry red glow, he frightened me to the core and there were no projections in this moment, in the dark of his bedroom as he was covered in the person’s blood he had just murdered.

“Fine. Just tell me this _,” I at least deserved to know who I was helping to murder,_ “what cause are you doing all this for?”

Another drag. “We will bring a new order to the underworld. A steady hand that guides it.”

“You . . . you want to be the rulers of all of New York City’s criminals?”

“No,” he said coolly, “the entire East Coast’s.”

I took a shaky breath. He wanted to be the leader of all the cruelty on this coast. And the man in front of me looked like he was on his way there, _unquestionably_.

“You’re a psychopath,” I said but there was no malice in my voice. It was the truth around which I had skirted around and now it was palpable in the bloodied monster in front of me.

“So better get to it then.” He said and leaned against the drawer, waiting.

I left the bedroom and slammed the door shut, the music covered it anyway. Eleven minutes later the display next to the massive piece of wood of a door light up and I dreaded every step I had to take to open it. After I’d press ‘open’ on the touchscreen, it would be all over. How could I explain his surprise appearance? Especially since everyone seemed to know the profession he had taken for himself.

I stared at Kylo’s cleaned up face from the display, as he stood by the front entrance. He stared at the security camera serious as death itself and I really didn’t want to invite the death in. Even if I was in its apartment. But I pressed the green circle on the display nonetheless, knowing he’d just force his way in if I didn’t do it, and went to take a vodka shot.

Less than a minute later the wooden door of the apartment opened and Kylo stepped in, free of blood and with a new black shirt. I gulped and gripped the Grey Goose vodka bottle in my hands for safety. I took another sip of courage straight from the bottle as I saw Finn’s eyes widen and then tugging at Poe’s jacket. Kylo stood by the door for a moment, pretending to look around as if this wasn’t his apartment. He then made his way toward the bar, sticking to the shadows but he was taller than everyone else and his pale face almost glowed in the dimmed lights of the room.

It didn’t take Finn long to stop Kylo, stepping in front of him with his chest out, ready for a fight. I ran over to them, stepping in between the two men who glared at each other with murderous intent.

“Ben! What are you doing here!” I shrieked, trying to sound surprised instead of terrified.

Finn knew him as Ben. I would too had he not kidnapped me. So that’s what I would call him, and I loved the quick tick of a muscle underneath his right eye as I said it. But then his face contorted into a wide smile which I hadn’t seen in four years and his arms encased me in a hug and I lost all of my coherent thoughts.

“You will pay for that later.” He fumed in my ear and I stiffened in his hold. As he let go of me the happy mask of his was in place again and his voice sounded like a different person as he said, “I heard you were back in the city! I just wanted to welcome you back.”

“You’re not welcome here,” Finn growled from behind me but all that was in my head was that he was Ben. At this moment, with that carefree voice and that smile that made the corners of his eyes crinkle in a way I had always loved, which I had kissed more than a thousand times, he was Ben and I was lost.

“Oh, I think that’s up to Rey. It’s her apartment, isn’t it?” Kylo said and shattered my delusion. Kylo’s edginess was back and I could see through his act. Maybe Finn didn’t, but I saw the wolf in sheep’s clothing, plain as day. And the wolf’s blood-hungry eyes were boring into mine and I knew it was not an option to decline.

I gritted my teeth. “Sure, welcome.”

Kylo nodded and I saw the undertone of smugness visiting his lips. He walked past Finn and I, toward the bar to retrieve someone’s death.

“This is not a good idea, Rey,” Finn said with a warning and as I looked around, I saw the glances everyone stole of Kylo. Of the mafia boss, of the killer and murderer, as he poured himself a whiskey and his other hand disappeared into the cabinet of the bar table.

“I know. But I don’t want to make a scene, he’ll leave soon.”

“Are you sure about that?”

“Yes. I’ll make sure of it.” I hissed, angrier at Kylo than at Finn.

“I hope so, he’s making people uncomfortable.”

I sighed. Yes, it was evident. Some were rigid from fear and some were eager with curiosity. Rose and Page gave me looks and I shrugged my shoulders. Poe stared at Kylo’s black back as I did Hux’s.

Kylo got what he came for, I saw his hand clutching something which he then placed into his pocket. He poured another whiskey for himself and leaned against the wall, observing the room. I went to cut more carrots for the hummus. I couldn’t force him out yet, so the devil could lurk in the shadows while I cut the damn carrots.

“Hey!” Someone exclaimed from my side, and I turned to see a man about my age, with such a familiar face I felt ashamed no name came on my tongue. He had sandy hair and dark blue eyes with a jock-vibe and I had the distinct feeling of not particularly liking him.

“Do you remember me?” the guy asked. “I sat behind you in algebra!”

“Oh!” I said as I remembered, “Chris, right?”

“Yeah! How have you been man?” He asked and shifted his weight on his other leg, beer bottle in hand. He clearly intended to talk to me for a while and I could feel Kylo’s glare on us from the shadows. Truth be told, even without the murderer on my back, I wouldn’t have liked to talk to him. He was annoying in high school and he was annoying now. I also remember him slamming my books to the ground more than a couple times.

“I went to the west coast to study finance. Got my bachelor’s a few weeks ago.” I felt like I should ask a reciprocating question but that would lengthen the conversation and I didn’t want to put Chris’ life in danger. Even if I didn’t like him.

“That’s awesome man, so what are you gonna do now?”

I never answered his question, Kylo appeared next to me and with eyes screaming murder he growled, “beat it, kid.”

Chris wanted to say something but thought better of it and walked away.

“My apartment, my rules.” Kylo declared again and seemed happy with himself.

“So, what? You’re just going to scare off every single guy who talks to me tonight?”

“Yes.” He said without blinking and wandered then off.

I capped my anger for later and went to chop the damn carrots – food is the most important part of any party after all –, and I saw Kylo from the corner of my eye to go into his bedroom. But everyone here thought it was _my_ bedroom, so I hoped no one took notice of it. Chris materialized back next to me a second later. He made casual small talk but he was so close that his elbow kept grazing my arms; his intentions were clear enough.

“So, your ex is a mafia boss. That’s not intimidating.” Chris said and laughed.

“How do you know he’s my ex?” I asked, chopping perhaps with a little bit too much of vigor.

“Oh, please,” he said and looked at me like I was thick, “he told me to ‘beat it’ and has been tracking you since he walked in.”

“Well, aren’t you being mighty brave then, talking to me despite a mafia boss telling you to ‘beat it’.”

He opened his mouth to answer but 6 feet and 3 inches of fury clothed in black was towering over both of us again.

“I thought I told you to fuck off, _kid_.” Kylo seethed.

Chris’ Adam’s apple bobbed visibly. “I—I was just—“

“Go be a pest somewhere else or I’ll make sure you won’t have your tongue tomorrow.” Kylo sneered and my god the man knew how to frighten people. Chris stumbled on his own two feet as he tried to get away from us as fast as possible. He was out the door exactly four seconds later.

“Did you really have to do that?” I asked and sighed.

Kylo grabbed the knife from my hand, and laid it out between us, blade pointing to me.

“Don’t forget that this is just an illusion to ward off the cops. I still owe you, and you are still obligated to do as you’re told.” He said coolly.

He slid his hand from the knife to graze my arm, stroking the inside of it. _Choosing_ to be gentle. “They might think I’m just an ex, but the reality is that you’ve slept in my bed for over a week now,” Kylo whispered with an edge in his voice. He moved his hand to graze the side of my breast with his thumb as he continued, “your toothbrush is in my bathroom. Your underwear in my drawers,” he pressed his hand on my tattoo and I hissed. “You carry my mafia’s mark,” he leaned in even closer, so his hot breath prickled on my cheek as he whispered in my ear, “you’re _entirely_ mine, scavenger. Don’t forget that.”

“How could I? You’ve invaded my life.” I whispered back, voice wavering from the truthness of it. He was everywhere, lurking in the shadows, watching my every move. I had known it before, the hunch had always been present, but hearing someone else say it, it made it all the more true. _He wasn’t going to let me go. Ever._

His thumb made half-moons right below my nipple and I shuddered. Perhaps because of the familiarity of it, perhaps because of the underlying threat of it, but I did and he caught it and a sinister smile twisted his features ever so slightly.

“Is there a problem here?” Poe’s voice asked behind us unexpectedly. Kylo and I kept up our war of silent staring. Fortunately, Poe was standing behind us so he could see what Kylo’s hand was doing. Where it was. I pleaded with him as much as I cussed him and hoped it would all show as fury in my eyes.

“He was just leaving,” I said, narrowing my eyes. He got the ricin, he had no reason to be here anymore.

Kylo kept it up for a moment longer nevertheless, I tilted my chin. He curled his fingers on my breast into a claw and made sure to scratch the skin as his hand dropped down. I tried my best to stay still, not to alert Poe and Kylo knew it and took advantage of it.

He faced Poe and nodded stiffly. “Poe.”

“Ben,” Poe replied. I could see the tick Kylo tried to hide, I don’t think he was used to hearing his real name anymore. Fortunately, Kylo just stepped past Poe and disappeared out the front door, but not without giving me a warning glance and not without the throbbing marks he had left on my breast.

 

 _Bastard_.

 


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi!! Amazon apparently doesn't know how to deliver things to my apartment anymore..... Had to re-order it and pick up the laptop charger from some random post office. AnYWaY, chapter 8 is here!!! Chapter 9 should be up as scheduled this Sunday!!
> 
> Thank you so much for waiting <3

Kylo and I were eating from a restaurant of my choosing, delivered via Postmates. I told him that Finn had heard he’s in a mafia and he grunted ‘good, the kid will know to watch his back’. I rolled my eyes to which he scowled. Luckily everyone at the housewarming party had written off Kylo’s surprise entrance by being a crazy-ex. He apparently _‘had that vibe’_ , so I went with it.

“What did you and Vinny talk about?” Kylo asked after a moment of silence. He sat above me on his black couch and I was comfortably on the floor.

“Why did you come back with someone’s blood?” I retorted.

“I asked first. Answer.” He grumbled.

I swallowed the bite of burger down slower than necessary. I decided to play dumb again. “Vinny?”

“The bartender. At Mustafar the other day.” Kylo had a nonchalant voice, but I could hear the slight sharpness in his voice which he tried to hide. _Did he know?_ Did he have a gun behind his back this very moment? His right hand was behind his back, it looked like he was scratching an itch but he might as well have been clutching a gun, ready to fire if my answer gave me away. Would he do it? The steel in his eyes at this moment told me he would. I swallowed again. In a TV show once a character tried to teach the other one how to lie convincingly, and it went something like _the most convincing lies are the ones closest to the truth._

“He thought I was your ‘girl’.” I started. “I said I wasn’t, then he made the assumption that I was your whore and I didn’t correct him. I think he felt sorry for me, I saw him eyeing my uncovered wrists.”

Kylo pulled his arm behind his back and I couldn’t help but flinch. To my relief, he had a piece of paper in his hand instead of a gun.

“Vinny has always been too soft.” Kylo murmured.

“Why do you have him on then?”

Kylo swatted the air. “He’s good at recruiting foot soldiers because he makes people feel like he sympathizes.”

“And he doesn’t?”

He smirked. “Everyone’s got their dark side, Rey.”

 _What have they made Jude do?_ I couldn’t help but feel a little sorry for him now. He must’ve had to do awful things to prove his loyalty. But then again, he got into this willingly – I did not.

“Except me,” I said, looking at my half-eaten burger. “I don’t have a dark side that tells me murder is okay.”

Kylo’s fingers suddenly appeared on my jaw, stroking it slowly. “People have different kinds of darkness,” his forefinger dipped to circle the bite, “I think yours is that you enjoy this a little.”

I slapped his hand away. “Are you thick? Of course I don’t enjoy being bitten!”

He dipped his jaw to look at me under his brows, and a dark little smirk tugged at the corner of his mouth. “Whatever you say, scavenger.”

I took a big bite of the burger to suffocate my scream. I wanted to scream because Kylo was insufferable and because even though I had been drunk, I knew what I felt at the bottom of my stomach when his teeth connected with my skin, when his belt encircled my wrists and when his lips left bruises on my neck. But that didn’t mean I wouldn’t deny it until the end of times.

He dropped the paper from his hand next to my burger. “Your next job.”

I sighed. I really didn’t want to unfold the paper. But I knew I had to so, might as well get on with it. As I unfolded it I asked, “how many jobs until I’m done? I did have plans for my future you know.”

Kylo clenched his jaw and if I didn’t know better, I might’ve thought my words hurt him. “This is a big one, only a few after this.”

I sighed again and looked at the name written on it.

 

 

_**Dominic Ortega** _

 

  
“Am I supposed to know who this is?” I asked, looking up at him. He shook his head, black waves moving around him like the ocean’s waves at night.

“No,” Kylo said and slid off the couch to sit on the floor, inches away from me, his long legs spread on either side of me. He bore his dark eyes into mine and I could’ve sworn I saw a twinkle of worry pass by in them. “I’ll need your darkness for this Rey. Just a dash, I won’t say this is an easy job”

I gulped. “I said I wasn’t going to murder anyone, Kylo. I meant it, okay? I couldn’t live with myself. I’d rather die.”

He shook his head again. “You won’t have to kill anyone. But I am going to need you to play the part of a prostitute, lure Domi—“

“What!?” I cut Kylo off and shot up straight, waving my finger in front of his face. “You want me to fuck someone else!?” As the words left my mouth and as I saw Kylo’s expression change, I realized I had made a poor choice of words. “Wipe that expression of your face, Kylo. I don’t give a rat’s ass that so far, _so far_ , it just happens that you’re the only one I’ve been with, that’s not how I meant it. I mean that I won’t fuck _anyone_ if I don’t want to!”

Now Kylo stood up and crowded over me, looking down on me while clenching his fists on his sides. “Well I care, Rey. So no, you won’t be _fucking_ anyone, that’s out of the question. I wouldn’t ruin you like that.”

I threw my hands up. “Oh, because you haven’t already ruined me? You could’ve just let me go! Could’ve lied, covered for me, push me to run, hide me behind a corner, but no! You drugged me, kidnapped me and forced me to be a part of your criminal life! And your psychopathic boss thinks that’s _affection_. You’re all out of your minds!”

Kylo grabbed my arm when I was about to turn around, a furious expression underneath the calmness he tried to put up. “I told you, there were others. If I would’ve let you go, they would’ve tracked you down and put a bullet between your eyes. This is your salvation, I am the one who saved you.”

“How are you so sure? Huh? Maybe they didn’t even see my face!”

“I’m sure because I used to be them. I used to be a foot soldier, and I went after collateral damage to expire them, and what you saw was more than enough reason to do so.”

“ _Collateral damage?_ God you’re insane.” I tried to twist my arm off his hold and he let me after a few tries. I left Kylo standing in the living room and I went to the bedroom hoping I could just go outside for a run, to get fresh air, to think, to . . . I don’t know! Get away, get away from him from this, from everything. Lord my heart ached for him, he’s so far gone.

I collapsed on the bed. _I always thought he had a bit of a dark vibe._ Yes, yes. I suppose so did I but I never wanted to admit it. He always had a temper, a contempt a little too strong toward his parents, words a little too praising for his criminal grandfather, I suppose it was all there. I just refused to connect the dots. I rubbed my face, no point in dwelling in what-ifs. I’m here now, and both of our decisions I suppose led here and maybe . . . maybe if I didn’t still love him, I would’ve called the FBI agent by now. The fact of the matter was, I didn’t want to bring Kylo down with me. I didn’t want to sentence him into a life of incarceration, even if he absolutely deserved it. Love makes us blind and he’s the fire and I’m just a spark beneath it.

Somewhere in between my spinning thoughts, exhaustion crept in and I fell asleep fully clothed, on top of a made bed. Somewhere, in the twilight of a dream, I felt my shoes being pulled off, a blanket was thrown over me and gentle fingers brushing the hair away from my face. Then a weight settled on the bed, making the mattress dip and the familiar scent surrounded me and my body crept closer toward to what smelled like safety and home, which had come lying next to me. I nuzzled my nose to touch a shoulder and as I descended back into the unconscious I thought I felt someone’s lips on my forehead.

 

\---------------------------------------

 

“Will you let me finish your job description now?” Kylo asked when he sat down next to me on the marble island. He was sipping his coffee, which he liked as black as the current state of his soul. I waved my hand as a way of answering him. Putting up another fight wouldn’t change anything at this point, and I think I made myself clear last night. I sipped orange juice from a designer mug and awaited. Kylo huffed but gave me my instructions. I listened and made sure to frown disapprovingly the whole time while sipping my OJ. 

“What if he wants me to get straight to it? What if he wants to have my mouth wrapped around his cock as soon as the door closes to his hotel room? What am I supposed to do then?” I asked. _Taunting_. I knew I could talk my way out of any situation, _him_ being the only exception to the rule, unfortunately. This all started with that damn clock and the sleazeball dealer Unkar Plutt, who had given me the gig in the first place. If never before then now I was truly regretting ever climbing through that window.

“Don’t push me, Rey,” Kylo said with a warning and got up, taking my empty glass with his now empty mug and placed them in the dishwasher.

“What? You’re commissioning me to do this, why are you so bothered about it?” _I suppose I still wanted to pick a fight after all._

His back was turned to me and as he pressed the dishwasher’s buttons, I could see his black shirt shifting ever so slightly as his muscles tensed. “This wasn’t my idea.”

 _Oh_.

“Hux?” I asked, but I knew already. Kylo nodded to confirm it.

“I tried to get you out of it but Snoke and Phasma both liked it so I couldn’t argue.”

“Phasma?”

Kylo turned to me now, leaning against the counter behind him. I could see the deep crease between his brows. “The blonde woman you saw sitting with us in Mustafar.”

“I see. Not even the fact that I was your new shiny toy got you anywhere?”

He shook his head. “No, they argued that it was exactly _because_ I owed you, that I should be able to do as I pleased and use you for my First Order business as I liked.”

“Jesus.” I breathed and rubbed my face. “Damn psychopaths. So that whole rape-show on the first day established jack shit then?”

He shook his head again, growing impatient. “Believe me, you’d have it a lot worse had I not done it. If they didn’t think you were being punished every day by being my prisoner here, Hux would’ve wanted in on the punishment as well. Instead, here you are drinking oranges and calling me a psychopath.”

“Yes, yes,” I huffed, “how fortunate am I.”

His eyes fell cold and he slammed the dishwasher closed behind him. “Indeed you are.”

For a moment I melted over the cool marble covering the kitchen island and stayed there as I watched his receding back toward the bathroom. Yes, things could be worse but couldn’t they always be worse? As my cheek rested against the cold marble, I thought things were pretty bad, to begin with. Not much to improve on the worse part. Sure, being Hux’s whore would’ve been worse but lodging up with your newly-turned-psychopath-ex wasn’t that much better. Or I suppose it was. I don’t know, my mind was a whirlwind again. I think I dozed off since when Kylo stomped back into the kitchen, he grunted for me to get ready to go out and noted that I had drool on my cheek. I swiped it away and stalked to the bedroom without bothering to ask where we were going. He wouldn’t tell me anyway.

As it turns out, we went shopping for prostitute things. _Great_. I’m glad I didn’t ask because I would’ve clung on to every passing surface as he would’ve had to carry me with force out of the apartment. Again, I’m predictable. Not denying it.

“Isn’t this store too high-end for a prostitute, Kylo?” I said under my breath as we walked into a shop in Midtown with white glossy floors and pretty, wide-smiled sales assistants.

“Hello, Sir, hello ma’am. How may I assist you today?” A blonde, skinny and gorgeous woman asked but directed her question only to Kylo.

“I’ll come to you in a second, just give us a moment here,” Kylo answered, without replying the flirty undertone in the sales assistant’s voice. A moment of disappointment passed by her, which she directed at me with a quick, and sharp hatred in her eyes. Then she stormed off to the side to wait.

“You’re going to the Four Seasons.” He whispered to me. “You’re an expensive hooker, not some drugged up sex slave.” He then took long strides toward the blonde and I had to jog to catch up while muttering questions about how would he know what an expensive hooker and a cheap hooker look like. I think he heard me but chose to ignore it.

Kylo turned to me and barked, “you, go to the changing rooms and I’ll bring you acceptable dresses you can try on.”

I raised an eyebrow. “And by ‘acceptable’ you, of course, mean ‘unacceptable’, which I wouldn’t choose myself.”

“Precisely. You can go wait by the dressing rooms, I think they have coffee too.”

I wanted to say _you know I don’t drink coffee_. But the condescending look the blonde was giving me, gave my pride enough reason to try and not act like a child. I checked her name tag before I went. _Susan_. Well, _Susan_ didn’t know why I was angry at him nor that he, in fact, was my kidnapper and not some rich daddy who was taking me on a shopping spree while his wife was out of town. I turned on my heels to go toward the ‘Changing Rooms’ sign that hung from the ceiling. But I couldn’t help myself and I glimpsed over my shoulder, just to see exactly what I thought I would see. Susan was laughing a charming smile and grazed Kylo’s arm as she led him toward some cocktail dresses. I looked away. Why did I even care? I didn’t. I absolutely didn’t care, if anything I could care less. Wait. No, that’s not correct. Anyway, the point is no caring here.

I slumped down into one of the four overstuffed armchairs, all around a glass table which, indeed, had coffee and magazines on it. I did see tea as well but out of principle, I had none. I glanced at the magazines but they were all boring women’s publications. I never had the luxury to buy them as a teenager and now I feel like the time had just passed. The carpet beneath my sneakers was plush and everything was in different shades of cream. I wanted to take my shoes off to feel the carpet beneath my bare feet. I bet it was ridiculously soft. Maybe even softer than Kylo’s sheets. I bent down to feel it with my hands. _Soft as hell._

An older woman with an extravagant hairdo came out from one of the changing rooms and stopped to stare at me. I straightened my back and looked at her back. She slowly turned away while looking at me down her nose. What? Can’t a girl appreciate a good carpet these days? I crossed my arms and tapped my foot impatiently. I just wanted to get this over with. I felt like an odd duck here and I most certainly didn’t look forward to pretending to be a hooker. _Oh, if Susan knew the half of it_. A chuckle escaped and of course, that’s when Susan appeared, looking at me like I was wrong in the head.

I stood up and glared at her back. She wouldn’t be so into Kylo if she knew what he did. Kylo appeared then too, sticking out in his all-black outfit amidst all the creaminess surrounding us. Susan opened one of the dressing rooms and placed the shiny, glimmering and colorful dresses inside.

“First Order event coming up, Mr. Ren?” Susan asked while batting her lashes while my jaw was too busy dropping to the floor. _She knows?_

Kylo saw my face and pushed me into the dressing room. As he was closing the door he whispered with an arrogant smirk, “They have an excellent men’s section upstairs.”

I slammed the door shut rest of the way, so I wouldn’t have to see his smug face. And Susan can go burn in hell. I suppose they would deserve each other. They can burn in hell together then. But what do I care, right? Because I don’t.

I looked at the three dresses lined up. Each one was short, formal but informal. All had plunging necklines but all in all they were all pretty . . . _classy_ dare I say. One was a chiffon mini dress with padded shoulders and a plunging neckline with an open back and made of light-catching green sequins. The second one was a black cotton mini dress with pretty crocheted trims and scalloped edges. The tiered skirt looked playful yet flirty. The third one was a mini dress as well, embroidered with red blooms across a sheer material and a backdrop. None of them had price tags to be found, so they were in the few hundreds for sure.

“Have you chosen one yet?” Kylo’s voice asked from the other side.

I have. The one with the least breasts shown. “The one with the red blooms.”

I heard talking then, but couldn’t make out what. After a minute Kylo replied, “Susan is going to go pick some underwear and shoes.”

I had the red bloom dress halfway on, but I swung the door open nevertheless to ask, “What’d you say?”

“In case. It still doesn’t mean you will do anything, but . . . in case.” Kylo tried hard to look me in the eyes. A little too hard. I had my old, lint-filled bra on but apparently, it did the trick for him.

“Right,” I muttered and slammed the door shut, once more. I was fuming again but once I had the dress zipped on (no way was I going to ask the bastard to help me), I couldn’t help but run my fingers along the material. _It was beautiful._ The material was sheer but it came with a skin-tight black dress underneath. The underdress plunged fairly deep but the red blossoms over it covered that a bit. The back was open and the length was short but the elbow-length sleeved with frayed edges made up for it. All in all, it was a combination of a lot of things, and I felt like I was a combination of a lot of things too. I wondered did Susan pick this.

“Kylo?” I asked to see if he was still behind the door.

“Yes?” _Of course he was._

“Did you pick the dresses or Susan?”

“Susan picked all but one.”

“And which one would that be?”

“The one you chose.” He said and I could hear the self-satisfaction in his voice.

I opened the door and bore my eyes into him. “This isn’t hooker-ish, Kylo. That’s why I chose it.”

He hushed me and gazed around. “I told you, high-class hookers look high class.”

I cocked my hip. “How’d you know?”

“Does it bother you? It does doesn’t it.” Kylo leaned on the doorframe. “Jealousy always made your nose crinkle up a bit.”

I scowled. “My nose is not crinkled. And no, I’m not jealous! I just, I’m surprised that your ‘one’ after me was a prostitute. Or on second thought; maybe not so surprised.”

“Who said anything about having sex? I could’ve done other things with women, just sex with the one. And no, she wasn’t a prostitute.”

Now he was taunting me. I hated how it worked and it shouldn’t have.

“I’m sure your mafia-ways turn on lots of pretty women like Susan.” I snarled and I just couldn’t stop myself. Kylo, however, was more amused than offended. That, of course, angered me even more. On that note, Susan appeared with the clank and clink of her high heels hitting against the shiny floor, holding complicated looking underwear sets.

“Mr. Ren, I think you’ll be—“ Kylo wrapped his arm around my waist and pulled me into a kiss. Susan silenced and I tried to push Kylo away but he persisted for a few seconds more until finally letting me breathe.

“The dress looks better on you that I even imagined,” Kylo said and fingered the fabric of the sleeves. I glanced at Susan. She had an angry blush on her cheeks.

“No need to try on the underwear, we’ll take all of them and the shoes with the dress,” Kylo said, without taking his eyes off mine.

“Yes, Sir. I’ll drop these off at the cashier. Is there anything else I could help you with?”

“No. That’ll be all,” Kylo replied and pushed me into the changing room, making me thump against the mirrored wall as he pulled the door closed. Only then did I hear Susan’s fading click of heels.

“What are—“

Kylo placed his hand over my mouth and I tried to open my jaws. “I swear to god Rey if you bite me I’ll put you out on the lobby in your underwear,” Kylo hissed. I closed my jaws.

Finally, he let go and I jeered, “why?”

“Her boyfriend is in the First Order. She knows who you are, so I should treat you worse. Or at least make it look like it.”

“She has a boyfriend?”

“Yes. Why are you so surprised?”

“Well, I—She was openly flirting with you.”

“Well, why do you think? I’m Mr. Ren. Next in line for the throne. I could give her everything she ever wanted.”

“But?”

Kylo looked at my lips. Then returned to my eyes as he said, “You know the ‘but’, Rey.”

I shook my head, heavy with the truth. “I can never be that person, Kylo. With Ben, perhaps. Perhaps I could forgive it all for who you were, but . . . for the man who has a gun in his nightstand, for the man who shot another in front of me, I can’t.”

His jaw clenched and he straightened his shoulders. “I know. I wasn’t asking.”

I felt like he just slapped me in the face. Kylo stepped out of the changing room and I sat down on the small seat in the corner. I had said the truth, I meant every word but I still felt like shit all of a sudden. I looked around in the small room for possible escape routes for another escapade but found nothing. I sighted and unzipped the dress (without even thinking about asking for help.)


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi again everyone! In this chapter I deliver on the promised smut a bit.... ;) Also, we'll get some answers as to why Kylo joined the First Order. Thank you for sticking around my lovelies, and THANK YOU so much for all of your wonderful comments, they keep me inspired and my fragile writer's ego beams from happiness when I read them <3
> 
> Updating next Sunday again as scheduled!! Shit is about to go down in Chapter 10 :o

I was eating a sandwich I had made, sitting in the kitchen when arms made of stone wrapped around me and yanked me off the barstool, lifting me in the air and pushing me to the ground. I struggled but Kylo was faster and had me in his control in mere seconds, my hands pinned up by his left hand and the other one on my throat.

“You’re terrible at this, Rey.” He grunted, but I detected a slight tone of amusement. He liked having me under his control, it was palpable.

“Why? I was eating a perfectly good sandwich and now look, it’s on the floor.”

“You’ll still eat it.”

“Yes,” _Sometimes I forget how well he knows me_ , “but that’s not the point.”

“You need to learn some self-defense,” Kylo stated.

I trashed in his hold, trying to turn from side to side, and Kylo leaned down to kiss my neck.

“Stop it! What are you doing?” I hissed between my efforts.

“Free yourself and I’ll stop.” He breathed, a glint in his dark eyes. “Fight me, Rey.”

I pushed all my energy into pulling my hands free, and he kissed my collarbone.

“Kylo, stop! I’m trying but I can’t!” I yelped. I was scared of how good it felt, but most of all, I was scared of how I _wasn’t_ scared at all. I couldn’t feel even an ounce of fear coursing through my veins. Only something dark and twisted in my chest and his eyes that had fallen dark made my abdomen clench in a way that was no good. No good at all.

“Fight,” was all he said.

So, I tried to kick him with my knee in his groin, but he sat down on my hips anticipating the move and kissed the valley of my breasts. I had to gulp. I tried to yank my hips from underneath his weight but I didn’t budge, and he let go of my throat to unzip my hoodie. I shouted profanities at him and tried rotating my hands but they stayed put. He lifted my t-shirt up, exposing my bra.

“Why do you insist on using this old withered thing, when you have brand-new ones?”

“This is comfortable. I don’t need some expensive chafing lace mess.” I spat back. I didn’t dress to look good for him, and he’s not even supposed to see me in my underwear. He rolled his eyes but his hands stayed on me. He didn’t even seem to be trying that hard to keep me contained. I was breathing heavy and I didn’t want him to know it wasn’t just because of my pathetic struggling. He leaned down again, free hand gripping my bra band and I saw how my chest rose and fell with my heavy breathing. His lips were parted in anticipation and his eyes filled with hunger. And I’m sure mine were equally hungry looking, as I did nothing to stop him. I still tried to pull my hands free but there was no true meaning behind it anymore. It was a mere show, and my stomach clenched in terrible anticipation.

Kylo dragged the lint riddled strap of my bra down my shoulder, flicking his dark gaze from my eyes to my chest. He curled his long fingers around the cup of my bra, ready to pull it down and my god I could’ve done anything for the man, I’d let him do anything to me, I was _his_. All his, only his, forever his. And then he exposed my breast and I was bare in front of him, and it should’ve felt strange and naked to have his eyes on my bared skin but instead, it felt familiar and wanted. I was screwed, I was gone, and when I felt his hot breath on my nipple, I had to rip out of the comfortable cage lust had me in and lift my head off the floor and yell,

 “Fine! Stop, please, _fine_ Kylo!”

He halted, lips hovering inches from my nipple, so close his hot breath went straight to somewhere dark and sinful that only he had access to. “I don’t mind,” the bastard flashed a devilish grin.

“That much is clear.” I gritted from between my teeth, staring at him daringly.

“Are you sure, Rey?” _Why did my name coming from his lips sound so sinfully good?_ I didn’t answer, my mind being too occupied with him. He was ready to cross the line and have me in his mouth and I was eager to gallop over the line but then, just at the last minute, I found Sensible-Rey again.

“I mean it, I mean it!” I cried out.

Kylo halted, looking into my eyes curiously. Then he straightened himself to my relief (and to my disappointment, which, will be denied infinitely), and said, “I’d feel better leaving you alone with Dominic tonight if I knew that you’d know some basics.”

“Yes, fine. Will you get off me now?” My whole body was tingling, demanding attention, wanting the familiar hands back, exploring what used to be all of his domain. But instead, he lifted my bra back on, sliding on the strap back where it was. He then let go of his hold and stood up, offering me a hand. I didn’t take it. The close proximity that I was forced to have with him every day, the sleeping in the same bed, the not going to places without him, being around him all the damn time, it was all starting to get to me. I could deny it all I wanted but my body would not, and could not. Maybe I’d end up calling Jude just because I was afraid of losing the rest of my resolve. The thought sent chills down my spine. No, I still couldn’t do that to Kylo. Jude’s eyes and reassuring words rang in my head. _Just call, and I’ll come._ What would it take for me to pick up the phone and dial the number that was scorched in my brain? Apparently, Kylo making me play a prostitute wasn’t enough.

He was looking at me now and I thought he looked painfully attractive. His mane was a mess from fighting me, and his eyes were alive. I felt guilty thinking about Jude, as if I would’ve cheated on Kylo in some twisted way. 

“Well, what are you waiting for?” I asked and stood up, tugging my shirt down. Impatient. I needed to kill the thoughts in my head, so I swung at Kylo but he interrupted my fist mid-air.

“Not that kind of self-defense.” He said and waved me to the living room where on the coffee table there was a black belt of some kind. Kylo picked it up and pulled a matching black knife from its holster. I backed away, instincts kicking in.

“Have you ever used a knife?”

I shook my head. “Only to pick locks.”

“Here, I’ll show you—“

“I’m still not going to commit murder, Kylo.”

“No, this is for self-defense.” He replied, looking at me like I was ready to either attack or accept the help. “I can’t—I just want you to be able to defend yourself.”

“I survived perfectly fine without you for four years.” I retorted, voice dripping with ice. “I think I’ll manage.”

I clearly hit a nerve as his tell-sign of a tick visited his right eye. However, he ignored my comment and handed me the knife. I took it and he pointed at his heart with his forefinger.

“If you’re killing face to face, aim straight up here, and then, as hard as you can into the heart.”

I tried to do it, a slow practice jab but he stopped me and waved a finger.

“Avoid the breastbone.” Kylo slid his fingers down the middle of his torso. “You get your knife stuck in that soft part on the top,” he tapped his chest,” you’ll be without a knife.”

Tentatively, I placed my fingers above his heart, right next to the breastbone. Sure, I wasn’t ecstatic that my ex was teaching me so chillingly expertly how to stab someone to death the right way, but my psychopathic-mafia-ex also had a point. It would be good to be able to defend myself. I don’t know if one would translate this as worry and caring from Kylo, because I know I certainly _wouldn’t._

“So, right there?” I asked, pressing his shirt above the muscle, then jabbing the knife toward him, practicing the movement.

“Well, don’t kill me yet scavenger. Wait until the lesson is over.” He said with a smirk, the hunger still lingering in his eyes. I narrowed my eyes at him. Kylo then grabbed me by my shoulders and turned me around, lifting my shirt from behind. I tried to turn back but he held me still, barking me to stay put.

He took the knife from my hand and I felt uneasy letting him have it. “I’ll show you how to kill from behind.”

My heart stammered as I imagined him with a bloodied knife, stabbing someone to death, watching their life drain out. I flinched as his hand appeared to tap the left side of my lower back and explained, “Now this, is the spot in the back. Either side will do.”

He moved his hands up, encasing my entire back when both of his hands landed above my ribs, on the bare skin above them, the other one clutching the blade which felt cold against my heated skin. I had to close my eyes as images of us from the past wanted to intrude my mind. His gentle hands, his loving gaze, his black hair against my stomach. I shuddered. He didn’t comment on it.

“Now, you see where all the ribs and such are?”

I begrudgingly nodded.

“Very difficult to hit anything vital when you stab in the back. Slip the knife between the ribs.” He instructed as if he was teaching me something as mundane as how to cook chicken the right way. Then, almost like hugging me from behind, he stretched his hands around me and in front of me, placing the knife between his forefinger and middle finger. “A lot harder to do than you might think, to get the knife in between the ribs like this.” He placed the blade between his fingers in front of me.

Then he let his hands fall, pressing his fingers under my last rib. “Here, just under this, you stab forward, and into the kidney.” I felt the sharp point of the knife against my skin, and I couldn’t help the small step my body forced me to take away from him. He was a capable killer after all. I could feel it even as he kissed me, in his soft breath, in his hard lips. It was in everything he had become.

Kylo stepped back, letting my shirt fall down. “Stab straight up. They’ll drop like a stone.”

I turned around with shallow breaths, wondering how many he had killed with this method. Had he come up with this himself? Through experience? Kylo took off his shirt, muscles rippling underneath his skin in doing so. His tattoo temporarily stretched over his heart and then he turned around and I had to swallow. His back was muscular and flickered with scars and it was hard to look at it without having improper thoughts.

“Locate the last rib.” He said, not turning around and I watched as his shoulders expanded with every breath. And there it was again, the unwanted stutter in my heart. I shook my head and took the knife back from him, then placed my tan fingers against his pale flesh, pressing slightly to feel where his last rib was. I gripped the knife white-knuckled and I thought about how I could do it now. Just kill him and flee, call Jude and go to the feds, into WITSEC, get my life back. I pressed the knife against his flesh, turning it.

“You have a lot of trust in me, Kylo,” I said to his back.

“Stab me and you won’t live to see tomorrow.” He replied, voice flat. _Void_.

“How? You’d be dead.”

He let out a dark chuckle. “I am Kylo Ren; the First Order is _me_. There’s nowhere you could hide, no rock big enough, no federal agency clean enough.”

He turned around then, cupping his fingers above my hand and placing the blade of the knife against his throat, forcing me to hold it there. “Do it and you’ll see. _Kill me_.”

Did he know about Jude? Did he know that he had a federal agent undercover in the First Order, was that a hint?

“W—What are you, suicidal?” I stammered. The situation all of a sudden had a dangerous undertone.

But then he let my hand drop. “There. I know you’re incapable of harming me, _scavenger_.”

I swallowed again, feeling how white-hot anger flared up in my core. “You think of yourself so important to me?”

He glazed at the knife, now on my side. “It’s evident.”

“This proves nothing more than I’m just not a _murderer_ like you.”

He stepped forward and I stood my ground.

“If you didn’t care about me then you would’ve stopped me earlier, on the floor. Admit it, Rey.” He stretched his hand toward me, grazing my lips. “Say it.”

A heat flushed to my cheeks and I wished I was wearing makeup. But I wasn’t, and Kylo unmistakably saw it, since the corner of his mouth stretched to a small smirk. It was true. I could’ve stopped him, but I didn’t want to and it was clear. And I missed him, and I wanted to get him back. Ben was still there, somewhere. Or he wouldn’t have bothered to teach me how to use the knife or try to protect me from Hux and his twisted desires. Even if it meant Kylo had to do twisted things to keep me away from his clutch.

I couldn’t help the hand that outstretched to him, touched his cheek, finding it smooth and rough. All anger extinguished within me. Shock flashed on his face but then he faintly leaned into my touch, like a love-deprived child. He closed his eyes and his shoulders relaxed. _Lord, he looks so young now._ Like how I knew him and my very soul ached.

“Why did you leave me?” The question which had bothered me ever since that fateful night, slipped from between my lips and I didn’t bother to try and stop it. I had him, in this moment, his walls were lowered and I needed to know. I had to know, there must be a reason because I felt like I died every day a bit more after he was gone and I thought he had loved me. And seeing him like this, relaxing into my hand, I refused to believe it had all been a lie.

“Because of my father.” He whispered and I held back the gasp that wanted to come.

“What did he do to you?” I whispered back. His eyes were still closed, as if he was too afraid to open them.

“He said I wasn’t his son anymore.” He said, so quiet I stepped closer to hear. “And you know how my mother was, buried in work, she never cared. Politics were her son. And Han was always chasing some new resurfaced antique item.”

He opened his eyes then, and I saw the gold crumbs again. A window to the past, wide open, looking at me.

“You were the only good thing, Rey. But I couldn’t, I . . . “ His jaw tightened and he looked past me, seeing something else, “I almost killed Han, he almost—I just had to leave.”

His eyes returned to me then, expectant. Waiting for his judgment.

I furrowed my brows and bore my eyes into his. “I would’ve understood. I knew your parents too.”

Leia was a wonderful politician, a peacemaker, but she couldn’t focus on her family at the same time. And Han had a restless heart, unhappy if he stayed in one place too long. Han and Leia’s union was doomed from the beginning; he needed adventure and Leia politics. Ben was left in the middle of it all, forgotten. He then worked for his mother, because it was expected, but I could read from between the lines that he despised it. I knew it would only be a matter of time when he’d change professions, but I . . . I didn’t know Han had disowned him and I never would’ve imagined him running a _mafia_.

“Would you have understood? You always talked about how lucky I was that I had a family and how wonderful Leia was. Would you have, Rey?”

I blinked. Had he felt too guilty to talk to me about his family issues, when he knew I’d never had one?

“I—I suppose I don’t know,” I admitted. Perhaps, I wouldn’t have. Leia, at times, felt like a mother. She overpaid me and invited me to family dinners at the Solo house. She made me feel like I finally belonged to something, to somewhere, and Kylo was at the center of it all, at the center of my world. He was the sun and I orbited it, happily, basking in its warmth and security.

He took a deep breath, stepping back and I let my hand fall.

“So, where did you go?” I asked, hoping his walls hadn’t come up yet.

He waved his hand in the air and sat down on the couch, examining his fingers.

“Everywhere. In Cuba first. Then Panama. Argentina.”

I sat down next to him, wary of sudden movements. I felt like any moment now he would distance himself again like he was a wounded animal and I tried to patch its wounds.

“And how did you . . . discover _this_?” I carefully pointed my finger at his First Order tattoo on his bare chest.

“In a bar in Colombia.”

I lifted my brows and he continued, “Snoke was there and recognized me. He offered me power when I was powerless. He offered me a chance to be my own person, to be myself. I wouldn’t have to live in the enormous shadow of my parents.” He glanced at me, hesitating. I looked at him, expectantly.

“He offered me a chance to be like grandfather.” He finally said and I understood the hesitation then. This time, I couldn’t help the gasp that came. His grandfather was an evil man called Anakin Skywalker, known as Vader. Like Kylo, he took on a different name and became the leader of the original baddest wolf of the mafia. First Order was built on the foundation of Vader’s mafia called the Empire at the time. I knew Kylo’s parents worried sometimes that he was too much like Vader, I remember the late night discussions alone with Leia. She had hoped I would keep him on the right lane, I would keep him in the light. But there was always a lingering darkness in him, and his words were always a little too kind for such an evil man as Vader.

In the end, the darkness won and Ben Solo became Kylo Ren. At least now I knew how. I couldn’t help the anger I felt toward Han, he had helped Ben’s road to darkness. I know he wasn’t the easiest son, he was quick to anger and as stubborn as his father, but disowning him sure didn’t help. And me lashing out at him now wouldn’t help either.

I placed a runaway black strand behind his ear and he flinched, bright eyes flicking to me.

“I understand,” I whispered.

He stilled, staring at me. We breathed hard and I knew the inevitable was about to happen.

Kylo leaned down to kiss me and for the first time, I kissed him back. I curled my fingers in his soft mane and my soul stammered, filling the aching empty spot. The disparate pieces came back together and I felt alive and whole for the first time since he left. Even the magnificent cliffs of California couldn’t fix this, the California sun never reached the spot reserved for him. Only he did, and it was full and bright now as our kiss deepened and I let him press my back against the couch. He might be the villain of my story but the thing is; I’ve always loved villains. Maybe it’s because my parents abandoned me, maybe it’s because I have physiological traumas but the fact was I loved the monster kissing me and there was nothing I wouldn’t do to protect him from further evil. Even if he was the biggest evil in other people’s eyes, the end to other people’s lives, the grim reaper with a pair of pretty eyes. I loved him and that’s all that mattered to me, call me a fool call me a naïve girl, I loved him I loved him I loved him. _He was my villain._

 

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

  
“That’s disgusting,” Kylo said as I was sitting on the floor again, mid-bite of the sandwich he had made me drop onto the floor earlier. But I didn’t miss the smile he tried to hide.

“It would be extremely wasteful to throw away a perfectly good sandwich.” I retorted, while mouth full of – perfectly good – food. “Besides, your floors are probably cleaner than most restaurant tables.”

“That’s probably true.” He conceded. Then his shoulders tensed and he shifted the weight on his legs.

“What?” I asked.

He ran a hand through his black strands. “You should probably start getting ready. I put the dress on the bed.”

I swallowed. “Right.”

After a moment of him staring at me, Kylo walked over and squatted in front of me. He brushed some food off with his fingers from my cheeks and then said, “It’s important to me that you know I fought this.”

I nodded. After our kiss, I knew there was a part in him that wasn’t swallowed in the darkness. I could bring him back, I knew it. I just wasn’t sure how yet.

He handed me something flesh colored and small, holding it between his thumb and forefinger. “Here. I’ll break into the room if anything goes too far.”

I put rest of the sandwich down on my lap and brushed my hands on my pants. His words did reassure me a bit, I wasn’t exactly familiar with all of this. I was to play a prostitute and get Dominic to invite me up to his hotel room. I didn’t even know how to flirt, and I certainly never thought I was _hot hot_. Like the girls in magazines. But it’s not like I had a lot of time to contemplate how I looked anyway, it was more important to plan how to get my next meal.

I took the small thing into my hand. “What is it?”

“It’s an earpiece. I’ll hear you and you’ll hear me.”

“Is Hux allowing this?”

“Hux doesn’t know,” Kylo said and he had a sneaky look in his eyes.

“Oh,” I replied. “Wouldn’t the whole mission be ruined though? If you barged into the hotel room?”

With a steady voice and serious eyes he answered, “yes.”

I nodded and closed the little thing into my fist. He was willing to do that for me. I’d do this for him. I got up to get ready, to put on the extravagant yet simple black underwear, slipped into the red-bloom dress and parted my hair from the side, hiding the earpiece. I did my makeup heavier again, trying to make myself into a character, into a different version of me in another universe, where I tempted men into their downfalls. Someone who was dangerous, and not just a survivor. I finished the look with a blood red lipstick that I used at my graduation the last time.

After all the armor, I stepped back in his bathroom and looked at my mirror image. It told a story of a different woman and I nodded to the image, it nodding back to me approvingly. I was ready, just one finishing touch. I slid on the thigh holster with the knife. As if I was a bride with a deadly secret.

Now, I was ready. I walked into the living room and Kylo stilled his back and forward pacing. He released a breath and let his eyes travel on me. A flush of heat appeared on my cheeks again, but this time I knew my makeup covered it. I had caked enough to hide my freckles.

Kylo walked in front of me and hovered above me, carefully stroking my hair, rubbing the strands between his fingers. Checking the earpiece. His hands were on my waist then pulling me flush against him and I let him. His hand dipped, and he bent toward me a bit as his hand traveled down on my leg, under the short hem of my dress, and I felt his fingers running along the edge of the knife holster.

“Clever girl.” He whispered and let go of the band, smoothing my dress over it.

He gripped my hair and tilted my head up toward his. “And you remember how to use it?”

“Under the lowest rib, straight up. From the front, avoid breastbone.”

He smiled then, for the first time, he smiled a full smile and stroked my cheek. “Deadly girl.”

“You’re corrupting me,” I said, but his smile was contagious, and it was so easy to be with him again, like before. Too easy. I tried hard to remember why I should hate him, tried to summon the anger but it remained gone. Like it was never there.

He dipped his head and captured my lips in a kiss, then breathing in between it, “I missed you, scavenger.” _Oh, who was I kidding?_ I was his again the moment I saw him. My heart was always his. So I replied his kiss. And as his lips felt soft and sincere against mine, a change in his usual fiery self, I thought perhaps I should seize this moment of truthfulness.

“Kylo,” I started, flicking my eyes at his with the hope that the newfound honesty was still present between us. “My tattoo, what does it mean?”

I saw his Adam’s apple dip. He dropped his hands off me and thought for a moment, perhaps weighing the pros and cons of telling me either the truth or a lie.

“It means you’re in.” He answered.

“I know it means more than that.”

An uncertain pause again.

“ _For life_ ,” he finally replied quietly. “You’re in for life.”

Only one word amidst the riot of them came out, clear as day. “ _Why?_ ”

He breathed out, anxiously fidgeting his fingers,“I was selfish. I didn’t want to let you go.”

“And what about now?” I asked, not sure whether to punch him or kiss him. The wrinkle between his dark brows and the slight pout of his lips made me think of a puppy who knows he did wrong. But I also knew I deserved answers, and I was only now starting to get them.

He lifted his emerald gaze to me, along with his hand, reaching to stroke the bite on my neck. “I still want to keep you.”

“I don’t want to be _kept_ , Kylo,” I said softly. “I want to choose to be with you.”

Kylo tightened his lips. “And would you? Choose me?”

Now I swallowed. _Would I?_ The cracks of light were there, barely visible in the darkness but there. And they kept growing but he was still Kylo. _Could I choose him?_

“I don’t know,” I said honestly, softly. “But I would like the choice.”

“I can’t give you that.”

“You can’t or you won’t?”

“Both.”

I gritted my teeth. Still so much darkness. I would work on it, devotedly like a mother to a sick child. I would force the cracks wide open like I had forced him to keep the curtains away from the windows. I knew how to wait, perhaps better than anyone.

 


	10. Chapter 10

“Are you sure she’s not gonna fuck this one up too?” The tall blonde woman called Phasma asked from Kylo, as if I wasn’t in the car with them. Sure, I was sitting on the backseat, but I was still _in_ it.

“She won’t.” Kylo countered flatly, hands gripping the steering wheel. Downtown Manhattan sped around us as we made our way Uptown, toward the Four Seasons on East 57th Street. I levelled my dress, palms clammy. I was glad for the holster hugging my tie snugly, it gave me added sureness. If it came down to it, I could and would defend myself.

Phasma stole a glance of me over her shoulder, then shrugged. “She cleans up alright.”

I couldn’t see Kylo’s face but as I watched his black hair I thought I heard a slight smirk in his voice. “Surprisingly.”

After a while the ritzy _Four Seasons_ appeared, and I thought Kylo’s knuckles looked whiter. We pulled up to the valet, got out of the car and the young valet worker bowed a little too deeply to Kylo. _Did he know who he was?_ The flash of fear on his face made me guess he did. We began walking up the steps when Kylo told Phasma to go ahead to the hotel bar and snatched me by my arm. He yanked me to him like a ragdoll and spoke to Phasma, without breaking his eye contact to me.

“I’ll have a few words with Rey about repercussions, should she try _anything_ she’s not supposed to.”

Phasma chuckled behind Kylo. “Aye, boss.”

Kylo detained my face crudely between his fingers and we waited until Phasma’s footsteps had receded all the way inside the hotel, and out of view. He let go of me then.

“Are you alright?” Kylo asked, shoulders easing.

“As much as one can be in circumstances like this.” I spat. _The wrath had made a comeback_. It wasn’t still as much as I had earlier, but resentment lingered. I believed him, I believed he tried to get me out of this, but the fact of the matter was, the reason I was here at all was because of him. _It was either this or a bullet between your eyes._ Yes, yes, well. In any case, I was vexed again.

His jaw tightened. I thought he looked a little guilty, a slight frown appearing between his brows.

“Straight up and avoid the breast bone.” He recapped.

“They’ll drop like a stone.” I finished.

Kylo couldn’t help the son of a grin, he tried to hide it by brushing his nose. “Good.”

After a while of pregnant silence, I took a step to go inside but he halted me again by my arm. This time, however, when it was just the two of us, he did it gently. Leaving me an option. I chose to stay.

“It won’t come to that.” He said, his tone for the stern, eyes vigorous. “I’ll see to it.”

I tapped my ear peace behind my hair. “I know.”

And then, I took a step again and he let me go. I wanted to get this over with, no use in trying to delay the inevitable. Kylo stayed, watching after me. I went through the doors and walked inside the over-the-top lobby, bathing in buttery light and overstuffed furniture swarming every available surface there was. I made my way toward the bar, assertively, as a different person. This was someone who knew what they were doing, who knew men would caress the earth beneath her twelve-inch heels. Someone who knew she twisted men’s heads wherever she went to, someone who knew she was the most striking person in any room she strode into. It was a kind of power, perhaps even the most precarious kind. It could hide all kinds of dreadful things beneath the appealing exterior, and no one would notice for they were too distracted.

And tonight; _I will be that woman_. I would let it show in my walk, in the grace of my neck, in the rigidness of my back and in the slender tilt of my chin. Might as well make this a game. And I would lie if I’d say the dress didn’t make me feel like the finest version of me, and the holster cozy against my thigh gave me a deadly secret which I would parade as a flicker in my eye.

I scanned the lounge and saw Phasma sitting in an embellished armchair, outwardly scrolling through the _Financial Times_ but if one would look closer, you could see how her eyes kept surveying the room. Then, I recognized Dominic sitting by the bar, the coveted suitcase at his feet. Phasma had showed me a photograph of him in the car and when I had observed at it, I understood then why Kylo had fought against me doing this. And I don’t think Kylo had liked the quiet I gave as an answer. Dominic wasn’t . . . _appalling_ , exactly. He had a set of strong brows and eyes that reminded me of a clever fox. His skin was warm and cold brown hair surrounded his face, tousled in a particular way.

Kylo had taken the phone away and Phasma had made remarks about Kylo’s possessiveness toward _new shiny toys._ I was hardly new, and hardly a toy. Definitely not shiny. But the Rey tonight would be all of those things and more. I walked over to the bar indifferently, gliding next to Dominic but tactically leaving one barstool between us. I might not have done this in the past, but I’ve had to pretend to be plenty of different people throughout my life to get things I needed to survive. Tonight would be no different. I will _survive_. And I will drag Kylo with me to salvation.

As soon as I settled the bartender asked to be of service and I ordered a whiskey neat. I still hated whiskey, but Night Time Rey did not. From the corner of my eye, I saw Dominic glimpse at me. My drink order intrigued him, it wasn’t the choice of most women and we both knew it. I would have to reel him, making Dominic think it was all his idea. Apparently, high-class prostitutes rolled like that.

Another man in a black suit sat next to me and as I sipped my whiskey and tried to hold in my grimace, I saw him looking at me. He had a blonde buzz cut and I thought he was giving off an even creepier vibe than Dominic. Speaking of, Dominic was looking at me now and I thought the buzz-cut man was a distraction. I gave the man on my left a stink eye and slightly turned my knees away from him, toward Dominic.

It didn’t take long until the man left and not long after, Dominic spoke. His voice coming out as low and heavily accented. “Would you like another one?”

I gave him a glance. Then turned my attention back to my bronze drink at hand. “Sure.”

He signaled the bartender. “Another for the lady.”

The bartender poured another drink and placed it in front of me, then disappearing onto cleaning surfaces of the bar on the other end. It was just us now. The lounge was politely quiet, low murmurs echoing from the embellished walls.

I took another sip. Liquid courage would be needed.

“Seeking refuge from an abusive partner?” Dominic asked, tasting his clear liquid.

How—? Abusive? Oh. _My neck._ The lilac ring had faded but the bite was still very much visible. More like I was the carrot at the end of Dominic’s stick, dangled by my made-man-ex.

“Or enjoying a break from work,” I replied, suggestively. Making sure a slight smirk played on my lips.

His brown eyes studied me, but his lips curved as a hint that he already knew. “What kind of work do you do, miss . . . ?”

“Revel.” Like rebel. Like Rey.

“Miss Revel.” Dominic spun my name on his lips, articulating each syllable. Then saluting me with his glass, still awaiting my answer.

“I’m whatever men want me to be.” I looked at him under my lashes, taking a sip. _Was that husky voice mine?_

I could tell he was pleased with my answer. Phasma had also briefed me about Dominic’s hobbies, which almost solely consisted of prostitutes. And he wasn’t the kindest man to the said prostitutes either, Kylo had told me not to bother trying to cover up the bite mark too carefully. About which, I had commented _plenty_.

“And do you also do whatever you want?”

“I prefer being on the receiving end of that,” I replied.

Dominic tongued his lower lip, eyes drowning in desire. I also knew Kylo would hear every word I was saying, and I hoped he was somewhere ripping things apart.

“For a price I’m sure.” He said.

“For a _good_ price,” I laced my words with sugar, ”sweetheart.”

He chuckled darkly, and it shot up straight to my bone, causing chills to spread. I hid it by crossing my legs. One might take it as a sign of being turned on.

“Oh, I’m not a sweet man,” Dominic said with his voice a row rumble.

I flashed a disarming smile. “Is that a promise?”

He got off his seat and lazily circled around me, crowding me against the bar. He stopped behind my back and I felt claustrophobic suddenly. My hammering heart luckily could only be heard in my ears. I felt his fingers brush the ends of my hair, dipping down my neck, following my spine. He left a trail of goosebumps.

“Sensitive.” I heard him murmur behind me.

I turned around on the seat then, looking up at him, intentionally making sure I stole a glance of his lips in between. Dominic’s teeth glinted as he smiled, and I thought his smile was alarming.

“Come up with me.” He said, the subtle pressure of his hand on my shoulder reminding it wasn’t a question. I was getting happier by the second of the knife and the lesson.

He leaned down even closer, his scent invading my lungs; _cigars with a hint of aftershave_ , “Revel,” Dominic commanded silkily, “I’ll pay you double of what your last client paid.”

I swallowed, desperately wanting to reclaim my personal space. His hand snaked up to my curled hair and claimed a fistful. I felt like I was rapidly losing the control of his situation. Dominic studied my features with an intensity I couldn’t understand, his harsh eyes slowly moving on my skin.

Finally, he settled on my eyes and as his forefinger slid over my bite mark, he hummed: “the things I’ll do to you.”

I forced a smile and replied with velvet: “I’m all yours, honey.”

Dominic settled his tab and mine, and we walked out of the lounge. He was carrying his suitcase, followed by Phasma’s steel blue eyes. We took the elevator up to the top floor and as the elevator doors dragged to a close, I flinched. I felt caged and I tried to calm myself by feeling the knife through my dress. My safety net against my thigh. And Dominic’s hand sliding around my hips didn’t help. I looked up at him, playing a mysterious smile on my lips and sure, he was handsome, but he lacked eyes that were somehow at the same time jade and black and golden, and he lacked black waves and a pale skin dotted with beauty marks and his hand felt all wrong and he was just _all wrong._

The elevator dinged, and the gilded cage doors opened to a wide hallway, embellished with flowers on small tables. Dominic took his keycard from his wallet and the double doors beeped open, revealing a glitzy interior with a sitting area along with a desk, balcony and a separate bedroom on top of three steps. _This must cost a small fortune per night_. I tried not to stare though, Revel had seen her fair share of fancy hotel rooms after all.

Dominic set the suitcase by the entrance and carelessly dropped his deep blue suit jacket over it. He rolled the sleeves of his white shirt as his eyes were stripping me. I gave him a wink and treaded my way toward the bar. I knew I had to get him as far as possible from the briefcase, and keep him distracted enough, yet without having to _actually_ have sex with him. And by the look in Dominic’s eyes, he wasn’t going to make it easy.

I poured myself a glass of whatever it was in his crystal decanter, but not too generous, as that would send a nervous message. I poured him a glass too, figuring this would be easier if he wasn’t in the sharpest of mind. I gave the glass to Dominic and sat down in one of the armchairs in the sitting area. He sat across from me, never taking his eyes off me. We stared at each other silently. Anxiety spreading along my spine. I wasn’t sure what I was supposed to do now. All I knew was I had to get his focus elsewhere, and then give Kylo the signal on the earpiece. _But not have sex._

“You don’t do this often.” A statement from him, breaking the nerve wrecking silence. _Was I that obviously a novice?_ Damn it.

“No,” I admitted, better tread close to the truth, “but often enough.”

“I understand. You have high paying customers, why work more than you have to.”  His deep brown eyes traveled slowly from my eyes down to my high heels.

What was I supposed to answer to that? If I said he was correct in his assumption, that would make it seem like I didn’t like what I did. And according to Phasma and Kylo, women who were high-class ladies of the night, got paid a lot because they actually enjoyed sex and it showed. They were independent and did as a living what they enjoyed the most. I wasn’t sure if I believed in it, but nevertheless, that was the image I was supposed to portray.

“I enjoy what I do.” I ended up saying and leaning down on the chair, trying to depict a relaxed image.

Dominic laughed, the darkness of it echoing in the high-ceiling room, making me feel imprisoned. “Very well then.”

He stood up and I struggled not to move in my seat. The briefcase burned in the side of my vision. Dominic had his back to it, it could be done now if I managed to keep him put.

“I like your shirt.” _Signal is given._ We had agreed on that since it was neural and could be applied to a broad number of situations.

Dominic arched an eyebrow. And with a sharp edge in his voice, he replied, “and I like your dress. But I need you to take it off now.”

I wanted to gulp but held off. _Fine_. I could make this a show, drag it out, and if I got lucky, by the end of it the briefcase was taken and brought back, and Kylo would barge in the room pretending to be a crazy ex-client and drag me out, and then it would be over.

So I stood up and gripped the hem of my dress. “Your command is my pleasure.”

Dominic gave me an unholy look and my reddened cheeks felt hot beneath my makeup. I thought the air suddenly felt chilly and the room’s lusciousness reminded me I was out of place. I started swaying my hips a little, lifting the hem of my dress with my movements, little by little, teasing. I wasn’t a great dancer, but I could manage slow, deliberate movements to keep him engaged enough. However, I was afraid he was going to jump the gun from excitement so I glided toward him, placing my hands on his broad chest and pushing him to sit back down on the chair. Fortunately, he let me do it.

He thumped down and I backed a step from in between his legs. I kept teasing him with glimpses of my underwear and even though I couldn’t say I enjoyed every aspect of what I was currently doing, I couldn’t deny the rush of power that surged through me as I saw the glossed over look of Dominic’s eyes, and I wasn’t even out of my dress yet. I held a power I didn’t know I possessed. I held him in the palm of my hand, in the sway of my lips, in the gaze of my eyes, and reduced him into a hungry man drooling for a nobody.

Dominic’s hierarchy in the smaller, rivalry mafia was the same as Kylo’s. Powerful among their ranks. And here he was, completely enchanted by me, oblivious to the fact that I had a knife hidden in the band of my stockings. Nevertheless, I knew it wouldn’t be long until he wanted to act on his desires, and on the promises, I had hinted at. I lifted the dress over my head then, slowly, dancing my way through it. I threw the dress at Dominic’s lap and saw his eyes zoom in on something.

“First Order started marking up their whores?”

 _Shit. The tattoo._ And no, they _hadn’t_. Only possessive ex-boyfriends turned into mafia bosses who would like to own you for life. So I had to lie. And hope he would believe it _._

“Yes. I am their property after all.”

“Mmm,” Dominic rumbled, wheels turning visibly. “Maybe we should start practicing that too.”

He stood up then, walking to me and stroking my tattoo with cold fingers adorned with silver rings. He nuzzled his nose to the crane of my neck and breathed out, “I’ll have to sample the rivalry product.”

I saw the door open behind his back. Silently, it creaked ajar and I wanted to shrink into nothingness as I recognized the sapphire eyes and the wavy hair in the colors of chestnut. Jude took the suitcase but didn’t leave. He was frozen at the door, eyes locked in mine in shades of hesitant. As if he didn’t want to leave me here. _Kylo’s whore, who he was now lending to other people like a common household object._ I know how it looked to him. I tried telling him _to get the hell out and on with_ it with my eyes, and finally, he left with the briefcase, silently closing the door after him. He must think of me crazy, who would do this willingly when a way out had been offered? When a hand had been stretched out, ready to pull me from beneath the stormy waters?

But it wasn’t that simple. I wished it was. Kylo’s salvation was now as important as mine, he had light, I’d seen it with my own two eyes and that part of him grew every day that I spent with him. I could see the old emotions jarring to life, the gilded crumbs in his eyes waking up to dancing again. So no, I couldn’t do that to him. And that’s what Jude didn’t know and would never know. Kylo was my everything and I’d die to protect what little was left of him.

But my mind was slapped back to reality when Dominic pushed me to the ground, almost knocking me breathless. Horror and fear took over my instincts, blurring intelligent thoughts of ways to counteract. He wedged a knee between my legs and pinned my hands with his right one, holding them still against the unforgiving carpet beneath my back. His obtrusive scent surrounded me again and the hunger in his eyes was screaming at me.

“I’m going to keep you for the whole night, little Revel.” Dominic’s voice purred in my ear, and my heart compressed. His hand brushed my jaw, letting his thumb graze the bottom of my lip. “I’ll pay extra if you scream for your life.” He kissed the side of my neck, trailing the edges of Kylo’s bite with his tongue. Panic swirled in my chest as burning coals and I had to get out, I had to, I just, I _couldn’t_. I pulled at my hands, and to that Dominic revealed a wolfish grin, and I thought even his teeth looked sharp.

“Yes, just like that.” He crooned, and I felt his hot breath on my skin as he continued down on my throat, nibbling it with his teeth, resting on my collarbone. He began fumbling with the hooks of my bra, and I really, _really_ did not want to do this. But Jude still hadn’t returned the briefcase, and I was supposed to wait for that before signaling Kylo again. I felt his hand on my breast, and I wanted to kill him. His hand traveled lower, down my stomach and repulsion spread in my veins wherever his skin touched mine.

“Dominic I—” I started, trying to slow him down, but he cut me off by striking my cheek. It stung and my mind emptied for a moment. The last time I was hit was years ago by Unkar Plutt and as soon as the stinging on my skin calmed, all of the old fury and rage was loose inside me at that second, the same dreams of killing Unkar Plutt resurfaced, the same feeling, the same craving, and _I had enough_. At that moment, this was _enough_.

“Get off me!” I howled, and that’s when I realized his head was close enough to break it with my forehead. So that’s what I did, I craned my neck and it connected with his nose with a magnificent breaking sound.  His instincts took over and he faltered backward, releasing his grip as he clutched his bleeding nose with his hands.

He raged “ _you bitch!_ ” through bloodied teeth and I felt the red drops hitting my face. _I was_ _back_. I pulled the knife from the holster, and held it steady in my hand, black blade ready to pierce skin. All I felt and knew at this moment was rage, and all I wanted to do was gut Dominic alive, and Unkar Plutt with him. _Straight up, avoid the breast bone._ Dominic was kneeling in front of me, I stood up and stretched my arm ready to strike when Kylo broke the door and barged in with a halo of wood from the kicked in door flying behind him. All at once, he ran to me, pushed me back away from Dominic and then grabbed him by the collar, forcing him up to his feet.

“ _No!_ ” I shouted, clawing at Kylo’s back but he kept me at bay. “I want to do it, _I_ want to kill him! Let me do it!”

He was _mine_ , he was _mine_ to kill. _Mine_ to drain out of life. I wanted my eyes to be the last ones he sees, I wanted him to look up at me and think about the decisions that led him here, think about all the women he abused and hurt for his own sick pleasure, thinking it was within his right to do so. Manipulating them into doing his bidding, _now it would be my turn_. I would get to decide his faith, I would be his, judge, jury and executioner. _I would be his end._

Kylo pushed Dominic against the wall, fist tight around his throat, forcing Dominic’s mouth to try and gulp air like a fish. His eyes were bulging, and I wanted it to be because of _my_ hand.

“Rey, get out. Now.” Kylo snarled, taking the gun from his belt.

“No! He’s _mine!_ ” I shouted, trying to rip Kylo off Dominic.

Kylo looked at me behind his shoulder as if he didn’t recognize who I was. “Did he drug you?” He asked, eyes hellfire.

“No, but he deserves to be killed by _me_.” I roared, still trying to get through Kylo to Dominic. He let Dominic drop on the floor and turned around to face me. He wiped my cheek, but I hissed as it still stung from Dominic’s hand. Kylo flinched and took away his hand, looking at his pale fingers which were now stained with Dominic’s blood.

“I’m not going to let you have that on your conscience.” He said and I was going to protest but he pointed to the bed, cutting me off. “Give me a pillow.”

Maybe he’d let me do it if it was a less violent and a less bloody death? I ran to the bed, taking one of the decorative pillows on it.

“No,” Kylo said and shook his head, “A bed pillow.”

I threw the blankets off the bed in a frenzy until I uncovered a big white pillow and threw it to Kylo. He caught it midair, stalked over to now crawling Dominic with four big leaps, and pushed him to lay on his back with his foot like he was just an insignificant piece of trash. Which is exactly what he was. Kylo then leaned down and stuffed the pillow into Dominic’s face, but halted for a moment to let Dominic spit out his threats of violence.

“Are you _crazy!?_ You’re not going to kill me; my father will have your head! You’ll have a full blown-out war against the First Order!” Dominic billowed, spitting blood on Kylo’s face.

“Watch me,” Kylo replied with a chill that went straight to my bones. He lowered the pillow back down and Dominic struggled for his life, fingers clasping around Kylo’s pale arm.

“I want to do it,” I said, trying to steady my voice, trying to sound saner in his ears.

“Rey,” Kylo started with a dangerous edge in his voice, “If you don’t back away right now I will lock you in the bathroom.”

I was enraged but then Dominic screamed muffled threats through the pillow. Kylo’s eyes snapped back to him, turning into endlessly black and his muscles strained in his arm as he kept the pillow in place against Dominic’s face. And at that moment all three of us in the room knew exactly how this was going to end. Kylo drew out his gun again, pressing it against the pillow, and with a quieted **_BANG_** , all struggle left Dominic as feathers puffed in the air. The sudden silence was deafening. Everything was frozen, only feathers lazily descending toward the floor.

Dark liquid started claiming the floor in a thick stream from underneath Dominic’s head. I found myself unable to breathe. Kylo straightened himself, holstered his gun and got his phone from his back pocket to make a phone call, still standing over the now dead body.

“One sanitation in room 2057.” He said in a low voice, hanging up then. 

Then, all at once three mean in black suits emerged into the room through the door Kylo had broken. They started firing at us with ear-deafening bangs. Kylo fired back at them while running to me and telling me to duck down behind the bed. He fired shots, taking cover behind various furniture, succeeding in advancing the men, little by little. He held them at bay while checking up on me. I was hunched over on all fours behind the bed, finding myself immobile, ears ringing.

Kylo finally got to the men, took all three of them at once and managed to disarm them in under a minute. He got a powerful punch to connect with one of the men’s lip, and as blood was gushing out of his mouth, and as Kylo kept fighting them like it wasn’t a problem, he turned to me, punched another one in the gut, and asked me, “How are you doing, Rey? You okay?”

I quickly nodded.

“Good girl.” He rumbled. Then pushed one of the goons on the ground and shot him in the chest. Twice. “I’m almost done here.”

He grabbed the two men left by their collars and smashed their foreheads together like Hulk. They stumbled back and Kylo kept delivering punches with his bare fists, and I thought it rather looked like he was dancing even though he had always made it a point of how he doesn’t like dancing. He was all black fury and strength and quickly he shot the second guy in the head, causing blood to spatter to the walls, and on Kylo’s face. The now lifeless body of the gangster hit the floor, and the third one looked at Kylo with panic ridden eyes. Kylo smiled at him and he looked like a wolf after a feast. The man took off.

“Sorry scavenger, I’ll be right back,” Kylo said and then disappeared out the door after him. Six seconds later he emerged back to the room, dragging the guy behind him like a sack of potatoes. As Kylo threw the guy to the ground, a flashback of the faithful night came to me. _Polished black shoes, face cast in the shadows of orange lights._

Kylo shot the pleading man then, and I was horrified that I wasn’t horrified of him. I should’ve been, the same feelings should’ve resurfaced, the same fear of looking into his abyss of an eyes, his pale face dotted with blood. _Where were they?_

Kylo made another phone call. “Make that four.”

 _He turned his head to me like a hawk, black eyes suddenly scrutinizing me. His face twisted into something that sent chills down my spine. He looked demonic, black eyes glinting in the orange hue._ But as he was now walking toward me, I felt nothing. He guided me to the bathroom by my hand, and I let him. My mind was full yet empty, confused and yet clear. _I wanted to kill._ I wanted to murder that man. The rage I had felt . . . I hadn’t known that much darkness was in me and yet it flared out as strong as the very fires of hell. I was frightened of myself, of my mind. What I was capable of.

Kylo helped me to sit on the toilet, facing the sink and the mirror. It was light up by square strips of light at the edges of it. Kylo was facing the mirror, running water under a towel. A weird emotion stirred in me, as I thought we looked the same. Both of us were sprayed with someone else’s blood, both of our hair a mess. My cheek was still red from the hand of a now dead man. Killed man. Murdered man. The evidence of it lying lifeless in the other room, keeping company to the three other dead men. My mirror image looked horrifying. _Dangerous_. Kylo’s bloodied hand appeared in my vision, holding the towel. He had wetted it with hot water and gently started wiping my face with it. So gently, too gently. Like he was afraid I’d break under his touch.

“I’m fine.” I spat.

“No, you’re not,” Kylo stated tightly, but his eyes were troubled with concern. There was a speck of blood in the corner of his right eye. It looked like he had been crying blood.

I swatted his hand away and looked him square in the eyes. “You think I haven’t seen a dead body before? Think again.” I was an orphan in New York. It was no place for a child, I had seen almost all of what life had to offer before the age of twelve. And life was not pretty. It was unforgiving and cruel.

Kylo looked like I had slapped his cheek as Dominic did mine. But he continued anyway and I didn’t protest. I didn’t have the energy. And yes, my _fine_ was a blatant lie. I might’ve seen dead people before, but not dead by murder. Not dead by a gun shot in front of me, and certainly not after I had vehemently wanted to do the killing _myself_.

He kneeled in front of me and brushed my hair behind my ears. “You have darkness. It’s okay.”

“It’s not. It might be who you are now, but it isn’t who I am.”

“Perhaps not. But it’s still in you, deep down. Accept it and it’ll accept you.” Kylo said softly. He reached to his right to get another, bigger towel to wrap around me. He did it without moving an inch, he stayed crouching in front of me, his eyes never leaving me. The warmth of the towel enveloped me and he took my face carefully in his hardened hands and whispered, “Let go of the past, Rey. Be who you are meant to be.”

And then he kissed me. I vaguely thought his lips tasted of metal. But his kiss wasn’t his usual fiery possessive self, it was warm and made promises of home. His lips were soft against mine and his hands on my cheeks stroked my temples. I responded, and warmth spread through my body, traveling into my veins and finally, into my core. And as I could feel the warmth of his lips lighting me from within, I knew I could never let go of this man. Ever again.

Whatever feelings for him I had still desperately tried to suffocate, had now escaped from their cages and were running around, taking up every available spot in my conscious mind, and it felt like he had never left. The electric connection crackled around us and as he pulled back I was drowning in his beautiful eyes, they were so alight now, so bright. His fingers touched under my chin and I had a storm inside me.

We shared a look of silence and everything was understood.

“Thank you,” I whispered.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ohhhh myyyyy.... What will the consequences be for Kylo for killing those men? And what does this mean to our star-crossed lovers? :o
> 
> Also, hint for the next chapter; your slow-burn-writer has decided to give a lil' reward to you guys (finally) in the next chapter ;) thank you so much for being on board with me this long <3


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So...... My boyfriend took me on a surprise road trip and I was like "I don't need my laptop, right? What would I need my laptop for on a road trip?" WELL MAYBE TO UPDATE YOUR FIC YA MORON?????
> 
> So, I'm back from the road trip. Here's Chapter 11 and I made it longer as an apology and as a thank you for your patience <3 I am currently at an airport and will be back next week, so I don't know if I have a chance to update this Sunday but I promise I will try <3
> 
> Thank you again for reading and for sticking with me <3
> 
> Oh and yeah. Things are definitely hc smutty. Porn-y. Porn-ish. Just porn I guess actually. But with plot!!!

I woke up to the smell of cigarette smoke. I blinked my eyes open, instinctively feeling to my right. The ivory sheets were still warm. The room was still in the dark of the night. I turned around to see Kylo leaning over the window, inhaling slow drags of smoke. It swirled against the moonlight as ink in water, like incense in the darkness of a holy temple. It was quiet. Faint noises of sirens chasing someone somewhere and I thought it was an odd thing to have missed in California.

Kylo’s back extended in lazy rhythm of his drags, his scars dancing on his skin. His hair was a black mess of waves, tickling his shoulders. I thought at this moment he looked like one of those ancient Greek gods described in ancient stories. Shoulders broad to fight Zeus, eyes sharp to keep an eye on the enemy, beauty to make everyone fall at his feet.

I think Kylo felt my eyes on him because he turned to look at me.

“Did I wake you?”

I nuzzled deeper into the thick sheets, the autumn air feeling cold. “The smoke did.”

He took a profound drag of the cigarette and replied after blowing the smoke into the starry sky, “sorry.”

And I smiled. So wide I felt my ears move, so wide my cheeks ached.

“What?” He asked, confusion on his brows as he put out his smoke against the wind sill, then throwing it out.

“You said sorry.”

“It’s a fairly common word, Rey.”

I shook my head. “Not from Kylo’s mouth. That was a first.”

He tilted his head. “Really?”

I nodded.

“I guess I’m not a murderous snake then after all.” He said and a sly smiled visited his lips.

“Oh, I wouldn’t go that far. Pace yourself, mister mafia-boss.”

He pushed back from the window, walking slowly toward the bed. He looked so big like this, his black figure covering the entire window as he closed in on me. He slid into the bed, and pressed a kiss on my forehead while supporting himself with his arms. He hovered over me like an angel, moonlight giving him a halo. Or perhaps like the devil, as his eyes told me things of sin instead of virtuousness. I wasn’t sure. Perhaps I liked a little bit of both. He certainly had been no angel earlier tonight. His bloodied face flashed in my mind, then my own, staring back at me from the mirror. Covered in blood that wasn’t my own.

“I’m not a killer like you.” I said quietly, breaking the silence. He laid down on his back next to me, so close but not touching. I listened to our breathing in the silence, and felt that heavy swirl in my abdomen, the goosebumps on my skin, the current between us.

“I know.” He replied, studying the ceiling.

I took a shaky breath. “I wanted to kill him. I wanted it to be me.”

“He brought up old memories, bottled up emotions. And they came out, that’s all.”

“I—I thought somehow, if I killed him I would also kill Unkar Plutt, I don’t—“

“I know.” He said, turning his head to look at me. “There’s darkness in you, I’ve seen it. Lingering in your eyes. It’s okay, it doesn’t make you a killer.”

“It does with you.”

“It’s different with me. I have all-consuming wrath to accompany it. You have the calmness of the sea.”

“The sea can have storms.”

He gave me a small smile. “But they pass.”

I wanted to reach out and feel his skin. Its softness and its hardness. I wanted his kind cruelty and maybe that made me a little messed up but so was he and maybe we could be better together. I just wished I knew how to get there. But I know I wanted to, so badly, and I wanted to feel his hands on me and I wanted to bury my hands in his hair and I wanted his reassuring lips on mine again and I . . . _I wanted him._ All of him, plain and simple. And he was right there, if I would move my arm an inch it would bump into his, but it wouldn’t do any good to us. No, it would make all of this so much more complicated, if we would take that final step into the past.

And yet, I found my arm moving atop the bedding and resting to a stop once it touched his. I heard Kylo’s breath catch just a little.

“Rey . . .” He whispered from somewhere deep within him. It was just my name but it bared so much. We both knew better than this.

And yet, I curled my fingers gently around his arm. His skin was cold and I wanted to warm it by lighting the fire within him again. Maybe together we could calm the storms inside us. Even if the world would burn around us. And maybe he sensed it too for he took my hand brought it up against his chest, against his heart. He held it there, tight against his skin, as if his life depended on it.

“Are you sure?” He asked.

I swallowed. “Yes.”

“I won’t ask again.”

“Yes. I’m sure.”

Silence. Air heavy with anticipation. With a need that demanded to be fulfilled.

“I don’t know . . . That I can be _nice_. Like before.” He whispered, voice hoarse in the stillness of his bedroom. A cloud covered the moon and we were in the dark for a moment.

“I—maybe I don’t want you to be nice,” I whispered, cheeks aflame. The cloud passed, illuminating us again and I saw his eyes then, so hungry, so yearning and so blackening it went straight between my legs. 

“Okay, Rey.” He said softly and brought my hand up to kiss it. “Remember that I asked. I won’t again.”

I nodded. And then the softness left him at once, overcome by only one emotion; _lust_. He swiftly turned to his nightstand, pulling the sliver handcuffs and seizing my hands, securing them the bedpost to my left. Not asking anymore.

I breathed out shakily. “Really?”

He looked at me behind his brows and a shiver ran through me. “Yes. Want to stop?”

I gulped the shyness down. “I thought you said you wouldn’t ask anymore.”

And then he kissed me with the fiery passion I had come to know. His lips dominated over mine and his tongue forced its way through my lips, and I let him. He had asked and I had answered, so I let him. The electricity jolted alive and I thought it felt like a lightning had struck. I could feel it coursing through me. He pushed me harder against his bed and I wanted to clung to him, forgetting he had restrained my hands, and ending up just pulling against them in vein. And as he continued his ravenous kissing I thought perhaps it was possible I had underestimated his power. He was raw dominance and hunger now, and the authority of his kiss and his assured hands running over my body sent shivers through me.

Somewhere in the distance I though he terrified me still a little, but it was overrun by the need for more and I couldn’t get enough of him. I tried to wriggle to get closer to him, to get more friction and a low moan came out from Kylo’s chest as a soft rumble and it just made me want to have my hands free just so I could _do something_. Maybe I would burn like Icarus but I thought it would be worth it. To die here, in his arms. Better than to die for nothing.

He trailed from my mouth to brush his lips behind my ear and he nipped at the sensitive skin along the way. I jumped at the sensation and he murmured into my ear between nips of skin around it, “I’ll make you hurt a little.”

I gasped.

“But I’ll make it pleasurable.” I felt his smile against me.

“Like when you bit me?” I asked, voice hoarse.

He chuckled darkly into my neck. “Except that I won’t stop this time.”

He resumed his kisses and little bites down my neck and onto my collarbones. His hands moved down, gripping my bare thigh and sinking his nails into my flesh, bringing it up next to him. He was situated too perfectly between my legs and I was only wearing pajama shorts and a thin t-shirt and I could feel him, through his black jeans, and I could remember how he looked and I flushed as I thought about it. But I also felt the familiar delicious swirl in my stomach and it was terrifyingly drugging.

He let his hands travel to the collar of my t-shirt, curling his fingers around it and with a controlled yank he ripped the cheap material in half, unwrapping me from it like a Christmas present.

Kylo looked at my chest, lifting his brows. “No bra made of lint tonight?”

I had worn one of the bras the sales associate Susan had given to Kylo. It was black with dark red details and even though my breasts were small, it made them swell a little.

“I had to wash it.”

He leaned down to kiss my right breast, over the expensive lace. “I like the old one better.”

I struggled in the restraints, wanting to smack his smug face. “Then why did you buy these!?”

Kylo wrapped his arms around my torso, forcing me to arch my back toward him and kept his mouth on my breast. “For your nuisance.”

I lifted my head. “Asshole.”

“Perhaps.” He bit down around my nipple and it stung. “But I’ll be the asshole that’ll make you feel better than anyone else.”

He unclasped my bra and I was bare in front of him. He leaned down to close his mouth around my nipple while palming the other, and his teeth grazed it and I cried out in the confusing mix of pleasure and pain. He had never been into this before, it apparently came with the new, messed-up version of him but I would be lying if I said I hated what he was doing to my body currently.

“When did you, ahh, get into . . . _this_?” I asked, in between his ministrations.

He abandoned my breast and the cool air felt sharp against it. He stroked my tied up arm as he replied, “I got the cuffs presently around your wrists after the first night we kissed.”

My eyes widened. “But you didn’t, you never used these.”

“I didn’t know how to suggest them to you and I wasn’t bold enough to do it.”

“And now you are.”

He toughly seized my cheeks. “Now I am. And I will finally do to you what I wanted to do all those years ago.”

My breath caught. In anticipation. In a dash of fear. But mostly as excitement that pooled between my legs and swirled in my abdomen and raised my flesh on queue. Kylo pulled my shorts off skillfully, leaving just my boring underwear on. He kissed his way up, hot breath hovering for a moment above my panties and I closed my eyes. _Oh, we were far gone._

His lips stopped over the bite mark on my neck, now almost healed. Just pink imprints of half-moons in an oval shape. He hovered over it, lips brushing it.

“You know I have to punish you again.” He said as a hoarse whisper.

“What?” I shrieked. I wasn’t drunk and if he was going to bite me again, I would most certainly scream so that the neighbours would hear.

“Hux blames you for the hotel.”

“But you _got_ the briefcase!”

He nipped my skin. “And I also killed four men from another mafia family.”

“I didn’t tell you to!”

He gripped my breast and elicited a sound from me that was between a moan and cry of pain. “Hux doesn’t care.”

His mouth drifted away from the mark and I breathed out in relief. “I think you just like punishing me.”

He was now kissing the skin above my nipple. “That may very well be.”

Kylo’s hand drifted down, over my grey underwear and cupped me. I jumped and his hand felt cool against my overheated core. I bit my lip. His hand started caressing me in sinful ways and I turned my head to the side, desperate for more, and too stubborn to let Kylo vocally know I liked what his hand was doing to me. I didn’t think this new dominant side of his needed any more ego stroking. I could feel myself getting excited nevertheless, and by the self-satisfied look on his face, I thought he felt it against his pale hand as well. Then, without a warning, he pushed my underwear aside and dipped his finger into my folds. I let out a son of a moan but killed it before it was fully out. I closed my legs from the overload of senses, and yet to get more friction.

“Open your legs.” He commanded, and I glimpsed at him to see his eyes boring into mine back. Dark and dangerous. I swallowed, closed them tighter. I might’ve given him my consent but I didn’t have to make it easy.

 “That was an order.”

I took a shuddering breath but kept up my resistance. I liked pushing his buttons and somehow the heat grew between my legs with it. I wouldn’t give in this easily. He gripped my ankles and pulled me forward so that the cuffs dug into my wrists painfully and I winced from the sudden pain. My hands were stretched out above me and he forced my legs open, pushing them apart by my ankles.

“Remember I gave you a choice this time, scavenger.” He said roughly, and kneeled on the floor, in front of the bed. He snaked his hands up my legs until he was bending them by my knees, pinning them down onto the mattress. He reached into his back pocket and with something silvery flashing in the moonlight, he approached my core.

“What are you doing?” I asked, slightly panicked when I recognized the flash of silver as a goddamn _pocketknife_.

“Shush.” He grunted, placed the blade under my underwear and I watched with my heart in my throat as he used it to tear it. He peeled them off from me then, and the cold air and his intense stare felt all just too much and yet exactly _right_. Then his fingers dipped unobscured within my folds and my god I thought the stars from outside had slipped inside and around us. His fingers grazed the overtly sensitive bundle of nerves at the top and I had to strain all my muscles not to move my hips. Not to give him the satisfaction. Lord, I wanted more, _needed_ more. I bit my lip and soon tasted metal.

He stopped. I protested. Kylo lifted his head and looked at me. “What do you want me to do?”

I gritted my teeth, panting. There were still lines I would rather not cross.

“Don’t think I won’t leave you like this until the sun comes up.”

I growled. “I hate you.”

“Tell me, scavenger.”

I huffed. “I—I want you to continue.”

He dipped his thumb between my legs, lazily stroking the wetness, purposely avoiding the knob at the top. “Do you think you deserve it after the hotel?”

“Yes!” I howled, pulling at my chains, “especially because of it!”

His voice came out raggedly. “Considering how long it’s been for the both of us,” he flicked over the spot that ached the most, “I’ll be forgiving tonight.” He pushed his thick fore finger into me and the feeling wrought out a strained cry from me, my head hitting against the pillow with force.

“God, you’re the worst.” I panted out, long lost to the feeling of his finger curling inside me.

“Not God, _Kylo_.” I was too lost to the sensation to answer. He pulled out his finger and the aching emptiness within me made me shot my angry eyes to him.

“Say my name.”

“Be—“

He pinched my nipple with cruel force and I shrieked.

“ _No_.”

“Kylo!” I yelled out, nipple aching between his fingers.

He let go of my nipple and pushed his finger back inside me. “Next time you defy my commands, think about how good obeying feels like.” Kylo pushed a second finger inside, stretching me in a way I had forgotten his hands could do. He moved them slowly, with a steady, agonizing pace. I knew this was dangerous, beyond stupid, but with his fingers hitting just the right spot within me, remembering exactly how I liked it, I couldn’t remember why this was supposed to be so wrong. He moved up to hover over me as he kept posing his ministrations, leaning down to kiss my nipples, then to draw them into his mouth, and then kissing the skin around them. And as he kept petting that sweet, delicious soft spot within me, my breathing got wilder and I couldn’t help the small shrieks of pleasure I let out, and not too long after, he drew out an orgasm so strong I hadn’t had one since four years ago and it seized control of my whole body, all muscles tensing and clenching around and with his fingers.

And then he bit down. I screamed from the dizzying mix of the two, blending together and complementing each other like French fries did to vanilla ice cream. Kylo silenced me with his hand clamping over my mouth and I continued my now muffled helpless cries, through my stretched out peak, taking all the power and frustration with it. Somewhere I had lost control, and the thoughts of making this hard for him. Maybe I should’ve tried to take the reins back but as he forced his fingers to move, ride through my tidal wave, I felt tingly and hot and sweaty and so dangerously calm and I realized I never had them. The tremors stopped finally and his teeth left my skin just above my left nipple.

I looked up through the haze to see the corner of his mouth bloodied from breaking my skin. I looked down to see an oval shaped, bleeding bite mark on my breast. _Maybe he liked biting me_. Maybe that’s what he thought Hux would approve of. I didn’t know, but the thought of having a mark on my skin from where his lips had touched mine, felt strangely titillating. _“People have different kinds of darkness,” his forefinger dipped to circle the bite, “I think yours is that you enjoy this a little.”_ Maybe he was a little bit right. Maybe this was my darkness.

 

 

  


* * *

 

 

 

 

“What?” I asked as I was drinking orange juice on the floor of his living room. I had stared at the angry cuff marks around my wrists when he walked in, sat down on the couch opposite of me and just stared at me silently. The bright noon sun was casting peculiar shadows on his face.

“We have a mole.” He stated coolly and my heart jumped to my throat _. Does he know I’ve known this whole time who it is?_

“Do you know who?” Possible lies I could say to justify my actions started running through my mind. I sipped from my glass and tried to steady my hand.

He leaned forward on the couch, resting his elbows on his knees. “We’ll know soon enough.”

“Why are you telling me this?” He hadn’t told me anything about what they do and who does what and when. I was kept in the dark intentionally, and Kylo all of a sudden catching me up on the First Order business made me feel nervous.

“You are suspected.”

“What!? Me!?”, I shouted. “I’m with you 24/7, at what point could I have become an informant?”

“At the housewarming party. At Mustafar when you waited for me.” _He knows. He must know._

“But, all of Mustafar’s employees are part of the mafia, are they not?” _Except for one FBI agent, you call Vinny_. And indeed, I could’ve turned my coat at the party or at Mustafar. He was right and I hoped for my life this was just guesses and not facts.

“Yes but it’s open for everyone. Someone could’ve simply walked in.”

“Are you accusing me of being the snitch? Is that what this is?” The fact of the matter was that even if I knew who the mole was, it wasn’t me and I hadn’t given Jude anything. So if he wanted to give me the third degree, then fine. I could take it. All Jude and I had done was talked about Kylo.

He got up and walked around the sofa table between us, kneeling in front of me. His hand came up to stroke an errand strand behind my ear. “I know it isn’t you. But these are the questions Hux is asking.”

I closed my eyes. His hand spread warmth. “Do I have to go with you to Mustafar today?”

“Yes.” I heard him say softly. Then I felt his lips brush against mine. “If you obey well, maybe I’ll do things to you tonight again. Things I’ve dreamed about while we were apart.”

My eyes shot open and I felt my cheeks redden beneath his hand. “Only if you’re feeling less murder-y today.”

He smiled wolfishly. “It all depends on today then.” He gripped my left breast and I cried out from the sharp pain as he slightly twisted the bite on it. “Or you can disobey me and I’ll get to mark you a third time.” I pushed my hands to his chest and tried to get his arms away from me, away from the instinctive hotness his words caused to my confusion. But he wrapped his arms around me as an answer, kissing the skin behind my ear, just where he remembered I liked. “Embrace the darkness within you and it’ll accept you,” he whispered softly against my skin. He pressed his lips against mine then, and the fight left me as his kiss softened from dominance into gentleness.

I mumbled against his hot breath, “you’re my darkness.”

He swiped his tongue across my lips, asking for access. “Then you’re my light.”

 

We left for Mustafar a few hours later. The air was brisk, carrying brown leaves with it. Kylo advised me just tread close to the truth, but not too close. He had also asked me to wear a hoodie with the zipper undone a little bit lower, so the bite mark would flash on my skin. The bite was just enough off to the center of my torso, that half of it showed if I undid the zipper a couple inches lower than I’d usually do it. He then wrapped the sleeves of the hoodie once, so the chafe marks on my wrists were clearly visible. I had made my displeasure about this known. He had grunted that at least I had liked it at the time. I blushed.

“What did you mean when you once said there’s no federal agency clean enough?” I asked in the car and he looked at me, puzzled. I figured since we were on our way to a witch hunt, it wouldn’t be too off topic to ask about that.

“Feds like money just as much as any other person.” He answered. Glancing at me. “Why do you ask?”

“Well, if the mole leaked something to the authorities, isn’t there something you could do then?”

“Yes.”

We turned to the street where Mustafar was, it’s black awnings coming into view and somehow it felt like the entrance to the underworld.

“Does it involve murder?”

He let out an amused huff. “Actually, not this time. It’s better to bribe cops, less of a mess.”

“Oh. Have you done it a lot?”

“We have people for that.” He stated. _Of course they did._ “I’ve done it only once.”

He stopped the car and turned off the engine. I took my seatbelt off and looked at the valet running toward us, evidently recognizing Kylo’s car.

“For what? Covering up a gruesome murder?” I asked.

Kylo looked at me like I said something utterly hilarious. “Why do you always think everything is about murder? No. It was for you.”

The valet opened Kylo’s door then, and his tall figure got out of the car, handing the keys to the young boy. I got out of the car then as well, but Kylo’s mafia-boss mask had fallen on his face and I knew I couldn’t get any answers out of him anymore. I’d have to try later.

“Don’t talk unless talked to.” He said flatly to me over his shoulder. I nodded. There were eyes on us, he had a cruel image to up keep. We walked through a line of servers who nodded too politely and looked deeply anxious as Kylo passed them. I walked behind Kylo, looking at his broad back and noting how one by one the servers relaxed after Kylo’s back was turned them, but mine stiffened when Jude came into view, behind the bar again. He looked at me but let his gaze wander off then, as if he was just casually looking around. He was making a drink to a tall woman, who I now recognized as Phasma by the platinum blonde hair.

Kylo barked at me over his shoulder, “wait here.” Then nodded at Phasma and she got off the barstool, joining Kylo through the mahogany double-doors that were opened for them by dutiful gangsters wearing sunglasses and flashing guns on their hips.

I stood there, on the cleared out path as the doors closed and the servers scrambled back to their duties. I looked at Jude who was busy ignoring me. I know Kylo had said, actually _ordered_ to be precise, not to talk to him but what was I supposed to do in the mean time? And I wanted a beer. So I walked over to him but sitting on the opposite end of it than Jude. I noticed an unopened green bottle of beer on the counter in front of me, so I reached over and grabbed it. It was cool but not cold in my hand as I squeezed my fingers around it and opened the cap using the bar table’s edge.

“You shouldn’t be here,” Jude said under his breath five feet away from me. He was slicing lime.

“I’m allowed to have a beer,” I answered, leaning my elbows on the wooden surface.

“Are you?” Jude asked, and I detected an annoyed current in his tone. I sighed. He didn’t know Kylo wouldn’t kill me if I disobeyed him. He would do . . . _other_ things, but my life wasn’t at risk anymore. And I liked talking to Jude to be honest, I didn’t have to pretend anything around him. Even if he thought I was Kylo’s slave.

“Yes. And I will talk to you if I want to, I may be debited to Kylo but that doesn’t mean I’ll be his good little puppy.”

Jude put the lime slices in a container in front of him and started cutting a lemon now. “Not for long anyway.”

I furrowed my brow. “What do you mean?”

He looked around, it was busier than the last time and the goons looked bored, staring straight ahead by the door. “After the shootout, we have enough evidence to arrest Kylo right now. He shot straight to FBI’s Most Wanted TOP 5, and Ortega’s got a five-million-dollar bounty on his head.”

My fingers around the bottle tightened.

“Then why don’t you?” I asked and couldn’t help the edge of malice creeping in.

“Our operative’s cover got blown,” Jude answered. “And Snoke is the end game anyway, we need to nail him.”

“Wait, aren’t you the,” I glanced over my shoulder, “ _operative_?”

Jude gave me a look. “Did you think I was the only one? That would be insufficient, First Order is massive.” _Oh_. Right, of course. Anxiety tightened around my chest accompanied by guilt. I felt like I should’ve told Kylo but . . . that would have death-serious consequences. 

“Why you?” I asked. Perhaps feeling a little unlucky; he seemed to be too good for Kylo’s sake.

His eyes sparked and a self-assured smile tugged his lips. “I’m the best.”

I lifted my brows at that.

“I spent five years undercover in Argentina and singlehandedly brought down the biggest neo-Nazi organization in Latin America.” I tried to steady my hands around the beer. He was more capable than I had thought, a careless miscalculation on my part. He was better at hiding his skills than I had thought the first time I saw him here. I assumed he was too soft but . . . _cleary,_ I had been mistaken.

“Impressive,” I muttered under my breath.

“So do it. Save yourself.” He said and his eyes felt scorching like boiling water.

“I—I can’t, it—“

“I’m offering you a way out, Rey.” Jude cut me off.

“It’s not—“

“ _Take it_.”

“It’s not that simple!” I shouted out of frustration. I realized the looks we got and lowered my voice while clutching the sweating bottle, “I . . . know him. From before.”

My admission stilled him. “What do you mean?”

I bit my lip. Now I was certainly bordering on dangerous. “How much do you know about Kylo?”

Jude took a deep breath. Then started as if reciting an article, “his real name is Ben Solo, born 10th of March 1983 to Han Solo and Leia Organa. He went to the best schools in New York and after graduation worked for his mother, the mayor of New York at the time. After a few years, he went to travel and somewhere along the way met Snoke who paved him the way into the First Order.” He finished and I gawked at him.

“Holy hell.” I stammered.

“The FBI is very thorough.”

I couldn’t help the small smirk.

“What is it?” Jude asked.

“Not thorough enough.”

“What do you mean? I researched him myself.”

“Those years you mentioned, working for Leia? Well, I worked for him too.” He froze and I could see the wheels stopping in his sharp eyes for a moment. Frankly, I was surprised he didn’t know about me. He seemed to know everything else about the different phases of his life, and I was with Kylo practically 24/7 four years ago. Perhaps he wasn’t as observant as I had thought after all.

“How? That’s not possible, I’d know.” He stammered.

“He offered me a job and I took it. And soon, I . . .” all of a sudden what I was about to confess to him felt embarrassing, since Jude only knew him as Kylo, “I fell in love with him.” He looked at me with confusion so I continued, “and he fell in love with me. He was different back then, he was Ben.”

“I . . . “ He paused and cast his gaze up, thinking.

“I’m not his whore, Jude,” I said and he tilted his chin back down, attention on me. “He just wants Hux and Snoke to think so. He hasn’t harmed me.”

He wrinkled his brows and pointed at my wrists, and then to the bite mark flashing above my heart. “Your skin says differently.”

I couldn’t help the blush from creeping. “Oh, these were . . . well, sort of consensual, actually. Kylo did these to portray the right image but I, I let him and, well. He made it . . . nice.” Oh, I was _mortified_.

Jude nodded, once. Looking a little awkward himself. “Well, in any case, Kylo is looking at a life in jail any moment now. You should save yourself while you can.”

“I can’t help you destroy him. I’m sorry.” I said quietly. I could never forgive myself, he was so close to the lightness, his darkness had morphed into greyness and I couldn’t do this to him now.

“Not even to save yourself?”

I shook my head.

“Well,” he started, “what if I could help you to save Kylo?”

I stilled. “What do you mean?”

If I didn’t know any better, I could’ve sworn his tone changed into that of reluctance. “If you can convince Kylo to tell us everything about Snoke, and provide evidence, I can get you both into WITSEC.”

“Witness Protection?”

He nodded. “New names, new life. Together.”

The possibility of being able to be with him again, outside all of this. It was so tempting, more like a dream. And it was within my reach now. I just had no idea how I would even begin to tell Kylo about this. If I came right out and said that Jude was a second mole, I’m not sure would he listen to anything else. I could see him walking out the door with a gun in his hand, ready to kill who dared to cross him.

I never got the chance to answer him, the double doors cringed open and Hux emerged. His attention was set on me as he waved his hand, beckoning me to come.

“Do you still remember my number?” Jude asked quickly, not looking at me.

“Yes,” I whispered, not looking at him and entered the mahogany room with Hux’ sinister eyes on my back.

 _“You’re lucky if you leave here with your life_.” I heard the demon whisper from behind me and I jumped as the doors slammed shut.


	12. Chapter 12

Snoke’s deep-set eyes made me so utterly uncomfortable I couldn’t help my fingers fidgeting with the hem of my black hoodie again. His eyes studied me meticulously, his scarred face ever so slightly twitching as his eyes discovered the marks on my skin. I wanted to fold my hands behind my back but fought to keep them visible. That was their purpose anyway.

“Hux seems convinced you are our little snitch.” Snoke croaked. I glanced at Kylo whose eyes were back being the empty abyss I had come to know. But I knew fury was scorching inside him by the small, quick tick that visited his right eye. Hux sat next to him with his usual self-satisfactory smile and Phasma with her unreadable mask.

“Well,” Snoke continued. “Don’t you have anything to say for yourself girl?”

“Would you believe me? Fine; I’m not the mole. There.” I answered, tone respectful but words sharp. Sure, Snoke was frightening but he seemed to be like a bloodhound; if he smelled fear, he would attack. Better to come off strong I thought. Hoped really.

Snoke considered my words with dead eyes, heavy silence reigning around us until Hux broke it.

“I could put those words to the test, if you let me, Don.” Hux sneered and my skin prickled.

“With all due respect,” Kylo cut in, “I already _have_.”

Hux let out a hollow laugh. “What? You call that interrogation?” He derided and motioned toward me. “No, no what I would do to her . . . wouldn’t come close.”

Hux’s dirty eyes scanned me and Kylo gritted his jaw. “She is mine, and you know that Hux. You’ve got plenty already on retainer to last for a decade.”

“Oh, but she is _exquisite_. What if I want only her for a moment?”

“She’s not yours to take,” Kylo grunted, eyes aflame.

“We’ll see about that,” Hux replied, evil grin tugging his lips.

“Silence!” I jumped as Snoke roared, and all eyes were on him now, except for Kylo’s. His were dead set on me and I wished I could read his mind.

“ _I_ will be determining the course of action.” Snoke rasped. “Phasma. What do you think of the girl?”

Phasma’s attention shot to Snoke as she said, “she’s not the mole.”

I gawked at her, trying to hold off on the breath of relief.

“Explain,” Snoke ordered.

“I saw her working at the lobby, the mole was there and tried to make contact with her by the bar. She clearly didn’t recognize him and instead drove him away because it was compromising her mission with Ortega.”

_What?_ Did someone try to make contact with me? Oh . . . the _buzz-cut._ He was the second agent. I wondered if Jude had put him up for it, trying to save me before I had to get fucked by Dominic for the cause.

Snoke made a low voice, grumbling in his chest as he considered. “Is that so?”

“Sir,” Phasma continued, “it is my opinion Rey is not the one we’re looking for.”

Hux remained silent.

“What of the shootout in the room then? Four Ortega’s killed? I have the underworld at the brink of war because of it.” Snoke growled and gave me a sharp look. It was hard to stay still.

Kylo opened his mouth to answer but I interjected. “That was my fault.” _All eyes on me now_. “I—I got overwhelmed, to be honest, Sir. I’ve never done anything like that and he attacked me, so my instincts kicked in. I compromised the mission with my inexperience.” Snoke regarded me, so I added, “My deepest apologies, I will make sure it won’t happen again, sir.” I finished and waited for my verdict. If I was going to drag Kylo to salvation with me, _I needed to be alive to do it._

“I can take responsibility of training the girl.” Hux offered and I saw Kylo’s jaw tense.

“Mmmm.” Snoke hummed. “No, I think not. Rey, you’re already marked, aren’t you? Yes, very good. I can see the potential in you. Raw power, Kylo had the similar kind not so long ago. You can rise like Fenix within us Rey, would you want this?”

I swallowed. _Absolutely not._

“Yes,” I heard myself saying.

“Very well then,” Snoke crooned. “It is decided. You will begin an apprenticeship with Kylo.”

Kylo nodded. I did then too.

“And Kylo,” Snoke rasped, “teach her _everything_.”

 

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

 

I was exhausted. I had been so nervous about the meeting at Mustafar, that as soon as we got back to Kylo’s, I had collapsed on the bed and fell asleep instantly. I know that because I woke up as I felt Kylo’s hand snake around me, slowly dragging through the valley between my breasts and grazing my collarbones until ending up at my pulse below my jawline. He stopped there caressing it and blood rushed in my ears. With a tenderness that was menacingly possessive, writing invisible words of being owned, being his, all his. All I could hear was the quickening thrum of my heart and feel the heat starting to flush my cheeks. My heart was louder than all the swirling words in my head that I wanted to say but couldn’t. Who were we? Where are we going? I can’t be trained to become a murderer, a Mafioso. I didn’t want that but all I could think about was how I wanted more of his fingers on my body.

“You disobeyed me, Rey.” And he stroked the bite on my neck then, almost as a warning, reminder, of what he could do.

“How?”

“You spoke without being spoken to. At the meeting.” He purred in my ear and his hair tickled my cheek. “I want to do things to you again.”

“Dark things?”

“Yes.”

“I said I would let you if you weren’t murder-y.”

“And have I been?”

I hesitated. “Well, no, not today.”

His lips pressed on my neck. “Well then, I guess it’s a good thing you took a nap.”

I bit my lip. Oh, how I wanted this, him. But oh how unwise and stupid we were being. This would make things even more complicated, taking the final step into the past. But my self-control was slipping further as his fingers on my skin became more insistent.

“I’m going to undress you,” Kylo said, voice rumbling low in his chest, breath hot against the back of my head.

His hand unzipped my hoodie, then gripped the tank top’s neckline white-knuckled, ready to tear the flimsy material in two. I didn’t move.

“Let me,” Kylo said and I turned to look him in the eyes. They were on fire again, but so was I.

“We shouldn’t,” I said.

“No,” he said, dipping his gaze to my lips. “No, we shouldn’t.”

And then he kissed me. I couldn’t help but kiss him back, I wanted him with every soul in my body, he was made for me and I was made for him, how was I suppose to resist? Like Persephone to Hades, I would always come back. No matter what. And like Hades to Persephone, he would be waiting.

 Kylo ripped my shirt then and my lint-riddled bra was out to him again.

“Good.” He murmured.

He continued to skillfully undress me: shoes, socks and then jeans and I was only in my underwear. He pulled his black shirt over his head and I marveled again how strong his body was. He bent back down to kiss me, but I could feel his hand doing something, trying to reach for something. Soon he pulled back and I saw black rope around his hand, looking like a snake circling its prey.

“I’m going to fuck you tonight, Rey.”

I swallowed.

“Tell me if you’re afraid,” he said. But I wasn’t. Instead, to my surprise, I found the black snake in his hands eliciting a hot throb between my legs and a thousand and one butterflies in my stomach. And he smelled so real, so intense and I thought he was the beginning of everything. I caught a faint cigarette smell, spiced with warm skin with a hint of city traffic. I breathed deeply, remembering how I had thought and vowed never to smell this again. How foolish of me, really. The sun has to rise every morning and every night make way for the moon, no way around it, no escape. We would be brought together always, one way or another.

I breathed him in again, wanting to consume all of him, all of the life he had lead while we were apart, the life I had now learned I knew so little of. And yet he is my home, the place where my I began. Always. He tugged my hands above my head and circled them with the soft snake, his black and gold eyes sweeping over me with a glimmer of trouble.

“I wish I had never stolen that clock,” I said, looking up at the devil tying me up.

“It would certainly have made my life easier.” He replied, a smile tugging at his lips.

And yet, what would we have done without each other? I couldn't even imagine.

Kylo deems his work acceptable and pulls back, knees on both sides of my hips, studying me again.

“Beautiful,” he said. I wanted to smile because I believed him, because he was the most gorgeous man I had ever known, because the golden crumbs in his eyes were the prettiest thing I had witnessed, because his black-brown hair was like in a painting. He dipped his long fingers in my hair, brushing it back slowly, meticulously. Leaving a trail of pins in its wake until stopping at the nape of my neck and fisting my hair, forcing my face into a cringe.

“My scavenger.”

I swallowed. _Yes. His._

“Say it.” He breathed.

“Yours. Yours always.”

He smiled. “Why is it that only you can make me so hard?”

I swallowed again.

I couldn't see what’s coming next but my skin tingled from it anyway. Before, in his tiny Brooklyn apartment I could’ve foreseen, I thought I knew him so well. All the while he was repressing this. His own, private desires of what he wanted to do to me. Did he fantasize about it? Every night thinking, this was going to be the night, this was going to be when he had the courage to tie me up. Who would’ve thought that joining the mafia would’ve helped him with confidence in bed? Although, I guess the fact that the ropes around my wrists cause a cavernous ache and a throbbing pulse at my center says a lot about me too.

Kylo lowered himself then, placing kisses down until he reached down to my panties. He glanced at them, then up at me, at with a frustrating smile he passed my underwear, kissed my knees and the gripped my ankles so suddenly a gasp escaped. He tied my ankles to the legs of the bed and my heart was throbbing even faster. I had no control anymore, he had stripped me of that too. I was completely at his mercy and lord, maybe I was being stupid. I couldn’t defend myself, I couldn’t stop him. A small voice somewhere at the back of my head said I didn’t want him to _ever_ stop. And yet, the fact remained that he was a pretty-eyed mafia boss who had murdered now four people in front of me and I let him restrain me to his bed. I’d say that I was being reckless as hell at the moment.

And when he pulled the pocket knife from his jeans my breath hitched. It glinted in the moonlight, catching its silver reflection and I wasn’t sure what to say.

“Do you trust me, Rey?” He asked, eyes intense on mine.

“Not to hurt me?”

He nodded.

“Yes.” I did. The question whether I trusted him as a whole was a whole different stratosphere, I’d have to come back to that later. When I wasn’t tied up in his bed.

Kylo lowered the knife at my breast, idly circling my nipple behind the grey bra. I didn’t dare to breathe and I didn’t want him to know that my abdomen was clenching in anticipation in a way it only did with him, only in these moments.

He moved the cold steel down right in between my bosom, inches away from my beating heart. A slow smile spread across his features, his wide mouth opening to show teeth glistening in the dim light of the room. My pulse was racing, spiked with adrenaline coursing through all the veins in my body and I sent a silent prayer up for us both. Then there was a ripping sound as he tore my bra in two, falling on either side of me.

I wanted to let him know how displeased I was that he destroyed a perfectly good pair of a bra, which had served me well for four years, but he placed his soft lips roughly on my left breast and I forgot everything. He was circling like a hawk around my sensitive nipple, avoiding it with care to the point where I was pulling at the restraints out of frustration. And as he glanced up at me with an arrogant grin on his face I scrunched up mine in defiance.

“Patience, little scavenger.” He murmured and continued his torturous attention on my left breast. He bit the sensitive nub and then lapped at it, bit again, soothed it again. He did the same then for my right breast, although gentler. The bite mark above it was still sore.

After what felt like hours I wanted some sort of relief and I breathed out, “Please I need—“ but his lips covered mine before I could complete my plea and his tongue parted mine to explore. He tasted like mouthwash and my hands wanted to reach for his hair and I was reminded by the pull on my wrists that I was immobile.

But his hands weren’t and I soon found them kneading my breasts and then pinching and pulling my nipples. I was throbbing with uncontrolled pleasure already and I wanted to squeeze my thighs together but I couldn’t do even that. They, too, were bound far apart and there was no friction to be had.  I felt the moisture gathering and I suddenly felt too empty. I wriggled helplessly and to my excitement, I felt his right-hand stroke lower, over my ribs, down between my legs. He ran his hand over the crease of my sex and god I why did I ever hesitate to cross the line? Crossing the line felt wonderful.

He then cupped me and pulled the knife yet again, ripping my panties so that they hung uselessly on both sides of my thighs. He slid a finger between my folds and stroked once, from down to up and I shuddered. Then without a warning, he inserted two fingers inside my slit and spread me open for him to see. I instinctively wanted to close my knees together, yet again in vain. Somehow that fed right into the hunger between my legs which demanded to be satisfied.

“Please,” I murmured again, spread open still. The air felt cold down there. Cold and thrilling.

“So wet for me little scavenger,” Kylo said with a proud look on his face. I rocked my hips as much as the ropes let me, feeling agitated and unpatient. “There will be plenty of time.” He murmured back to me. Then his two fingers slipped down to my entrance, circling and gently pushing them against the opening, teasing me mercilessly.

“Do you want my fingers inside you, little scavenger?” He asked me behind his brows. I gritted my teeth; he wasn’t going to make this easy and I felt crazy with desire. He circled my clit with his thumb, while his other two fingers were still teasing me at the entrance to bliss.

“Yes,” I mumbled in between my panting. He seemed to be satisfied with it because he pushed his fingers inside me at once then, and I cried out from the relief. The walls within me finally had something to clench around, and his fingers were so thick and wonderful and his thumb was playing with my now overly sensitive nub just the right way, that my orgasm took me by surprise. My legs seized and my hands pulled at the ropes and my back arched my breasts to him as I screamed for God.

Kylo bent down to give a kiss to my clit and I jumped, it was overly sensitive now with the orgasm still veining. He lapped me clean and his tongue got me going again and my mind was blissfully empty for once. It didn’t take long until I was nearing a second climax when he pulled his mouth from me. I protested with unintelligible grunts.

“Patience.” He commanded and got up from the bed, unbuttoning his pants. Slightly dizzy, I looked up to see his black eyes taking in every detail of my body, traveling with visible lust glimmering in them. He pulled down his pants and his thick self sprung up, bigger than I remembered and I gulped slightly worried. How did we do this before?

“I'm going to keep going until you’ll have trouble standing tomorrow, okay?”

I blinked and managed a faint nod. Kylo gripped his cock and tilted his chin up.

“Who owns you, Rey?”

I breathed out. “You do.”

“Who?”

“You,” I gritted my teeth. “Kylo.”

“Good girl.” He purred and crawled back onto the bed, positioning himself between my legs. He teased my entrance and my walls clenched in anticipation, all thoughts of lines and rules gone. Finally, he sank into me, unhurried, until he had sunk himself into me to the hilt and I let out a breath of relief. Finally, I was full in a way only he could fill me. I struggled to accommodate him but found pleasurable warm tingles still spreading throughout. He chuckled darkly at my impatience and then suddenly gave me one, sharp and cruel thrust and I cried out at the suddenness of it and at the pleasure of it. He started moving within me then, and with every thrust, I felt him reclaiming me. His black eyes were intently on me and my borders were gone. My clit felt heavy and swollen again and I wished my hands were free so I could do something about it. I struggled against the restraints and mumbled something. I felt Kylo’s hand on my clitoris then and I gasped at how utterly good it felt. He circled it and flicked it as he pushed in and out of me, every thrust cureler and his thumb’s pressure was just right and my breathing was shallower and shallower.

“Do you want to come again, scavenger?” He asked, growling from his insertions. 

“Yes, please, please!”

“Well, you can’t.” He said and removed his hand and I ached and cussed at him. “Your punishment, remember?”

“No! Please! Have some mercy!”

“Mercy? I already did, you came didn’t you?”

I grunted and cried out and he smiled his wicked smile back to me, fucking me even harder.

“It’s okay sweetheart, it’s going to be fine.” He said but under the words, I heard such hunger. I couldn’t help but cry out loud, it felt too good, he was hitting just the right spot and if I could just get even one, the slightest stroke, I could have my release but no matter how hard I pulled the ropes wouldn’t give and I was forced to take his fucking without able to have any say in it. Soon Kylo’s thrust became more erratic and even more violent and I cussed at how good he felt inside me and with a few more movements, he came inside me.

He stilled and waited to finish inside me, and then slowly pulled out of me and I felt strangely empty without him inside me. He rolled next to me, panting. Sweat trickling down both of our foreheads despite the open window. I wiggled again.

Kylo turned to look at me with sharp eyes. “Frustrated are you, little scavenger?”

“Well, yes!”

He kissed the top of my head. “Next time remember what obeying me feels like.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, everyone! Thank you for reading <3 
> 
> I'm going to have to take a break from writing, as my life is just... a whirlwind at the moment. I'm moving to another country and applying for visas and permits and hiring lawyers, so it's a lot. I will finish this story, I am still writing this, and I will post the chapters once I'm done. I can't, unfortunately, tell you when that is, but I promise it will happen. 
> 
> Thank you so much for hanging in there with me, and I will be dropping new chapters here as I write them. :)


	13. Chapter 13 - The End

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, hey, hi! I'M ALIVE!! Final notes at the end. <3

  
  
  
“Rey, are we back at this again?” Kylo asked with boredom in his eyes.

I pulled at the black restraints on my hands. “I am not leaving this bedroom looking like _this!_ ”

Kylo gave me a once over. When the doorbell had rung, he had swiftly untied me from the bed, only to tie my hands together and pull me up from the bed, hastily wrapping a sheet around me.

“Have to keep up the appearances, sweetheart.” Had he not had the wicked look in his black eyes, I might’ve believed him.

“Burn in hell.” I seethed.

“Only after I’ve dragged you there,” Kylo replied and winked. He then pulled me like a slave after him, opening the bedroom door. I tried to stop him but his damn shiny floors gave no friction whatsoever. Before I knew it, I was exposed to that red snake’s inquisitive eyes and I wanted the ground to swallow me.

Hux eyed me surprised, then giving Kylo an impressed face. “Teaching her everything indeed, Ren.”

“As promised.” Kylo grunts.

“May I sample the product?”

“Again, she’s _my_ apprentice. Not yours.”

“Aren’t we all First Order’s in the end, Kylo?”

“Perhaps,” he hissed, “but she’s still indebted to me.”

“Well then, I’ll be sure to be around when that’s all paid up.” He replied with evil glinting in his pale eyes.

Kylo tugged at the ropes, making me stumble against his shirtless ribs. “That’ll be a while.”

All at once, Kylo bent down to drown me in a dominant kiss and my heart couldn’t help the pace it picked up. After he was done he threw his end of the rope toward the bedroom and nudged his chin toward its open door.

“Wait for me there.”

I nodded and left, but not without giving Hux a dirty glare before I closed and locked the door. I realized only then, I actually couldn’t free my hands without help. Well, after twenty minutes of struggling on the floor I realized it. Soon after I heard the front door close and then the bedroom door’s handle rattled and I stood up to unlock it.

“What the fuck!” I yelled and pushed him back.

Kylo seized my bound wrists and wiggled an envelope on my face.

“New gig.”

“What?”

He let go of me to graze my chin with his thumb. “You’re my apprentice, remember?”

“Fuck me.” I sighed.

Kylo raised an eyebrow. “Indeed.”

I pushed him back again. “Idiot.” I wiggled my hands in front of him. “Free me, _master?_ ”

Kylo’s wicked grin made me think my insult wasn’t an insult to him after all.

“Gladly, _underling_.”

I huffed, but he got to work. I rubbed my wrists after I was freed and stared at the manila envelope in Kylo’s hand. It couldn’t be anything good, obviously.

“What is it?”

“Open it.” He extended it to me.

I took it and ripped it, finding a professionally done memo. I wonder who typed these up? First Order’s Administrative Assistant? My god that’s ridiculous.

“Do you have an assistant or something?” I asked while eyeing the memo.

“Snoke does.”

I looked up at him with raised brows. “Are you kidding me?”

He shrugged. “We are the biggest mafia on the—“

“East Coast, yeah yeah, right.”

Kylo didn’t say anything to that and I kept my eyes trained to the paper in my hand. Because I couldn’t comprehend what it said. I just couldn’t. Because what would it mean when I face him and said I couldn’t do this? Would it mean the end of . . . us? What we had become again, no matter how undefined it was? Would it mean the end of him? Of me? I swallowed, mind swirling with cuss words combined into desperate prayers.

“What is it?” Kylo asked. I didn’t look at him but I heard the concern.

My mouth was dry, nothing came out. So his fingers seized the paper form my hands and then I finally looked up, as I wanted to see his face when his eyes fly through the words, trying to wrap around them, letting them sink in.

His face left all emotion then and I could hear the paper falling on the ground. I could hear his quickening breaths. He ran his hand through his midnight hair and then bore his eyes to me.

“You won’t do this.”

I croaked my words out, “what does that mean, Kylo?”

“It means you don’t do it.”

“And then what? I get shot? Finally?”

His left eye twitched and his Adam’s apple bobbed. “I won’t let that happen.”

“What is there left to do? Tell me! Because I don’t fucking know!” I yelled. And I won’t say I know this isn’t his fault, because it is. It is his fault. But I also might be, slightly, in love with him again, so I won’t hurt him like that. But it hung heavy in the air between us. He knew it too. By the wrinkle between his brows, he knew it too.

“Fuck! Goddamnit, I don’t know! But you sure as hell aren’t going to become the personal whore of an abusive Senator and then murder him and his two children, aren’t you?”

“No!”

“No, you won’t. So, we’ll run.”

“And go where? You said it yourself, there’s nowhere I can hide from the First Order!”

Kylo huffed, chest tight and sweat starting to beam his forehead. He walked in circles in front of me while I thought about the salvation I had been offered. But if I said it, if I told him about it and he doesn’t react well, I will have been responsible for another human being’s death. Was it worth the risk?

“Jude is an FBI agent and can get us into WITSEC.” I puked out. _Well, fuck it all to hell then._

Kylo froze at once and slowly lifted his eyes at me.

“Excuse me?”

“He promised. You and me, for information.”

“Who’s Jude?”

“Oh, shit, sorry. Vinny.”

“Vinny?!” Kylo roared. This was definitely not going the good way.

“The bartender.”

“He _promised you?_ ”

“Well, yes. He wasn’t into me like you thought, he was trying to convince me to snitch.”

Kylo pointed his long finger at me. “And did you?”

“Fuck no! What the hell? I’d never do that to you!” I couldn’t help the edge of hurt that crept in.

Kylo bit his jaw. Nodded. “Fine. What does he know?”

I paused.

“Everything.” I finally said.

Kylo just nodded again.

“Except . . . _me_. He didn’t know that I used to work for you. How?”

“Oh.” Kylo tongued the roof of his mouth. “Remember when I told you that one time I had to bribe someone?”

“ _Oh_.”

“Yeah.”

“Thanks.”

“You’re welcome.”

Silence.

I leaned against the door. Rubbing my forehead absentmindedly.

“Are you willing to turn on the First Order?”

Kylo leaned next to me, bare arm grazing mine. “For you? I’d die.”

And he looked at me then with such conviction in his eyes that I felt a sudden knob in my throat.

I nodded. “So I’ll let Jude know then.”

“That’s his real name?”

“Yes. Jude Klein.”

He huffed. “How fitting.”

I smiled, I had thought the same too. I pulled up Kylo’s cell phone from his jean’s pocket and typed in Jude’s number. “Are you ready?”

“No.”

I pressed the call button. It rang twice and then I grasped salvation by the shoulders.

 

_Finally_.

 

 

* * *

 

  

We sat on the edge of his bed and I stared at the cell phone in Kylo’s hand. He took two deep breathes and then dialed Hux.

“Tomorrow. Mustafar at 9 PM. Because I’m calling a meeting. Yes, I actually do need to discuss Rey’s assignment, it was decided without my say. Well, you tell that to Snoke. _Great_ , see you tomorrow.”

“And so it is done,” I said.

He pressed me into the bed and kissed my neck. “So it is.”

 

 

* * *

  
  


Kylo glared at Jude as he was taping the bug-sized microphone on to the strap of my bra (one of the new one’s Kylo bought me, since, you know. He destroyed my favorite one. So, who can we really blame for Jude’s blush?)

“Isn’t there a female operative who could do this?” Kylo asked between his teeth.

Jude glanced at him. “Unfortunately not at this time, sir.”

“Don’t call me that.” Kylo sneered.

“What, sir?”

“I am not your sir anymore, apparently never was. So don’t call me that.”

“Fine, Kylo,” Jude replied and I heard the malice. His fingers felt cold as they grazed my skin.

Kylo was in the process of getting a microphone taped to his shirt button as well. The FBI agent’s hands shook as he fumbled with it. Kylo looked amused at that.

“Are you afraid I’ll cut out your tongue?” He asked and the operative quickly shot a panicked look at Jude.

“He’s just fucking with you, relax Ryan,” Jude said.

“Great team choice,” I muttered under my breath.

“Hey,” Jude started. “You know the reputation your worse half has. Wouldn’t your hands shake if you met him for the first time?”

“I suppose they would,” I muttered under my breath.

“Do you know how many people your boyfriend has killed?”

“He’s not my boyfriend.”                                                    “I’m not her boyfriend.” We replied at the same time.

Jude shook his head. “Great assignment.”

“Couldn’t agree more, _rat_.” Kylo spat to Jude.

Jude stood up and faced Kylo. The other FBI agent quickly wrapped up what he was doing and busied himself with the field computers in the corner of Kylo’s living room.

“You have no power here anymore, _Kylo_. Your threats are empty.”

Kylo stepped closer, a challenge. “Are you sure about that? Last I checked, I haven’t signed anything yet.”

Jude simmered, but I saw the flinch. Kylo was right, only after we do this does the official part happen. Kylo could still be playing a part, fooling us all. Exposing us at Mustafar, turning to point the gun at us.

“Okay, okay,” I said and stepped between the two bulls. “Let’s be civil. Jude, Kylo and I will do our part, don’t worry about that. You just make sure you keep your end of the bargain.”

Jude looked at me. “I wouldn’t betray you like that.”

It was awkward all of a sudden. Kylo placed his hand on my shoulder from behind me. “Neither would I.”

“Great,” I said swiftly. “Glad we’re in an agreement. Now can we get this over with?”

 

Kylo’s knuckles weren’t white. At all. And they have been white a lot but the fact that they weren’t now . . . It scared me and calmed me weirdly at the same time. He looked at me and his eyes said everything and I wish I had the perfect words at this moment but alas, I did not. All I knew is that he’d die for me and to my shock I realized; _I would die for him too_. I don’t know what the future holds for us but I knew it had to include him. It had to have him in it. I reached out my hand across the middle console and squeezed his arm, nodding.

“Rey,” Kylo said my name with such conviction I would’ve turned my attention to him in the middle of an apocalypse.

“Yes?”

“I do love you.”

I swallowed. Oh god. _Oh god_. That’s it then, I’m done, I’m gone. He was the end the middle and the beginning, he was the moon and the sun and the stars in my skies, he was my universe and he was the stardust of which I am made and he was the cells in my blood and he was . . . everything. Just, everything.

“I love you too,” I replied. And I meant it, I really did. As much as I did four years ago I did now. He might be a Mafioso murderer but he was redeemable and he was well on his way to it. I would be the final helping nudge; I would make him see the light. It will happen, I can see it now. I can see his future. Our future. It’s tangible and reachable like I could stretch out my hand and touch it like a physical thing in front of me. It was so close. The mic burned against my skin and I closed my eyes. Jude. He was salvation in sheep’s clothing.

We pulled up in front of Mustafar and somehow the black canvasses seemed even darker today. But the usual habits recurred, repeated themselves like a bad movie. Vales scurried and bowed and sir’ed and as we walked inside, somehow, I was surprised to see Jude behind the bar counter. He was cleaning wine glasses again, he lifted his gaze to meet mine. I suppose in a movie you’d expect a wink or a small nod but he didn’t risk even a tug of a lip. Just steel ignorance.

Kylo didn’t recognize his presence at all but he normally didn’t either, that was business as usual. The usual gangsters opened the double doors and at that moment, when my eyes landed on Snoke’s hollow ones, I thought I’d be more scared. But I wasn’t. Call it sheer, stubborn determination or blind love but even my palms weren’t sweaty. I was ready. I was ready to bask in the light with Kylo. With Ben.

 

  

* * *

   
  
  
I gave a silent prayer up above as the double-doors locked behind us. And so, it was done. We got everything, thank the stars for Hux’s relentless need to impress Snoke. Now we just need to get out of this restaurant and drive back to his place where our designated transportation provided by the FBI will be waiting for us. And with it, out new life. Together. I looked up at him, standing by my side. He looked into my eyes and winked. Then tugged my arm and started walking to the left. _In the wrong direction_. No, no, no, _no!_ What was he doing!? We were so close, so, so close!

I couldn’t exactly scream either, all I could do is tug his shirt and look at him with eyes wide.

“Do you trust me, Rey?” He whispered, glancing around and then letting his eyes drill into mine.

I froze. _This is what you get when you put all your eggs in one basket, Rey._

“Yes,” I breathed. “I do.” To my surprise, I really did.

He nodded with vigor in his eyes and I took a step to follow him when I felt eyes on my back. I looked over my shoulder to see Jude clenching his jaw, eyes question marks. I swallowed and turned around, well aware of what I was turning my back to. But I had to trust him. I had to, he had persisted this long. Right?

So I followed Kylo’s black back, looking at how his raven hair moved ever so slightly with his brisk steps. I almost had to run to keep up. He nodded to a few suited men on his way, performing as typical as ever. We walked through the kitchen busy with chefs and waiters and at the end of it, he pressed down a bar of a door. It opened to the back of Mustafar and revealed a small woman with grey hair and glasses thicker than a bottom of a bottle, standing there. Expectant but calm. Only then did I notice the people lying on the ground with big, bold yellow letters on the back of their blue jackets.

I gasped.

“Oh, don’t worry! The agents aren’t dead, honey. Tranquilized.”

“Oh.”

“You got everything?” Kylo asked of the woman.

The woman nodded and handed out a ziplock bag to Kylo. Kylo checked the contents and shook the woman’s hand.

“You two better hurry up, the agents by the main entrance will be doing their rounds in six minutes.”

The woman pulled a hood over her tiny head and walked off to cross the small street, and Kylo took my hand to guide me around the corner.

Just then, the walls echoed when Jude yelled out “STOP!” My heart leaped into my throat. _And just like that, we were over before we even began._ Kylo turned around slowly.

“Put your hands up!” Jude shouted, pointing his gun with purpose. Kylo and I raised them, slowly. As Kylo’s hands were raising, he fanned one out to me, pushing me behind him, breathing steady as a lion staking out his pray. Focused. Composed.

“I’m faster than you,” Kylo warned.

“I’m the one holding the gun, aren’t I?” Jude sneered. “Rey, you still have a chance. Don’t ruin your life.”

I looked down at my feet. _Ruin my life_? I raised my gaze to face his blue ones then, and with steel in my voice replied, “what do you know about my life? _Nothing_. Because Kylo saw to it. You know nothing about me, Jude. Don’t tell me what to do when you don’t know what you’re talking about.”

And then Kylo pulled his gun at him faster than human and a silenced bang erupted in the tight backstreet, Jude dissolving to his knees and I realized Kylo had shot him in the hand. Jude clasped his now bleeding hand, the gun lying on the ground to the side of him. Kylo strode up to him, positioned his weapon against his forehead and I knew he’d love nothing more than to kill him.

“No!” I yelled out. “He’s just doing his job!”

I sprinted to Jude and struck Kylo’s gun away. Jude had wrath and confusion in his turbulent eyes. I rested my hand on his cheek, disregarding the scorching glower Kylo was giving me.

“Please, just let us go. I promise you’ll never see us again. Kylo Ren will be gone, forever. And who could blame you for not catching him? After all, It’s Kylo Ren.”

Then I felt Jude’s lips against mine. They were forgiving and earnest. Soft and warm. I pulled back and he kept looking into my eyes, unblinking. Pleading, one could think.

 “The good guy doesn’t do it for you?” He asked, faith dwindling in his sapphire of an eyes.

I smiled regretfully. “Murderous snakes are more of my thing.”

An inside joke to which Kylo chortled behind me. Jude was confused as ever, but worry was profound in his expression.

“Jude, he’s not a bad guy. He’s just done bad things.” I told him, stroking his cheek for the last time.

“He’s killed and tortured a lot of people, Rey.”

“I—, I know. But not anymore, I got him back.” I leaned in to whisper into his ear, “I got my Ben back.” And I found myself unable to hide the childish beam that spread on my lips.

Then sirens.

“We have to go,” Kylo said and his hand appeared on my arm.

“Goodbye, Jude,” I whispered. He nodded and closed his eyes. _I didn’t see anything._ And it’d be the truth. I got up and took Kylo’s hand, ran to the car left just around the corner. It was perfectly unremarkable. An old Honda Accord with a little bit of rust to perfect the ordinary look.

We got in and Kylo drove away like we were going to grocery store. We curved onto a street with other cars coolly and just then we saw the flashes of blue and white in the rearview mirror. FBI agents spilling out of vans like ants. Kylo handed me the ziplock bag. I unsealed it to find stacks of cash and submerged underneath, two passports. I opened one of them and my god, my heart.

_Mrs. Rey Wythe._ I opened the other one, finding Kylo’s passport image the least menacing one ever taken of him. _Mr. Benjamin Wythe._ I ran my fingers over his name. The title.

“Your apartment in Brooklyn,” Kylo said.

“You remembered my street?”

“Of course. It’s where we began. And now we’ll begin again.” He took my hand and I firmly squeezed his back.

“As a married couple?” I asked, cocking an eyebrow.

He smirked. “Don’t play a fool, sweetheart. It was going to happen eventually.”

I gave him a grin back and looked at him as the sun broke through the clouds and sifted through his hair, illuminating it as dark brown.

“Why didn’t you want to do this the legal route? WITSEC?”

He shook his head, gold kissing his pale skin. “I couldn’t do that to you, Rey. You’d be the key witness and consequently, as big of a target as I. The FBI wouldn’t be able to hide us, not even in WITSEC. It would’ve been a death sentence. To both of us. After a long and grueling trial, we would end up in the ground anyway.”

I tsk’d.

“What?” He asked confused.

“It would’ve been the trial of the century. We could’ve been famous.”

Kylo laughed and it draped around my heart like a warm cup of tea. I adored hearing it. “Sorry to ruin it for you, sweetheart.”

I whisked my hand in the air. “Neither of us are really about that eight to four and a white fence anyway.”

“I do like one thing normal people do though,” Kylo said.

“What’s that?”

“Money. And that we’ve got to last two lifetimes.”

“Wh- how? Weren’t your accounts frozen?”

“Kylo stroked my hair. “Sweetheart, I’m a career criminal.”

I smirked. “Not anymore. My Ben is here.”

He turned his head to kiss me as we stopped at a red light with skyscrapers on our left and the East River on the right. We were on the FDR and I don’t think I’ve ever in my life been that happy on that crappy freeway.

“Forever.” He whispered against my lips, and that was the last time we would ever be in New York.

  

 

* * *

 

 

_Stories went around of a couple who murdered for their love. They were said to be in Argentina, then in Australia, then in Sweden. They were said to be the most vicious couple alive, killing anyone who stood between them, who would danger the other. They were one, and they were everywhere. The story of a boy of darkness and a girl of light who brought him back from hell. He lost his horns for her, begged for redemption to stay with her. They became an urban legend, a nighttime story told by kids with lights under their chins, a daydream of girls to find love so profound._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, my lovelies! 
> 
> I could write an essay on how I've stressed and felt bad about not finishing this story, especially since I was LITERALLY one chapter away. Anyway, life got in the way. My laptop (finally) broke, and then I got an iPad for Christmas so I could continue this story, and I'm also (finally) settled into another country! Loving it so far.
> 
> So this is the end. I hope you liked the story and the conclusion to it, I'm again so sorry to have kept you waiting for just one chapter. Thank you SO much, like I literally cannot express how much I've adored and appreciated your wonderful comments and analysis of each chapter, and just letting me know that you liked it. Even when I struggled with earlier chapters, I read your comments and it kept me going. So thank you thank you thank you thank you! I'm still (occasionally) on Tumblr as kylothevillain. 
> 
> Again, thank you so much for all the comment and kudos. <3


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